I am very tired. Please help me exlaine to DS why I do not owe him £13.

[LynetteScavo]

He bought CoD black ops certifiacate 18, online. He is 13. (From ebay; he set up an account, but that's a whole 'nother issue I have to deal with!)

I have swiftly removed the game. He was previously told if he ever bought the game into this house I would shred it. He accepted me taking it off him, but now wants the £13 it cost him. Apparently I owe it to him.

I am so tired I can't think of any answer except "No".

[Iggly]

The idea of a crime is besides the point.

You are his mother and he is a minor. You have responsibility for him. You set the rules.

He knew that you would take the game away if he bought it. He bought it so he lost it.

Or yes, he can have it when he's 18.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Confiscate and buy are not the same - tell him to look them up.

[beachyhead]

I remember buying a Cosmo when I was 10 and my mum 'bought' it off me, as she thought it was unsuitable - all that discussion about female orgasm's etc......, I suppose!

[theredhen]

My ds did something similar and bought this game at age 12 when he was with someone else.

I traded it in and let him have the money, he lost a few quid.

Crafty so and so thought he could get away with it because another adult helped him buy it.

He knew he wasn't allowed it, and he continued to not be allowed it.

[flow4]

Stop it Lynette, just stop it! Giving reasons, I mean. I have sons like that - clever, articulate and boundary-pushing... I got hung up for a long time on being rational and reasonable, and answering every argument. It took me a lonnnnnng time to realise what I'll tell you now: he knows he's in the wrong, and he knows why! He's arguing to save face and to try his luck, not to understand. :)

You can try saying exactly that "You know why I am not giving you 13 quid", but that is likely to result in him replying "No I don't. Whyyyyyyyy?" In the end, previous generations saved themselves a lot of trouble, since the bottom line is "Because I say so!"

[Startailoforangeandgold]

Yes, this one of those occasions when "No" and "because I said so" are the final answer.

Just as my DD isn't having the Game of Thrones DVDs (18) at 14.
I know she's read it, and I allow some 15 DVDs, but an 18 is a step to far.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

You do not owe him £13

He has options though..

1. ruby's
   
2. sell it again on ebay ( if I was him, I'd do this)
   
3. take it on the chin
   
   He is arsy because he didn't get away with it. Tough.
   
   My son is 13 and for his birthday when he was 13 he was given Grand Theft Auto by a friend. I took that away and he can have that when he is 18. You have done the right thing here.

[saffronwblue]

As a fellow owner of a 13 year old DS you have my sympathy. Try "Which part of No do you not understand?"

[LaurieFairyCake]

You have confiscated it until he is of legal age, it's that simple. Tell him anything else that he is legally too young for that comes into your house will be confiscated until he is of legal age.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Offer him a lift to the police station to report the theft of the game and the Nerf gun. Mention the outcomes for wasting police time first, of course.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

It wouldnt be discussion worthy for me. Confiscation of the banned item and a punishment for disobeying of a months no internet access.

[LynetteScavo]

Well, he gave up asking for £13 and went on to telling me that I abuse him.

I told him very calmly if he had serious concerns he was old enough to tell an adult, such as a teacher at school, or go to the police. He said he might go to the police and they will send an "assessment team" around. Where on earth does he get this from? Do they teach it at school in PSHE or something?

I am imagining the "assessment team" discovering the stash of Nerf guns and 18 cert game I have hidden and arresting me.

I am dreading him coming home as I can't take a full weekend of this stroppy hard done by ridiculousness.

[SecretNutellaFix]

I would seriously be considering removing all gaming privileges until he could treat me like a human being.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Yes, I think they do teach some weird stuff in schools, or at any rate, that teenagers pick up badly. DS came home one day when he was 14 and announced he was an adult! I put him right on that one...

[PropositionJoe]

I have a thirteen year old too. I think I would tell him that if he stops being ridiculous I will take it to Game and trade it in for him. But ONE MORE WORD and I will jump up and down on it. And I would, too. Mine still remember watching me put their ice cream in the bin because they kept fighting with their cutlery when they were in infants school

[PropositionJoe]

I think I even used the words "What part of 'I will put your ice cream in the bin if you don't stop' don't you understand?"

[Lougle]

Tell him, that he still owns the game. It just happens to be shredded. Therefore, you don't owe him £13.

When he protests that he now can't use the game, refer him back to the conversation where you promised him that you would shred it. If you haven't already shredded it, you must do so, because you told him you would.

If you object to shredding something with a market value, then you sell it and keep the proceeds, because the game was not an appropriate use of his money, and he needs to learn that lesson. If he'd bought something else that is illegal, and the police found it on him, they would confiscate it and he would not be recompensed.

Ask him whether he thinks that someone who spends £100 on drugs gets given £100 by the police if they take away the drugs?

Also, tell him that you are his mother, he is your son. If you say it, it happens.

[Lougle]

Incidently, my children (6 with SN, 5 and 3) were given some sweets yesterday. I reserved 6 for 'good behaviour'. Then they trashed the 2 younger girls' bedroom. I said that I expected them to return it to good order. I gave them several warnings. I told them that if they didn't do so, I'd eat the remaining 6 sweets.

They didn't. I did.

[MNhoneydragonHQ]

Invoice him £150.00 for the games console and provide him a monthly electricity bill for his useage. Suggest he sells his nerf guns on ebay to cover the costs.

And agree with Ruby, tell him he owns the game and can play it when he is 18.

[Faxthatpam]

Oh yes, I too have teenaged boys.

I have taken a hammer to a banned game in front of them in the past. It was most satisfying, they could not believe I was actually doing it.

You DO NOT have to justify yourself, once you start on this road it will never end - I learned this the hard way. My 3 teenaged DSs now only have the XBOX in the holidays as they have proved themselves addicts. It is sometimes hard when we unplug it at the end of the summer holidays and there are teen tantrums and nasty arguments for a week or so, and then they accept it and get on with other things... even homework on occasion.

Good luck! You have my deepest sympathy.

[Bromptonaut]

I've done similar. He was told not to do something and what the consequence would be if he did. He went ahead anyway.

Tough lesson but that's life. Laws and rules are there for a reason.

[SizzleSazz]

I would say that I would happily accompany him to the police station and let them decide whether he was rightfully owed any money.

[vodkaanddietirnbru]

Ebay terms and conditions say you may not use our sites and services if you are under the age of 18 or you are not able to form legally binding contracts so he has breached their T&C's - not sure they would be happy!

[HecateHarshPants]

Write the number on a bit of paper, hand him the phone and say report away.

You don't need to justify yourself to him on this issue. I am not saying a parent never has a responsibility to justify their actions to their children! But on this - no. He's 13. It's an 18 game. You had told him in advance of him choosing to get it that he could not have it. He chose to ignore you. It's his tough shit.

I would suggest that every time he says he's going to report you, you pass him the phone. He knows he is being stupid and would look ridiculous if he actually did it.

[HecateHarshPants]

As an aside - what bank account can a 13 yr old get that has a debit card that can be used for internet purchases? Thinking about changing my eldest's bank account so he can have more control. Although after reading this...