Expensive hair & understated clothes. WTF is it?

[follyfeet]

Was just reading an old S&B thread about 'looking well put together,' not flashy or designer, just everyday casual yet decent clothes. Apart from the stereotypical claptrap concerning Barbour jackets and dog hair, it was a fascinating read!

What I can't get my head around is 'expensive' hair. Wtf is it exactly? Most of us can't help the way our hair grows (thickness, texture, porosity) so how can one alter that? I always imagine this is all quite subjective anyway, but for the sake of sticking to the theme, my very own blonde version of Kate Bush or Helena Bonham Carter (a bit mad, kinky and wild) wouldn't make the cut, lol.

It's all fashion isn't it at the end of the day? Today's preferred expensive hair is most likely Kate Middleton's, but that wasn't always the sought after style.

So what is expensive hair, in your opinion?

And then there's the clothes! Where are these 'well put together' peeps MN'ers speak of buying their togs? I like the idea of understated, which is mentioned often, but no one ever mentions the actual shops. Where are these lovely exquisite chunky knits and other understated items hiding? Most of the higher end high street sucks imo.

Some comments mention wealth or class, but having been surrounded with well off arty types throughout my career I only noticed a lack of make up and a lot of frizz. No one seemed to care.

I am in my early 40's, work in art (painter) and science (geologist), and love yoga, theatre, hiking and architecture, and I dress quite boringly, I think. I spend £150 per year on my hair and buy most of my clothes from superdry or white company (i suit their colour scheme). I don't seem to have a clue about style tbh, but I would like to learn more. Clue me in Mumsnet! I can never find shops with nice things that aren't either country casuals or overpriced cheap rubbish.

[GettingStuffed]

If it's frizzy try a shampoo for curly hair, I use noughty and my hair is lovely. I currently have a chin length Bob and it's a bit 20s looking

[abvgd]

I straightened my curly hair for decades. Growing up in the Soviet Union with just a few shampoo products available - without distinction for hair types - we all experimented with natural alternatives: washing hair with eggs (disaster for dry curly hair), rinsing it with vinegar, using beer as a conditioner etc. No one knew how to care for or style curly hair so I stopped going to the hairdresser's at 14 after another disastrous and expensive haircut. My hair was long, thick, curly and shapeless, pre-rafaelite on steroids, so I just wore it plaited or on in a bun. I slept in curlers (the result was shiny locks vs sad frizz) and only discovered blow drying after university, at the same time as first western brands flooded the market. Coming to the UK was a game-changer for my hair - salons actually know how to cut and style it, hurrah! I found my hair nirvana in a shoulder-length bob with highlights; styled at home first with babyliss big hair (thank you Mumsnet) and ghd and then Dyson.

After 20 years of doing the "expensive hair" ritual with regular highlights, treatment, trim and blow dry I just couldn't be bothered with straightening during Covid. Cue a shorter cut snd natural curls - chin length near the face, shorter in the back. It took a few goes to fine tune the shape so that it looks good for a few months and even as hair grows it still suits my bone structure and looks polished and deliberate rather than a bird's nest or spaniel ears.

Maintenance is easy these days. Shampoo once a week (Philip Kingsley moisturising shampoo), wash without shampoo (rinse with vigorous scalp massage) every day, apply conditioner or Philip Kingsley elasticizer on dripping wet hair, either with sections rolled on a finger into a spiral and let loose or just hair raked with fingers. Not bothered with diffuser, just air dry. Lovely defined curls but need to repeat every day.

Looking pulled together with curly hair is different than with straight. I find that I need to wear at least one structured tailored item; all comfy loose slouchy or floaty clothes with curly hair look just wrong on me, frumpy and aging. So a sharp tailored jacket and good leather shoes with jeans. I love(d) big earrings and necklaces but with curly hair and casual clothes they make me look like a hippy fortune-teller from Florida so need to balance them with more minimalist clothes.

Having grown up in a different culture I am indifferent to English country brands (boden, toast, f&f). I don't see them as understated, they may be safe middle class but not necessarily stylish or becoming (to me). They also don't quite suit my physique (tall, used to be size 10-12, now 12-14, sometimes 16 in trousers). Would love to have tailor-made clothes (like my grandmothers did in 1950-60s) as due to height many dresses look terrible on me with waist under my chest. Agree with all previous posters about natural fabrics and quality. I appreciate we all have different lifestyles and disposable income but buying the best you can afford pays off massively. I still wear Ferragamo and tod's shoes bought 20 years ago, ditto some jackets including a Lagerfeld one from 1995 when he was still at Chanel. It was terribly expensive for me then, even despite the huge discount, but having grown up in the ussr I was used to having to pay a monthly salary for a winter coat or a pair of boots, so the expense did not seem that disproportionate. And with cost per wear it certainly turned out a great investment!

My go-to brands for understated have been Armani and Max Mara plus Cos for trousers and Uniqlo for supima cotton T-shirts. I wear edgier designers too but tend to add one directional piece to well-fitting neutral basics. Please don't roll your eyes at the cost of the brands I mentioned, i buy everything in sales or on eBay. Once you know what brand /shape/ size suits you it's easy to filter through the right items. These days I buy most of my stuff online. Yoox and theOutnet have non-stop discounts with regular promotions on top, so you end up paying less than high street price for a quality designer classic.

In terms of colours, I think saying that understated means black, navy, grey and beige is simplistic and unhelpful. I would compare it to Farrow snd Ball paint colours - there are dozens of whites, undefinable greyish-brownish-mushroomy colours, some sludgy colours as well as strong jewel reds and vivid blues, so one can always choose the right neutrals and bright colours that suit one's complexion and general colouring and go well together.

At times I think that with the more relaxed working environment - when we all ditched corporate uniforms and heels - looking polished and pulled together is harder as no one quite knows what is appropriately smart these days, it all depends on one's taste snd level of confidence. On the other hand, it's a wonderful opportunity to spend money on things you actually love and that allow you to be your most authentic self rather than assume class- or employment-determined persona.

[follyfeet]

@abvgd

I straightened my curly hair for decades. Growing up in the Soviet Union with just a few shampoo products available - without distinction for hair types - we all experimented with natural alternatives: washing hair with eggs (disaster for dry curly hair), rinsing it with vinegar, using beer as a conditioner etc. No one knew how to care for or style curly hair so I stopped going to the hairdresser's at 14 after another disastrous and expensive haircut. My hair was long, thick, curly and shapeless, pre-rafaelite on steroids, so I just wore it plaited or on in a bun. I slept in curlers (the result was shiny locks vs sad frizz) and only discovered blow drying after university, at the same time as first western brands flooded the market. Coming to the UK was a game-changer for my hair - salons actually know how to cut and style it, hurrah! I found my hair nirvana in a shoulder-length bob with highlights; styled at home first with babyliss big hair (thank you Mumsnet) and ghd and then Dyson.

After 20 years of doing the "expensive hair" ritual with regular highlights, treatment, trim and blow dry I just couldn't be bothered with straightening during Covid. Cue a shorter cut snd natural curls - chin length near the face, shorter in the back. It took a few goes to fine tune the shape so that it looks good for a few months and even as hair grows it still suits my bone structure and looks polished and deliberate rather than a bird's nest or spaniel ears.

Maintenance is easy these days. Shampoo once a week (Philip Kingsley moisturising shampoo), wash without shampoo (rinse with vigorous scalp massage) every day, apply conditioner or Philip Kingsley elasticizer on dripping wet hair, either with sections rolled on a finger into a spiral and let loose or just hair raked with fingers. Not bothered with diffuser, just air dry. Lovely defined curls but need to repeat every day.

Looking pulled together with curly hair is different than with straight. I find that I need to wear at least one structured tailored item; all comfy loose slouchy or floaty clothes with curly hair look just wrong on me, frumpy and aging. So a sharp tailored jacket and good leather shoes with jeans. I love(d) big earrings and necklaces but with curly hair and casual clothes they make me look like a hippy fortune-teller from Florida so need to balance them with more minimalist clothes.

Having grown up in a different culture I am indifferent to English country brands (boden, toast, f&f). I don't see them as understated, they may be safe middle class but not necessarily stylish or becoming (to me). They also don't quite suit my physique (tall, used to be size 10-12, now 12-14, sometimes 16 in trousers). Would love to have tailor-made clothes (like my grandmothers did in 1950-60s) as due to height many dresses look terrible on me with waist under my chest. Agree with all previous posters about natural fabrics and quality. I appreciate we all have different lifestyles and disposable income but buying the best you can afford pays off massively. I still wear Ferragamo and tod's shoes bought 20 years ago, ditto some jackets including a Lagerfeld one from 1995 when he was still at Chanel. It was terribly expensive for me then, even despite the huge discount, but having grown up in the ussr I was used to having to pay a monthly salary for a winter coat or a pair of boots, so the expense did not seem that disproportionate. And with cost per wear it certainly turned out a great investment!

My go-to brands for understated have been Armani and Max Mara plus Cos for trousers and Uniqlo for supima cotton T-shirts. I wear edgier designers too but tend to add one directional piece to well-fitting neutral basics. Please don't roll your eyes at the cost of the brands I mentioned, i buy everything in sales or on eBay. Once you know what brand /shape/ size suits you it's easy to filter through the right items. These days I buy most of my stuff online. Yoox and theOutnet have non-stop discounts with regular promotions on top, so you end up paying less than high street price for a quality designer classic.

In terms of colours, I think saying that understated means black, navy, grey and beige is simplistic and unhelpful. I would compare it to Farrow snd Ball paint colours - there are dozens of whites, undefinable greyish-brownish-mushroomy colours, some sludgy colours as well as strong jewel reds and vivid blues, so one can always choose the right neutrals and bright colours that suit one's complexion and general colouring and go well together.

At times I think that with the more relaxed working environment - when we all ditched corporate uniforms and heels - looking polished and pulled together is harder as no one quite knows what is appropriately smart these days, it all depends on one's taste snd level of confidence. On the other hand, it's a wonderful opportunity to spend money on things you actually love and that allow you to be your most authentic self rather than assume class- or employment-determined persona.

Nothing worse than safe! It is quite limiting, no matter our social identification.

You sound a bit like me, your hair 'journey'
Hacking a few inches off does wonders, shoulder length and tousled. I spent so many years trying to defy nature, when nature was already good enough. I learned that what makes my face look good and more like myself is more important than pursuing some imagined level of perfection.

I used to use expensive products, then realised there wasn't a great deal of difference for me. I now use tresemme shampoo for clarifying and kerastase on occasion for a deep condition. To ease the fluffiness I will use either a leave in conditioner or the Aussie serum. If I could recoup the money I spent on defying nature for barely any result, I would be flying.

I love how more natural hair is becoming visible now, after a few decades of repression. I see a lot of younger women just going with the flow, it's a good thing!

[follyfeet]

@GettingStuffed

If it's frizzy try a shampoo for curly hair, I use noughty and my hair is lovely. I currently have a chin length Bob and it's a bit 20s looking

Weirdly enough, the Gianni curl creme works well for me after washing. I don't have curly hair, or at least the 'curls' flatten out once dry, but it seems to give my hair a nice shine. It dries a bit crispy, but when i run my fingers through it later I have decent soft waves.

[TheWideningGyre]

Do you know whose hair I love?

My hair!!

I. Love. My. Hair.

[Mercurial123]

My hair was beautiful in my 20's it fell into corkscrew curls with zero effort. As I've got older it's got frizzy due to menopause but it was never the same after chemo when I was 38.

Curly Girl wasn't for me so now I find it easier to straighten using L'Oréal Steampod. Olaplex 3 has improved my hair condition but the K18 mask is probably the best thing I've used so far. Expensive but worth it.

[Cam22]

@antelopevalley

Boring as fuck in otherwords.
I mean if you want to look like your gran when you are much younger up to you, but i beats me why younger women with money would dress like that.

It’s just the way they do it in certain circles. It’s a lovely easy look.

[IndianSummer78]

I've got the decent blonde part down, it's a good shape, but my texture is fluffy. I can't be arsed with buying expensive tools and potions to change it either. I will settle into a batty academic middle age.

You need to understand that "expensive hair" looks natural but isn't. Like "natural makeup" isn't your natural face, it's makeup. A little effort is needed. Washing it then leaving it to do it's own thing isn't going to give you "expensive looking" hair.

You don't need expensive things though. Shampoo for dry hair for the wash. Comb conditioner for dry hair through with a wide-toothed comb (I'm not talking about the wide end of an ordinary comb, but an actual wide-toothed comb). Rinse well. Wrap in a towel for 5min, squeeze excess water out of your hair.

Use a teaspoon of coconut oil (in the world foods section of the supermarket, it's solid at room temperature but becomes liquid in your hands) to smooth through the ends and lengths (not the roots), followed by a grapefruit sized palm full of mousse. My hair is halfway down my back, use slightly less if yours is shorter. Comb the products through and leave to air dry (you may need to scrunch the curls back in with your hands after combing, just get your hair ends sitting in your palm and push the hair up towards your head). Trial and error will teach you how to comb it (eg center parting or combed back away from your face or whatever) so the end result hangs nice and suits you.

This will give you defined curls, not frizz, and costs little. I get even more defined curls with more bounce if I blow dry upside down with a diffuser on the hairdryer, which isn't expensive. Put sections of hair in the bowl of the diffuser and push it up towards your head, finish with the cold setting and stop when hair is 80% dry letting the air do the rest. Takes around 10min. I save this for special occasions due to the extra effort involved and the heat damage to hair.

Have the split ends trimmed off and use a hair mask occasionally, I use olive oil for this (instead of styling products) and leave it in until the next wash. If your hair is properly conditioned like this it won't get split ends so often. Split ends look messy and create frizz. Stop brushing your hair, ever, but especially when dry. Curly hair generally doesn't like it and you can cause hairs to break and ends to split just by brushing it.

[verdantverdure]

@Raddix

Expensive hair is natural looking and not over styled. No colours that look obviously fake. No shaved bits or weird styles. Just plain healthy hair in your natural style. Think like the Princess of Wales.

I would categorise Meghan the Duchess of Sussex's hair in the effortlessly beautiful and healthy sort of category but the Princess of Wale's is dyed too brassy and over styled and padded out with extensions to fit the bill.

[Porridgeislife]

The Duchess of Sussex’s hair is chemically treated within an inch of its life and bulked out with extensions as she’s naturally quite curly. It looks great but is definitely not healthy and natural!

[antelopevalley]

@Porridgeislife I am surprised about some comments on here quoting celebrities and saying they have natural hair when they clearly do not. There was a lot of that when I was talking about black women's hair. But I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people do not recognise all the hair treatments and extensions that various celebrities have done.

[KirstenBlest]

Donna Langley's has 'expensive hair'

[quirkychick]

I suppose hair is "expensive" if you are paying lots of money for highlights, lowlights, regular blow dries and treatments like straightening or extensions. So it looks bouncy and sort of natural, but not quite. You can presumably only get this look with a lot of money. It does seem to be a very UK or US style to choose this kind of blow dried look. My personal preference is to look after your hair to make the most of it's natural colour and texture. @IndianSummer78 oils can be good to protect your hair, I agree, though different oils might work for different hair types. I really like almond oil (yellowy oil, like olive, can stain silver hair).

[idonotmind]

@abvgd

Crackin post 😚

[verdantverdure]

@Porridgeislife

The Duchess of Sussex’s hair is chemically treated within an inch of its life and bulked out with extensions as she’s naturally quite curly. It looks great but is definitely not healthy and natural!

It usually looks effortless heathy and glossy and not over tortured though doesn't it? That, to me is expensive hair.

[Coffeepot72]

But even though Lady Louise has a touch of frizz, overall she looks expensive

[verdantverdure]

@Coffeepot72

But even though Lady Louise has a touch of frizz, overall she looks expensive

I don't know who that is.

[KirstenBlest]

@verdantverdure , the daughter of Prince Edward and the Countess of Wessex.

[verdantverdure]

@KirstenBlest

@verdantverdure , the daughter of Prince Edward and the Countess of Wessex.

This Lady Louise?

[pawkins]

@CountFoscoslittlewhitemice

I think Carrie Johnson has expensive hair. It looks healthy and effortless, but it's beautifully cut, coloured and conditioned.

I agree Kate Midleton's hair just looks time consuming and impractical to me. She looks like she spends hours getting it done every day and when its not blow dried, it looks pretty dreary (see the videos of her during lockdown).

Straight hair is generally shinier than curls and tends to look better IF its thick. Its very difficult for thin hair to look expensive.

Colour also looks better if the natural colour is enhanced rather than changed. A colleague of mine has beautifully highlighted hair. My other colleague has blonde hair but it looks terrible in comparison to the colleague who attends a better hairdresser. But of course its Catch 22 because eventually coloured/treated hair will break and snap.

This won't go down well but understated and 'expensive' looking has a lot to do with your weight. If you are slim, clothes hang better on you. They look neater.

[pawkins]

@verdantverdure

This Lady Louise?

This woman doesn't look expensive. She looks in her 30s when she probably isn't.

[verdantverdure]

I think she looks like an upper class teenager, but that's the first photo that comes up for Lady Louise Wessex

[verdantverdure]

I just asked my friend if she knows who Lady Louise Wessex is and she said "Everyone does! Bare arms at the Queen's funeral."

So now I know who she is. Apart from Kwasi Kwarteng giggling and talking on the phone in the Abbey, she was the only other person who elicited a negative reaction. Her dress struck me as inappropriate, and not formal enough for the occasion.

[RosesAndHellebores]

What unkindness to a lass of 18 who has just lost her grandma.

She looked entirely proper at the funeral. She looked 18 and didn't put a step wrong.

Vipers indeed.

[antelopevalley]

@RosesAndHellebores Are there not protocols around dress for the funeral? So bare arms acceptable or not?