Black tie, covered shoulders

[Magpiesalute]

I’m going to a black tie event where women have to cover their shoulders at dinner. I know…mad in 2024.

Anyway, I’ve found lots of evening dresses I like but none with sleeves/covered shoulders so I’ll have to find something to add to the outfit.

To me, boleros and pashminas just look a bit old fashioned. Has anyone seen any alternatives? Little capes or something but not ones that look dated. It doesn’t have to cover the whole arm, just shoulders.

Help?!

Could you go with something like a velvet stole or velvet shoulder cover up or similar?

I feel like velvet is such a classic material as to make it more timeless maybe?

Thanks everyone! The chiffon coverup loooks like an option.
Perhaps I’ll go full cleavage and split to the hip to get them back for making me cover my shoulders! 😂

I'm sorry if this sounds ignorant but why do the shoulders need covering? Shoulders? But full cleavage is ok?
The only time I'd understand this is for religious reasons where women are asked to cover their hair. I guess shoulders as well. But it's for a reason. Not the best one ever if you don't adhere to religion. But to be respectful if you don't follow it.
Since when do men who bomb people for a living need to ban shoulder exposure to succeed in conquering their enemies?
I don't mean to be disrespectful. I am just shocked.
But just wear a nice dress with sleeves?
I'd turn up in a couple of nipple pasties and Christina aguillera c 2002 style chaps. 😂

After the aperitif, wine and port no one will care anyway, some regiments dress uniform have capes, you could go in a matching uniform.

After the aperitif, wine and port no one will care anyway

It’s entirely possible that if guests fail to conform to the dress code, their host will be taken to one side and asked why they didn’t explain what was expected to their guest. Would you really want to embarrass the person who’s been kind enough to invite you? As a veteran of two decades of these formal dinners I can assure you everyone will notice.

I really don't understand the attitude of "I'll do what I want, who cares anyway". It's so rude.

@Garlicnaan, planning to top EVERY outfit with one of those fantastic capes from now on...

Presumably there's one for men too - something to do with suits, shirts and ties. Personally I'd rather just pop a cardie on.

I have been to many military formal occasions and no one has ever commented on after dinner dress, jackets come off, people drink and dance, here the ladies are only asked to cover their shoulders during dinner, not for the whole evening.

Exactly. So you cover your shoulders for dinner, yes?

Seriously, if the "wear what you want crowd" could see the get up DH needs to wear a shoulder covering for a female guest us nothing. I'm more bemused by the Port rules!

You should of seen the near scandal from a guest wearing trainers under a dress (Note... this is fine for medical reasons with prior agreement).

To add... his Mess dress actually requires another person to get them into it. Its designed for someone to dress them!

My bloke’s wasn’t as extreme as that but watching them all mince downstairs sideways to avoid tripping on their spurs was hysterical!

It’s the rules on covering a woman’s body. Made by men.

It’s the rules on covering a woman’s body. Made by men.

Is it OK for women, at a women's college, for example, to have rules about male guests at formal events covering their bodies?

Those aren’t comparable because they’re normal societal things like you must wear clothes. Not covering certain parts of their genitalia imagine

I have a silver shawl I wear for these occasions. It goes with everything and means I can buy dresses I like, rather than ones that meet the dress requirements.

It not the height of fashion, but it's only for the meal.

I'd like to see a man turn up to a military dinner with bare shoulders 😆

It’s like those formal dinner things that specify long dresses, why?
Stop telling women what to wear all the time

Its a party. Its not like its a compulsory event. If you are invited to a party and don't like the dress code, you don't go.

Mess events are full of silly rules like this. Everyone just rolls their eyes, makes fun of them and moves on to the enjoyable parts.

They’re absolutely comparable. Black tie is prescriptive, I’ve never heard a man complain about it.

You're becoming a bore. Many social events have prescriptive dress codes for men and women. If you don't like the dress codes, don't go the event.

Why are you getting so enraged by this?

I think our current societal norm that a woman must bare as much flesh as possible at all times, has got to you.

It is not repression to have shoulders covered once every couple of years at a formal dinner.

Perhaps you have exhibitionist tendencies?

IMO it's these "rules" that make formal occasions special. Otherwise we'll all go to runner weddings in nice comfy shorts and vests.

I'm surprised at the number of people who are finding this objectionable. It's an event with a dress code. If a potential guest finds it intolerable there's no need to go. As others have said, the dress code for the male and military participants will be even less flexible.