At what age would you deem it suitable/reasonable?

[ReluctantStepMum]

My DSD lives with us and turns 18 next month. She has a Saturday job, and also worked a lot of days during the summer hols. My DH gives her an allowance for clothing, not a set amount each month, but only yesterday she asked if she could give him her "expenses" and to be honest, I do not know how much she receives or expects each month. I asked DH why he was doing this, and he said that he will provide her with essential clothing such as underwear, or yesterday, as it turned out, jumpers. She said that on the same receipt, there was a dress, but this was a "treat" she would pay for, but insisted that jumpers and leggings are essential items.

At that age I advised him, I would save for items with my earnings, or ask for them as birthday or Xmas presents (topical at present!).

Any advice appreciated as she has lived with us for less than a year so I am a relatively new SM who feels she has no control over the situation!

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

And unless you intend to kill his children then they wont be gone in a couple of years! They will always be his children.

[Rosencrantz]

Who gives a shit? Anyone can spend their money however they like. His money, his daughter.

[Rosencrantz]

Are you ok?

Preferring your children to your girlfriend is right and proper!

[ReluctantStepMum]

Stupid name, i cannot pronounce or spell, i am not unhinged, just massively unhappy, and have 1 SD and 1 SS living with us. Get your facts right. I have another SD who is 22 but lives with her BF, but also also unhappy. None of the kids have had a normal upbringing, and i am starting to rethink their whole family relationship, as father always told me he was the good guy. That is flying out of the window now after knowing him a long time. Don't judge me please, I have always been there for him, now getting shit thrown in my face.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

This is so not about money.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

People can and will judge you on what you post. Being there for your husband doesnt make you faultless in other respects- like your attitude to his children and their mother.

Korma's name is right there for you to copy out. The fact that you cant pronounce it doesnt make the name stupid...

[NancyOsbourne]

Hmmm I think you will find the DC are the innocent party here they are young, unsettled young adults whose mother is ill, their step mother clearly resents them to the core, despite them being his children long before you came on the scene!! He should man up and tell you where to go tbh.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

"The innocent party"

And there we have it the waving of the victim card.

Op if you are the innocent party then who is the guilty party? The children? Their mother? Your husband? Guilty of what crimes?

[Rosencrantz]

100% wholeheartedly agree with you Nancy.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

Op you must place very little value on your own love if you invest it in a man who could be so happy to be rid of his own children. If he could do that to his flesh and blood how easily could he walk away from you and why would you accept or respect a man who could do that to someone he made such a commitment to?

[Rosencrantz]

Yes Nancy. Sick is the optimum word here. I am horrified that OPs mind is functioning this way. Just think of the damage being done to those kids. It will effect them for the rest of their lives.

[basgetti]

I remember your other threads, they are full of hatred for these children and a total lack of empathy. I don't think your husband is being short sighted by wanting your marriage to fail, maybe he just doesn't want to remain with someone who despises his children.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

And i wonder will it be your problem or fault if he decides he hates his current wife someday soon and leaves her.

[HaroldTheGoat]

It doesn't sound like they are living the high life to me.

Sticking to the question though I think it's perfectly normal and reasonable for her to get some expenses money, perhaps a set monthly amount should be agreed so that you can budget.