University visits - helicopter parents?

[higgle]

DS 2 is off to uni this year, hopefully. We discussed as a family which universities he might like to apply to, weighed up the pros and cons of various accommodation with him but the choices have been entirely his. He went to Leeds last week, which is his first choice and where he has an offer we think he will be able to meet, for an open day. I simply bought him some rail tickets and left him to it. He returned home quite shocked that all the other applicants had had at least one parent with them. As a result of this there was not much opportunity to talk to the others who would be on the course, though the tutors spent more time discussing various things.

When I was off on this sort of visit nearly 40 years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of inviting my parents along ( although they wre footing 100% of my expenses). We will take him if and when he starts, and of course visit fairly regularly. Am I very odd to be the only parent who didn't go or send spouse?
Does the fact that all the others wanting to do this course seem to be girls explain this?

[BackforGood]

Marking spot to read tomorrow.

[Bossybritches22]

I gave my DD1 the option of me coming or not. She wanted another opinion/ pair of eyes too. I left her to do her stuff with the subject lectures etc & I went to the fees /parental talks & sat in the cafe with a book while she got stuck in.

It was good to have 2 viewpoints to chew over on the way home, she did all the shortlisting, course choosing, venues etc herself. As I said to her she's the one who has to live there for 3/4 years, so it was her choice.

Really don't think that makes me a helicopter parent though, does it?

[exoticfruits]

I think that you can see from the reactions on here that it has become the norm- going on your own is now unusual. It is not going to go back to what it was so you may as well take the opportunity of a day out! They are interesting.

[Bonsoir]

I rather enjoy visiting schools and universities on their Open Days.

[lottie63]

Ha! At 18, I was put on a train on my own to Cardiff uni. Parents waved me off. Didn't even have any accommodation at the other end. Just thought someone would sort me out. Funnily enough, they did.

[Awks]

I used to teach a vocational Masters course. We increasingly saw parents accompanying their graduate children to open days.
Those same parents would then be the ones you would see at graduation bemoaning the fact that their children hadn't got a job.

^^^ Really? That sounds like bollocks to me

[badguider]

I went with people from school to all mine but one where nobody else had applied and I went alone.
We just got together in groups and sorted ourselves out - spent the days with people I wasn't particularly friends with so that was interesting too. Came back and discussed each with my parents - they were aware of all my choices though as all were old/traditional/RG options. If my parents had never been to the cities/unis I was considering they might have been more inclined to come along.

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

If my parents had come to an open day or attended an interview with me I would have died of shock...

This was mid 90s though.

[Horsemad]

Well I'm definitely going with my DC - if they want me to of course! I want to see where my money is going

[iclaudius]

i'm hoping i always let my dcs go on their own but i may well change
ds went to an open day at a very high ranking university and parents were asked to 'leave the room' for the talk as there was no room for students

not keen on the 'i want to know where my monay is going' argument. We only pay accomodation and ds pays the rest. he should make the choice imo - not be turning to mummy and daddy - not at this stage. I think late teens should stand on their own feet and feel that expectation to do so.....

[iclaudius]

money

[iclaudius]

accommodation

[iclaudius]

('tis late - am hormonal!)

[BestIsWest]

DD went to most on her own but we both went with her to one because it was an awkward place to get to and we fancied a day out

That was the one she chose.

[nooka]

My parents didn't come with me, nor dh's with him. I don't recall any parents being there, but it was a long time ago (late 80's).

I went to some with a friend and most on my own, and as I applied twice got to travel to Scotland, Wales, East Anglia and a few places in between. It was a bit of an adventure to get to each university, meet new people, check out the towns and think about whether I wanted to live there. I don't think I would have had the same experience if I'd have been taken by my parents.

I wasn't eligible for a grant, so my parents paid a fair whack but I really don't think that came into the equation much. I don't recall discussing my options very much with my parents, although I remember my mother complaining that all my choices were a long way away and was that deliberate.

We don't live in the UK any more and our children might well study a long long way away from us (and it will cost a fortune), but I'd still prefer them to go to open days on their own. It's a bit sad if all the other applicants are with families and don't really get to talk to each other - knowing what sort of person is attracted to each university is surely one of the factors for your decision?

[Copthallresident]

nooka There are literally thousands of people at these open days, talks are packed out. It really isn't a cosy look see with a chance to meet other students and academic staff. For that there are interviews (if they do interviews) and post offer days (when the unis give students they have made an offer too a chance to come back and investigate uni and course in more depth) or you could arrange an individual visit. DD definitely found the latter more useful. TBH if I were still an expat I'd give the former a miss, unis are empty of students and on their best behaviour, and there are too many people there (yes including mostly parents) to have much chance of getting a good idea of what it is really like. Think a town overrun with tourists. We even had to sit in a two hour traffic jam made up of prospective students and parents between the M4 and Bath University!

Actually one of the visits DD asked me to come along to as extra eyes and ears turned out to be a great fun day out, she ran into some friends and we ended up giving 5 of them a lift home, two 6ft Rugby players in the rear facing child seats at the back doing mooneys on the motorway

[Eeeeeowwwfftz]

When I was working in a university dept in the early 00s I noticed groups of parents being taken round the building on UCAS days. The admissions tutor told me that 2 or 3 years previously parents had started showing up and the first time this happened they were left tapping their feet while the students were being attended to. They quickly realised that they needed a programme of events for the parents too. When I switched institution in the mid 00s, I found the new place going the same thing too, so I guess this is by now standard practice.

As for me I visited everywhere on my own. My parents wouldn't have been able to come anyway as they were schoolteachers and not able to take time off willy billy in term time like everyone else.

[BoffinMum]

I've given up my weekends to give carefully crafted interactive talks and sample lectures to ignorant stoney faced parents who thought university was just another type of school, sitting by bored students examining their finger nails, oh yes. They would eventually defrost and their sluggish brains would slowly start to fire up, but it was a frustrating business. They wanted X-Factor, sixth form with more sex and booze, Facebooking all day and degrees with minimal input from themselves. We were selling adulthood and cognitive advancement. Roll on MOOCs,I say. Let's stop pretending learning is even relevant to the proceedings. (Most of my teaching is now online).

[Copthallresident]

Maybe it is because DD is a Science geek but the talks I joined her for at Open Days were filled with engaged DCs and rather too engaged parents, as I said down thread, some fathers who liked the sound of their voices too much and had the illusion they were entitled to cross examine the lecturers based on a little scientific knowledge. My other DD is looking at a degree in Humanities but has the same drive to have a chance to study her subject in more depth. I think you are being unjustifiably cynical about a generation of prospective students who IME work harder and are more motivated than my generation ever were. We may not have had Facebook but there was certainly plenty of sex and booze at my 70s RG uni..............

[Copthallresident]

Sorry post addressed to BoffinMum and I am also engaged in academia now.

[iclaudius]

Boffin I find your post refreshing - so true

[landofsoapandglory]

DS1, nor his friends, nor any of the students at the post offer open days we have been to in the last few weeks have fitted that description at all BoffinMum.

[Maat]

On the contrary. I found the information about the universities / courses so exciting that I was only sorry I wasn't there to sign up for it myself.

[exoticfruits]

Same here Maat!
And I didn't see anything like BoffinMum's example.

[Howsaboutthat]

My dd is currently choosing where to study for 6th form - note my dd is choosing.

She's googled and got prospectuses and has made her short list. Her grandmother and I have attended open days with her for no reason other than a) we are downright nosey and b) she can then talk to someone about what she's encountered on the day, and bounce feedback off. She then decided where to apply to, applied and got her scholarships all I was required for was the signature on the bottom of the completed application form.

I fully expect Uni applications to be carried out in a very similar process, unless she chooses either to a) take a friend or partner with her instead. And then my only disappointment will be that I don't have the valid excuse to have a nose at all the universities, as it may/may not be frowned upon for parents to attend with children, I'm pretty certain it would be frowned upon for an adult who has no intention of attending the university just attending it to have a snoop!!!