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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

I am very tired. Please help me exlaine to DS why I do not owe him £13.

66 replies

LynetteScavo · 13/09/2012 20:52

He bought CoD black ops certifiacate 18, online. He is 13. (From ebay; he set up an account, but that's a whole 'nother issue I have to deal with!)

I have swiftly removed the game. He was previously told if he ever bought the game into this house I would shred it. He accepted me taking it off him, but now wants the £13 it cost him. Apparently I owe it to him.

I am so tired I can't think of any answer except "No".

OP posts:

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DontmindifIdo · 17/09/2012 21:32

Please, please, please, keep the game somewhere safe. Present it to him on his 18th birthday.

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samonly · 17/09/2012 21:28

You are right and he is a minor. End of. And do remove internet availability for a bit while you still can (mine has a remarkable ability to find other peoples' unsecured networks). But really do sympathise with the tired thing. My DS has stopped this kind of stuff, just to have DD start up with the "nothing to wear" business.

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LollipopViolet · 15/09/2012 23:00

Sell the game.

And the console.

And the Nerf guns.

My mum threatened similar numerous times, and it shocked me back into line. Once, I said, "You can't sell xyz, it's MINE!"

Her response?

"I bought it, with my money, so technically, it's mine, I just let you use it."

Worked on me, I never said it again!

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lottiegarbanzo · 14/09/2012 21:40

When I was six I understood that I was only allowed to spend 5p of my 15p pocket money (or could then have been 2 of 10) on sweets. This proportional approach was strictly enforced throughout childhood (until 13 when I effectively achieved financial independence for pocket money purposes with a newspaper round). Had I bought extra sweets they would have been confiscated. I understood and accepted this, cheating, I think, only once, at about 7.

Tell him he is being more stupid than a six year-old girl.

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SecretNutellaFix · 14/09/2012 21:14

sounds like he has begun to learn already.

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IvanaNap · 14/09/2012 21:11

I can't believe no one has suggested the song 'no charge'

So I thought I would. Enjoy :)

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amck5700 · 14/09/2012 21:10

This could be a long slow learning process.

Exactly!! - but he will learn and good on you for trying to raise him to have financial responsibility.

He'll grump a bit but he wont do it again.

I took 20quid of my then 11 year old for buying bloody doubloons on some pirate game he was playing on his ipod when I specifically told him not to - he didn't do it again!

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LynetteScavo · 14/09/2012 21:01

He is exhausted, I am exhausted. We have avoided each other this evening. DH has only just come in, and I couldn't face dealing with anymore attitude on my own. I did insist he stay at the table until we had all finished diner, and put his dirty plate in the dishwasher, which he did. I don't think he wanted a fight either.

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discrete · 14/09/2012 21:01

Can't you send it back for a refund?

Tell the vendor that they sold it to a minor, they should be willing to refund I should think.

Not that I would give him the 13 pounds back anyway

In our house we have a saying 'stupidity costs. live with it.'

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LynetteScavo · 14/09/2012 20:58

It was his pocket money. We give him a certain amount each week so he can learn to manage money. It also gives me something to use as a consequence. If he gets an after school detention, for example, and I have to do a 26m round trip to collect him instead of him getting the bus, his pocket money is less. He also has to use the money to top up his phone/buy a new one if he loses his. At the moment if he lost his phone, he wouldn't be able to buy a new one. Mwahahaha! This could be a long slow learning process.

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SecretNutellaFix · 14/09/2012 20:55

what is his attitude like this evening?

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seeker · 14/09/2012 20:50

Where did the money come from?

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LynetteScavo · 14/09/2012 20:50

Yes, it's a Natwest account. His account used to be linked to mine, so I could see exactly what was going in and out.Once his card was activated, it became a completely separate account.

The card was activated one afternoon. By 7am the next morning parcels started arriving on the doorstep. I'm really glad he didn't have much money in the account. I don't think he can have any left now.

I thought 13 would be a good age for a card like this, but with hindsight it's not working for us.

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amck5700 · 14/09/2012 20:49

My boys have an RBS Revolve account - it gives a cash card from age 11. They get their pocket money paid straight in and they use them for their own shopping :)

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ihearsounds · 14/09/2012 20:42

Natwest have debit card accounts for 13 year olds.. Although try telling shops this is the case when you phone dc up on way home from school to pop into supermarket and use their card to get bread and milk lol.

As for op, give ds the number for childline. Let him phone them if he thinks you are abusing him. I did this when one of my dc did similar and said one saturday morning they were going to tell teacher on monday that I abused her. Told her she didn't have to wait, here's childlines number and there's the phone. She just went into her room in a strop to moan some more to herself.

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vodkaanddietirnbru · 14/09/2012 20:39

Natwest does a child account with a debit card

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HecateHarshPants · 14/09/2012 20:24

As an aside - what bank account can a 13 yr old get that has a debit card that can be used for internet purchases? Thinking about changing my eldest's bank account so he can have more control. Although after reading this...

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HecateHarshPants · 14/09/2012 20:22

Write the number on a bit of paper, hand him the phone and say report away.

You don't need to justify yourself to him on this issue. I am not saying a parent never has a responsibility to justify their actions to their children! But on this - no. He's 13. It's an 18 game. You had told him in advance of him choosing to get it that he could not have it. He chose to ignore you. It's his tough shit.

I would suggest that every time he says he's going to report you, you pass him the phone. He knows he is being stupid and would look ridiculous if he actually did it.

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vodkaanddietirnbru · 14/09/2012 20:19

Ebay terms and conditions say you may not use our sites and services if you are under the age of 18 or you are not able to form legally binding contracts so he has breached their T&C's - not sure they would be happy!

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SizzleSazz · 14/09/2012 20:18

I would say that I would happily accompany him to the police station and let them decide whether he was rightfully owed any money.

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Bromptonaut · 14/09/2012 20:14

I've done similar. He was told not to do something and what the consequence would be if he did. He went ahead anyway.

Tough lesson but that's life. Laws and rules are there for a reason.

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Faxthatpam · 14/09/2012 17:41

Oh yes, I too have teenaged boys.

I have taken a hammer to a banned game in front of them in the past. It was most satisfying, they could not believe I was actually doing it.

You DO NOT have to justify yourself, once you start on this road it will never end - I learned this the hard way. My 3 teenaged DSs now only have the XBOX in the holidays as they have proved themselves addicts. It is sometimes hard when we unplug it at the end of the summer holidays and there are teen tantrums and nasty arguments for a week or so, and then they accept it and get on with other things... even homework on occasion.

Good luck! You have my deepest sympathy.

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MNhoneydragonHQ · 14/09/2012 17:36

Invoice him £150.00 for the games console and provide him a monthly electricity bill for his useage. Suggest he sells his nerf guns on ebay to cover the costs.

And agree with Ruby, tell him he owns the game and can play it when he is 18.

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Lougle · 14/09/2012 17:35

Incidently, my children (6 with SN, 5 and 3) were given some sweets yesterday. I reserved 6 for 'good behaviour'. Then they trashed the 2 younger girls' bedroom. I said that I expected them to return it to good order. I gave them several warnings. I told them that if they didn't do so, I'd eat the remaining 6 sweets.

They didn't. I did.

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Lougle · 14/09/2012 17:32

Tell him, that he still owns the game. It just happens to be shredded. Therefore, you don't owe him £13.

When he protests that he now can't use the game, refer him back to the conversation where you promised him that you would shred it. If you haven't already shredded it, you must do so, because you told him you would.

If you object to shredding something with a market value, then you sell it and keep the proceeds, because the game was not an appropriate use of his money, and he needs to learn that lesson. If he'd bought something else that is illegal, and the police found it on him, they would confiscate it and he would not be recompensed.

Ask him whether he thinks that someone who spends £100 on drugs gets given £100 by the police if they take away the drugs?

Also, tell him that you are his mother, he is your son. If you say it, it happens.