13 yo runaway- back to square 1.

[marriednotdead]

I've previously posted about my problems with DSS here and we have just started the process of getting him statemented.

However, he has got into trouble so ran away on Wednesday. He lied about his whereabouts on Tuesday and came home at 10pm, bringing a friend to back his story up. DH was furious and dragged him through the door, dispatching the friend immediately. After a quick blast of hairdryer treatment, DH sent him to bed as he recognised he was too angry to deal with him.

The following day, while DSS's support worker was there I found stop and search papers from a few days earlier. DH was at work so spoke to DSS by phone. Despite the evidence, he denied it had happened and as soon as he could, he packed a bag and left while I'd popped to the shop

He went to his mums, she rang SW who collected him as she refused to have him back. Apparently the shock of yet another rejection from her was written all over his face. Eventually he made his way to his cousins as SW could not persuade him to come home and wanted to know he had a roof for the night.

We believe cousin is living in a hostel but is currently not answering phone to SW. Police say they can find him and bring him home if we report him missing but can't guarantee he won't go again.

To cap it all, his mother hates my DH so much that she is encouraging this, despite it being the worst possible thing for her DS. She told the SW that if he doesn't want to come home to us, he doesn't have to. DH pointed out that she didn't want him so where did she expect him to live? Call ended messily, they are not speaking.

Am so stressed, (crying as I'm typing) and trying to hold my family together, DH is at breaking point and DSS probably doesn't care- he doesn't know how to.

Just needed to let it out, DH is too raw to talk to anyone and has asked me to keep it to myself too. (He knows I share everything with my sis so that's ok).

Thanks for reading.

I love DSS more than I thought would ever be possible. Despite his behaviour I do regard him as one of my own and worry for him in the same way. On a good day he can show appreciation for my parenting

I know what you mean about the rows- if anything will split us up, he will.

My DH knows nothing of my MN life, and would be as furious as yours. I have always been very open with my close friends and family but we row if he finds out I've told anyone our business. The only people he's ever been comfortable with me sharing stuff with was my counsellor a couple of years ago. Now it's just my closest sister which is a big concession for him.

He usually offloads on his daughter if he doesn't want to talk to me about something but he's not even shared this with her yet

Im really sorry - my ds is nowhere on the scale of your ds's,I am sorry for not holding your childrens actions in the regard and extreme they clearly are.

Ds2 is ill and isnt coping,a far cry from what you lot must go through.

No Im a sympather sucker lol .......

I agree, don't apologise dracschick.

Feel free to share your own shit and good bits here, or on a separate thread. I find people who have their own crap are quite good at rationalising other peoples

MN helps me hang onto the little bit of sanity I have left.

ty

Hopeful news. DSS spoke to DH last night after contacting the SW. Wants to go to school today but has no uniform.
Has agreed will go in and come home afterwards so we can talk

DH reckons he's missing his home comforts. Good.

so pleased there is progress.

I hope your dh can stay off lecturing so your dss can keep a bit of his pride?

DH is trying really hard to stay cool, and knows shouting/nagging won't help.

However, DSS has yet to arrive at school despite saying he was 20 minutes from there at 11am. And is not answering the phone he has acquired

Game not over just yet

married do you want to pm me, we are going through the same.

Have done TG, dipping in and out as at work atm.

Thanks for those words of wisdom mary.

He text DH a little while ago to say that his head is messed up, he does want to come home and he realises that he runs away when he's in trouble. Has said that he wants to return to get his stuff from his cousins and then come back, that he misses home.

However, has been with his mum today who is allegedly advising him to come back too. Slightly different to Friday when she was telling DH she didn't want him here Don't believe a word she says tbh.

Have established that either the date or the time is wrong on the S&S form- he was with me then.

I don't think he will come home angry, more uncertain of DH's potential reaction. Has also had time to realise he doesn't have any other boltholes. Not sure what circumstances he has left cousin's in IYSWIM.

Was here being gently lectured when I got in from work. Managed to steer DH off and let DSS talk.

Part of him thinks running away was a good idea because it gave DH a chance to calm down. I pointed out that part of responsibility is accepting that other people have feelings and that you can hurt them. That we were worried, upset and frustrated and he needed to know that.

Initial reasons given for returning home include Christmas, his birthday and lack of accessibility to his friends

Group hug, lots of promises soon to be broken but it's a start.

Thanks mary. I may finally get some sleep tonight

Hows things your end?

Hello again, has anyone sat the boy down and ask him what is bothering him? I think that would be a good start. Play a game with him where he takes the guardian role. Ask for his advise on what he would do with you. Also, it is important, not to repeat the past. Let him know that he is loved and that you are not perfect. Find out what he would like to do. Ask him where he thinks you have screwed up. He will think about it. Caution though, he may not want to do it the first time round. Be gentle. Let him know you are genuine. You want to connect. What is his world like. You will find some answers overtime. Try it...