Crepes of Froth

[MaybeBentley]

Bum! Just join a thread and lock it down! So I'll start the next one.

[bigTillyMint]

Meant to say good luck with your mum's appointment, BD!

[beachyhead]

Stropps, it's so hard to watch the 'hate everything about my life' stage. To be fair, dd1 didn't suffer, but I know ds1, who is 12, has been there intermittently since he was 8 or so. I spoke to a friend, who is a psychiatric nurse, who explained the constant round of enforcing their low esteem. So if he hears three lovely comments about him during the day, from friends or teachers, then one shouting or teasing or telling off, that is the only one he will remember or take away from the day, as it reinforces his opinion of himself.

It's a real circle and hard for them to see the way out. Lots of calm encouragement and positive reinforcement and sitting it out seem to be the way to go, although CBT counselling can help them recognise the positive signs and ignore or balance the negative thoughts. You seem to be doing exactly the right thing at the moment, but I know how hard it is...

Right amateur analysis over and to give you all a laugh, I bought these beauties which in the shop I tried to convince myself were quirky, but actually they are just plain ugly and are being returned today. I hate shoe shopping for work.

[beachyhead]

Oh and on chickens Stropps, never underestimate the the healing effects of chickens. They are perfect and will give her a summer long focus. Set up a bench nearby for chicken watching.

[beachyhead]

Can't get my link to work, so scrolling needed!
Piquet wedges

[wilbur]

Beachy - agree that the wedges are a little orthopedic, even for a crepey. Yes, shoes for work are a nightmare - I'm up and down a metal spiral staircase at work which are a deathtrap without adding heels.

I want some chickens too . Maybe Stropps can do some kind of adopt a chicken for the chickenless, like the Dogs Trust do. Mainly I want one of these.

[bigTillyMint]

I have just picked these up - they have already been much admired at work

[Stropperella]

CV, that sounds horrendous. I'd not be tough enough to hold out for another week to see the doc. Hope things settle down for you way before next Wed.

Here, dd seems to have reverted to entirely normal adolescent surliness. I predict another possible bout of hoo-hah on Fri, as she has (another) important maths exam for which she has done cack-all revision. O joy, rapture, etc etc.

Beachy, thank you! I have been having a major wibble about the chooks. I shall drag our garden bench down there this morning in preparation for chicken therapy. Also, what you say about them only hearing the negative comments is so true. I see this phenomenon with dd all the time. I do think that being young for the year and in some ways young for her age has been a major disadvantage to her in her school career. She has spent forever playing catch-up, which has been exhausting and, of course, fruitless. If she had been born 2 months later and been one of the oldest in the year, rather than one of the youngest, I think it would have made a big difference to her attitude to school.

Re shoes: I tried to buy some when on my hols, as the Germans and Austrians appear to have wider feet than the Brits, which means I can find stuff to fit me much more easily than I can here. However, I found myself inexorably drawn to the orthopedic shoes in the various shops and convinced myself that a certain pair of sandals were really nice. And then just before making my purchase, I saw that this very pair were on the trotters of some properly old person who was browsing next to me and in one fell swoop I lost the confidence to make any shoe shopping decisions at all. End result = no shoes.

Wilbur at the frizzy bird. 'Fraid mine will be v. dull-looking in comparison.

[Stropperella]

Nice sandals, BTM. BTW, re: your tone of voice query - I'm afraid I don't deal at all well with it. I react to it every time. In part because if I let stuff like that go, ds starts doing what dd does and sorry, but I'm really not EVER going to tolerate it coming from an 8 year old. So it gets the ton of bricks treatment.

[bigTillyMint]

DD is summer-born too! (end of July) Maybe that is part of the problem?

I also find it very difficult to ignore, but I managed it the other night, and the conversation then moved onto a more normal tone. I must try harder.

[addle]

DS is mid August and it seems very cyclical - sometimes he's fine and sometimes he seems much younger emotionally than his peers. And he's another who only sees the gloom in everything. Requires a lot of cheerfulness from parents, which doesn't come naturally to me as am a fretter.

Nice sandals BTM - do you think they really tone up?

[bigTillyMint]

Addle, I've no idea - I just bought them because they are comfy to walk in all day

DD doesn't seem as resilient as she presents outwardly and is obviously finding it difficult to tell us when she is feeling upset about stuff...

I need to keep up my calm, patient, up-beat demeanour (that I manage all day at work) at home, which is rather draining

[Stropperella]

I'm afraid I am by nature anything but calm, patient and upbeat. I am a stressed-out, over-anxious doom merchant. However, beating myself up about this won't help either. I tell myself that lots of people survive really, really bad situations and grow up perfectly fine. We do NOT need to be perfection personified. Part of adolescence is coping with the fact that your parents are real people and they have flaws. It's also about learning to take responsibility for stuff. It's not easy for either party, but I don't see that me tolerating rudeness and snarkiness is going to make them better people. Or indeed happier in themselves.

Also, I won't be held to ransome by bad behaviour. I've already had that horrible thing where she's run off and I had to contact the police. I know what it feels like. But that doesn't mean I can give in to her when she's behaving like an arse. She has a choice, just the same as everyone else. She did at least apologise yesterday. Eventually. I strive for firm but fair. Don't always manage it, but I try.

[hattymattie]

crem My DD1 and yours must have crossed. She was also there Wed for Law open day and visiting colleges. She said she loved Clare but also several other colleges. The problem now is she'll be devasted if she doesn't get in. I've told her the chances are very slim.

Another who thought Shingles was for grown-ups poor child.

I'm not online very much at the moment as DS cracked the laptop screen. Definitely a case of "wait till your father gets home" last night. He went to bed ultra early and pretended to be asleep! I am now on DD1's laptop and had to ask her very nicely to text me her password! In fact I had to beg!!

DH says I should get an ipad but I don't know if they are good for typing.

[bigTillyMint]

Stropps, so true.
And I think DD knows that most of the time, but I think stuff from school got on top of her and so anything at home was just overload.

I need to force myself to remind her about tone of voice, etc in a non-snappy way
I don't give in. Maybe that's part of the problem

Fingers crossed for the DD's wanting to get into Oxbridge - Law there must be very competitive?

DH only uses his ipad for surfing. I don't really like it, but I think that's just because I'm not used to it. IMHO it's utterly useless for wordprocessing as it doesn't have word and therefore useless for anything other than research for homework!

[beachyhead]

Talking of cracked screens, my dh dropped and cracked my iPhone last night....

It might be a case of LTB.

[bigTillyMint]

[Cremolafoam]

Hattie oh that's funny they were there at the same time. Yes absolute long shot for dd too. Needless to say she loved Clare and got to stay in the halls and chat to head of dept. wants to do HSPS and likes clare because of music opps there. Motley than likely to end up in the 'pool' anyhoo.

However edinburgh might just swoop to pole position over cambs . She likes the idea of being able to work at the Festival and do more than one subject( in Scotland you can start your first year with 4 subjects before specialising )
It'll all come out in wash I say.

We are recruiting ATM and 2,400 people applied for 6 jobs. The short list contains 4 people with PhDs .
The job is basically to show people to their seats in a big venue.

Degree schmee.

[motherinferior]

I just played Tough with a client and feel quite nervous. Actually I played tough with two - I charged one on the basis of word rate rather than hourly input which err was quite a lot more; the other is someone I've done an editing job for, for which I quoted 10 days at a rather nice rate. It's taken me rather a lot longer, but I've said all along that I'll absorb that as it was an under-estimate on my part AND the fee is pretty damn good.

I've also made it clear that any changes from now on are extra - and that I'll charge for them. In some ways I feel 'ooh, if I've done a bad job surely that should be absorbed' - I know they have 'some tweaks and changes'. OTOH they have had the copy for ages - the first lot went in over a month ago, at a timetable we'd agreed - and I did say a while back that anything that happens after I've submitted my final invoice (which went in today) is extra. And said (politely) that yes do let me know about final changes with an estimate of how many days you think this will take.

AIBU? Or alternatively am I being Entirely Reasonable?

[addle]

Entirely Reasonable and Professional, especially given the lapse in time. I'm waiting for similar responses and not looking forward to it.

[Cremolafoam]

Entirely reasonable MI .
< nods sagely>
Because you're worth it.

[Cremolafoam]

I seem to have lost the power to use 's
Hmm

[motherinferior]

My grim fear is that the Dame In Charge - who has been utterly unconcerned so far bar one phone call in which she was profoundly useless ("are you talking to medical specialists" - er yes because that is what I do, and why I got this gig in the first place) will suddenly decide she wants it completely different. Even though she has made no comment at all on the overall plan, the sections sent through to date, my queries as to whether they were entirely happy with my plan for the section where she specifically wanted input, etc etc..

[CointreauVersial]

Stick to your guns, MI. If you don't ask, you won't get (and you can be sure it won't be offered).

Fingers crossed for the uni-bound DDs. That's too far in the distant future for me to worry about.

about the number of job applicants, Crem. Do you think they've heard about your schmoozing with Barack, and fancy a bit of the same?

Strops, I really feel for you. It must be so draining and worrying. It does sound as though you're taking the right approach, though. Keep Calm and Carry On.

Period still in full swing, and now I'm coming down with a cold. DD1 and I are competing for who sneezes the loudest. Kill me now.

[Blackduck]

I'm worrying about secondary school - university is miles off (deluded)
We have West Fest tomorrow - our answer to Glastonbury. We are singing, ds is singing and acting and we are all on litter pick. I predict sunburn on Sunday and a hangover (my trying not to drink fell spectacularly on its arse last night). At least it won't be a mud fest - roll on 4.00 today when the weekend begins :) :)

[beachyhead]

We had prom last night and I have five, maybe six sleepy teens upstairs . They burst home like a herd of baby elephants at 4.45am and I don't expect to see them again till this afternoon.

CV - I really think you should be doctoring for your massive period. You must be exhausted!

I'm so excited about the sun - might lay myself out on the grass and rotate like a chicken on a spit!