Worried about dressing my daughter!

[Zitouna]

Realise this is basically lunacy, but here goes...

I have a just 3yo DS and a six month old DD. With my son, it was easy and I quite enjoyed finding nice, practical clothes for him, and I was totally confident in my choices.

With my daughter I’m really struggling! (I know, she’s six months, can just wear a babygrow, this is ridiculous). I feel a lot of pressure for her clothes to be ‘right’.

I always had the ‘wrong’ clothes as a child (dressed in hand me down Laura Ashley smocks my mum thought were lovely - vividly remember being asked by kid at school why I was dressed like Little House On the Prairie...) and don’t want her to have that feeling. We also have close friends with a baby girl of the same age, who she will grow up with - and her parents are v focussed on clothes and the right look, and I don’t want my DD to be the odd one out.

Obviously the answer is for her to develop the confidence to wear her own choice of clothing and not worry what others think - but for now she has to be dressed by me and I’m sort of paralysed by anxiety about it. She’s therefore mostly wearing her brother’s hand me downs!

I don’t really like the bright shouty coloured stuff like fruugi, definitely don’t like girly pink unicorns and stuff, yet also weirdly resentful of Instagramable greige outfits. I have therefore bought nothing! I then veer to thinking she should just wear her brother’s cast offs forever and it will be character forming - but then realise I’ve turned into my mother!

Help! Either with ideas for where to get clothes or how to manage these feelings (I know this is silly - probs a bit of post-natal anxiety in there tho, so don’t be too brutal with me!)

You might like Joules kids clothes if your taste is more towards boys/unisex. It's good quality, washes and tumble dries really well. It's pricey though but good value if you have more coming after.

But stop stressing ! Life is too short and she is oblivious. And lots of girls mine included like little boys clothes. Dd1 was a walking talking dinosaur encyclopaedia, DD2 likes unicorns and fairies. You'll just have to wait and see what they point to on the shelves eventually

My DD wore a lot of dungarees, mostly girls but sometimes boys one. I found the girls ones used softer fabric. She's my oldest so only a few hand me downs from friends.

She also had a few jumper dresses to wear with tights, shorts & tights seemed quite popular too.

Quite a few mixes of bold & pastel colours & patterns. Stripes, spots or just plain t-shirts are good.

She's nearly 12 now & quite 'girly' but mostly wears skinny jeans & hoodies. She did go through a very sparkly pink phase which was fine as it was her choice.

Thanks all for the helpful thoughts - I did say I realise it’s ridiculous! Very aware of cycles of passing things on mother-daughter, and keen to avoid that (also aware that the attempts to avoid can make it worse!)

Just to be clear, I absolutely want her to wear clothes that are practical and allow her to play - I was struggling to find stuff! I’ve not bought her any dresses for precisely that reason - they get tangled and in the way of rolling and crawling.

She mostly has trousers and tops/cardigans when she’s not just in a babygrow. All the leggings seem so thin compared to the boys clothes! But suspect that’s what to go for, and to layer up.

Some really helpful links and ideas - appreciated, as is the sympathy. Pretty glad I didn’t post in AIBU!

I wouldn’t worry about her wearing hand me down boys clothes either- my DD has always worn a mix, she’s very big on dinosaurs and whales, which are apparently for boys, according to clothing companies

OP you feel pressure from whom?

I had the 'wrong clothes' as a kid too and was adamant that I would choose fashionable clothes for my kids if I had them. Well oncce my daughter came along, she would only wear twirly dresses from the age of 18 months/ 2 years, and now at 8.5 years she chooses twirly dresses from the likes of Frugi, Kite, H and M. She has recently branched out into twirly skirts. She is definitely wearig the 'wrong' clothes but a: she doesn't care, its all her choice, b: noone has said anything to her at school (yet) and I am prepared for when they do and c: she is very focused on people being themselves and not just choosing stuff to fit in. So you may be surprised how things go when she grows up!
For now, her brothers hand me downs are fine, if you want something a bit more feminine then what about Jojo Maman Bebe, H and M and M and S mixed in?

You'll be ok. It's odd this year as there's not as much opportunity to browse.
You're remembering your childhood because you're remembering feeling "not right." Because you're aware of that, when your daughter is old enough to develop her own taste you will be responsive and together you can pick clothes that make her feel confident.
In the meantime buy her what you like. Whatever you see that you think looks good, your faves from last time around. It doesn't matter whether they're what your friends dress their babies in, it's not going to create a label for her. The worst thing that will happen is teenage DD will see a photo one day and laugh.

I strongly dislike pink. My daughter doesn't. As a toddler she lived in shorts/jeans and t-shirts but now she just loves dresses. We compromise by buying her lots of Boden dresses (off eBay, only rich people can ignore gender stereotypes apparently) with knights and rockets, coupled with lots of leggings. Still practical for climbing trees and she feels great. Summertime she throws on the h&m classics. Super easy

I dressed my DD in baby grows, dungarees, jeans and jogging bottoms. Far more practical than dresses and tights. She liked a lot of boys stuff as she got older with dinosaurs etc. At that age I just got what was practical and smart as opposed to worrying about trends!

Leggings and t shirts from now until forever (or that's the case with my DD who is 10!). Dresses can be impractical. Jumpsuits are a good alternative if you want her to look nice but she wants to run around but they are summery, not so much for now.

As your DD is only 6mo, you can layer with vests, cardigans, jumpers, coats etc. And tights under leggings is not only warm, but it means they never lose their socks either.

Never fear, you can get fleece lined leggings which are very cosy. DD is living in them right now. We bought them in Dunnes but I'm sure they're everywhere.

I get it op.
I was the only one in school photos in an Alice in wonderland type dress with ribbons in my hair. My mum also had a penchant for red or green thick wool tights (for me).
I dressed my first dd in lots of neons. Skater dresses or embroidered decoration dungarees with neon high top sneakers. It suited her rather fierce personality! Second dd seems more of a softie although only 3 mnths. I'm dressing her more in pink and turquoise. Elephants and flowers feature a lot. Baby grows only probably until shes 6m. Can't be bothered with fiddly outfits.
I never liked many boy clothes in the shops as couldnt imagine black on a baby but bought plenty of dinosaur related outfits from the boy aisle for dd1 and am sure I will for dd2 if there's something cute. I just didn't want either of them to be dressed in such a soppy, prissy way as I was!

Also always buy jeans from the boy range as detest the skinny, circulation pinching jeans for girls.

I found it easier to dress my daughter than son! Maybe it's because she was first

I bought lots of colour block bits or stripes or spots as I don't like anything too cutesy or childish like unicorns. I know they are a baby but it's just my preference. She can wear all that shiz when she can make her own choices 😂

I had a lot of dark leggings usually navy or grey to hide the dirt from crawling etc and then with a brighter top not bright 😂

These are great from next at only £4. Wash well and I've given them to my SIL and my niece is now wearing them.

www.next.co.uk/g241510s2/594295#594295

Then usually a cardi or hoodie.

I bought most of her things from next & gap & a little from H&M as find that hit or miss. But when I was near a zara I would always buys stuff from there. By far my favourite. Good quality and cheap and that's where I got most compliments from on her clothes. Some stuff does have odd slogans but a lot of the stuff I would love in my size!

@JamesMoriarty I agree, leggings or jeggings with t-shirts or sweatshirts/sweaters

Comfortable, practical, warm and you can pick them up in all sorts of lovely colours and patterns (H&M do the best cheaper long sleeved t-shirts, and popper vests with proper round necks for when they are small)
Landsend and Boden for really good winter sweatshirts.

Oh and leggings for the crawling stage, trust me.

My dd is nearly 5 months. We were given a ton of clothing - an awful lot of pink unicorns but it was free and she’s in them approximately 2 minutes so we roll with it. I also do a bit of charity shop shopping or buy bundles on Vinted because at this age the stuff is all as good as new anyway and I’m trying to be a bit more conscious of the environment.

The odd things I buy new tend to be from Morrison’s nutmeg which have some nice stuff and their leggings have been decent quality so far, also second the recommendation for Lindex. Blade and Rose to good thick leggings - I just buy whichever are on sale (or get second hand). And there’s a Uk brand called Picallily that I like which does lovely dungarees - again I’ve only bought the reduced stuff from there but it’s been lovely. Some of it is a bit bright/ frugi-esque but there’s some nice prints too. (They also do clothing in the same prints in adult sizes so you can ‘twin’ with your baby which I just find totally baffling - why would you want to?)

I have to admit I have no idea what you are talking about. I would just use a lot of clothes from your DS. I never bothered about gender confirm dressing. We got a lot of clothes for DDs from friends who had boys before us so the first 2-3 years they wore a lot of boys stuff and looked pretty cool.

We also have close friends with a baby girl of the same age, who she will grow up with - and her parents are v focussed on clothes and the right look, and I don’t want my DD to be the odd one out.

eh? you sound very insecure. Are you always worried about such things? Just dress her in clothes you like and don't try to conform. That that sounds extremely exhausting.

I think your issue is your anxiety/insecurity and not how to dress DD.

You are massively over thinking this OP. Just choose the clothes you like for her until she’s old enough to have an opinion. It’s really as simple as that.

I have 3 dds, I dressed them in a mixture of dresses/dungarees/leggings when they were small. I liked Boden because of the great quality but loads of other cheaper options.

I get what you're talking about too OP. As a mum of 2 DD, and as someone who was always dresses in frilly floaty floral dresses with matching hair accessories and shoes as a child, I have struggled with this. I cringe when my girls get gifted clothes that are not my style or when DH picks out their clothes for them in the morning. I find I dress them in a bit of everything, mostly practical leggings and tops but occasionally dresses and skirts. They wear everything from unicorns, sportswear and h&m. My eldest DD4 is at a stage where she likes to pick her own clothes which I struggled with at first but actually quite like it now, it's taken the pressure away from me. This is something I've never given much thought about before, but I think it's a really important issue to raise!