Why do I always make the wrong decisions at the hairdressers?

[JudithOfThePeace]

I hate my hair, which doesn't help. It's fine but frizzy/wavy. Brunette. Cow's lick at the front.

I go the hairdresser's or a mum from school comes to my house. I ask for a specific haircut - today shoulder length with layers - and they do exactly as I ask. And it always looks shit on me. I've had two children and after each one I had my hair cut into a bob. Both times it looked shit and mumsy. Fuck knows why I forgot that the first time and did it again after the second.

My hair was long enough this morning that I could do anything with it. And now it's mid length and layered and shite again. WHY?!

I'm so fed up of having crap hair. It always looks frumpy. Does anyone have any advice at all on how to have half-decent hair?!

[cerealqueen]

My advice is to never ever sit back and relax with a magazine and a coffee when there is a person wielding a pair of scissors near your head. Watch what they are doing. Occasionally get them to stop so you can, with your hand or a mirror, check they aren't cutting effing short useless layers into your hair despite you asking for no effing short layers.

I say this as somebody who has smiled and grinned at choppy layered cut thinking it looks lovely but how the hell will I style it, then got home and next morning cried with frustration and tied hair back and used multiple slides and grips to keep it in place till it grew again.

You have my sympathies. I agree with getting older stylish person with great hair to cut your hair - if you see anybody with hair like yours who looks great ask them where they have it cut.

[Chandon]

See, my fab hairdresser does not talk me into colouring my hair, as he says the natural colour is good, and I hardly have any grey, and best to focus on a good cut!

Sounds like there is no need for you to colour your hair.

You could also ask around, ask friends whose hair looks good who their hairdresser is, people like the compliment in the quetion.

The tricky thing is how not to upset your mumfriend, nightmare. Maybe buy yourself a voucher, then tell her you were gifted a voucher for a salon?....

[jamaisjedors]

I agree with the tips about the hairdressers.

My hairdresser (stumbled on by chance in my 20s) is male, my age (heading for 40) and runs the salon with his wife who is the same age but looks kind of topshop cool and quite edgy iyswim - and he does too.

He never gives me a mumsy cut (although because I don't go back often enough and am rubbish with a hairdryer it sometimes goes that way) and in fact, what I love about him is that I arrive, and he tells me what he thinks he should do, checks it's ok, and then does it.

He's the one who should know about the latest haircuts and what works with my hair, so I trust him, I don't have time for that kind of research!

good luck

[JudithOfThePeace]

Thanks so much everyone. Chandon, you're right, I need a plan.

Kara - I don't think I'm brave enough for a pixie cut!! How long is your hair now? Do you have pics for Monday?!

The consensus of opinion is that I need to look around for hairdressers. As it's currently a mum from school (sort of a friend of a friend - you know the sort of thing) this might be tricky but probably necessary.

How do I ensure my hair is in good condition? Anyone got any tips for colouring dark brown hair? I'm not sure on the colouring thing because I like my dark brown hair and I want to make the most of it before going grey. I'm 31 and only have 2 grey hairs (well, had - they went pronto!). My mum didn't start going grey until her 40s , so I'm hopeful I have some time left!!

[sazpops]

Definitely agree with younger stylists seeing you as old and giving you a mumsy cut. I finally got a good cut from a lovely 30 something male stylist, who didn't seem to think it odd that a 50 something woman wanted a funky short hairstyle. I did actually say to him that I didn't want 'old woman's hair' and he took that on board. Perhaps it's because men actually want women to look nice?

Trouble is, I've moved now and spent the last year trekking round salons again, getting the 'mumsy' - but last time I took a photo in to the middle-aged-ish stylist and was insistent that 'yes, I really do want it that short' and 'no I really don't want you to dry it with a brush and loads of mousse' and came out really pleased with the result.

[Chandon]

You need a plan.

How much can you afford on a haircut? Find an experienced hairdresser, call around salons, ask who is good with longer, fine hair ( for example).

Go to a traditional or posh salon, somewhere trendy will just give you the latest cool do without thinking if it suits you.

I love my hairdresser, as when I first came he asessed my hair, my face and even my height ( at 6ft a pixie do would make me look like a man), and explained what he thought would eb the mst flattering cut to suit me and my lifestyle ( no time for endless hair drying).

Now I know what a good hairdresser is like, I can never go back to some indifferent trainee.

There is a good haircut out there for everyone. For me, male hairdressers have always given me better (prettier, younger) cuts than female ones, but do not know enough hairdressers to say this is a rule of thumb.

[KaraStarbuckThrace]

Judith - I am at your OP, are you my long lost twin? Because that is exactly how I felt after my haircut just before Christmas! I have booked an appointment with my hair dresser for next Monday and I too am stressing about it. I have opted to go quite radical and go for a pixie cut, thinking it will be pretty low maintenance. My hair is similar to yours, I have the cow lick thing (which is fucking annoying as hell!) but my hair is fairly thick and frizzy.
Is this something you would consider?

[JumpHerWho]

Judith - I just have it one length and quite a low side parting. It's the colour and condition that makes it look good, and having healthy ends (which layers don't seem to help with). I think sometimes a 'hairstyle' can be quite a hassle and quite a grown up (ageing) idea, for mid length hair anyway. Like with make up I guess, the aim is to look young and naturally beautiful, and a fancy schmancy cut won't do that IMO. I also think most women look better with fairly long hair, and it's much harder to let it grow than get a 'youthful' 'fresh' 'fashionable' cut that will look crap the day after you walk out of the hairdresser. Focus on colour and condition because that is what will make your hair look good.

[CareerGirl01]

Mid-length doesn't have to be mumsy if you get it layered properly. Start with your face shape Agree with lifeistooshort about hairdressers making you want to go back. Good hairdresser will not do this.
If you can work out your face shape that will give you an idea of what suits you and may rule out other styles or whether you need a fringe.

[lifeistooshorttodrinkcheapwine]

a good hairdressers should be able to tell you whether your chosen style will be right for your hair. looks lifestyle etc They dont just blindly (No pun) give everyone the latest style.

I wonder whether you are going to the hairdressers with an idea of what you want and the hairdressers isn't giving you their honest opinion about it.

I might be a cynical old F**t, but I also think that hairdressers have this agenda to keep making you go back - to ensure they make money, to make you dependent on them by giving you styles that only they can manage (the mystique of hairdressing)

Try to find a good hairdresser, like people have said here.

Whereabouts do you live, Judith someone on here might be able to recommend one to you

[mariefrance1]

My hair only looks remotely passable if I have just washed it, blow dried it and then straightened it. I cannot wash and go. Sorry OP I think it's just effort that makes people's hair look good.

[HumphreyCobbler]

Find a better hairdresser - I suffered crap hair for years, and after getting some brilliant advice on here, went to a hairdresser of someone I knew who had excellent hair (think about it - whose hair looks good?) and had a consultation with her. I now have great hair too. I am really happy when I notice it, but I don't actually think about it any more as I am not constantly fiddling with it trying to make it look nice.

[MechanicalTheatre]

Yes, layers are shit. Hairdressers are obsessed with them.

[JudithOfThePeace]

Thanks so much everyone. Lots of food for thought.

JumpHerWho - what style is your hair then?

I'm going to grow out these silly layers, for a start. I think I might consider highlights, too. I don't want to go short, so will bear with the shitty growing phase and go for longer, but maybe simpler.

If anyone wants to link to nice hairstyles,please feel fee!

[thehairybabysmum]

I think you need o go short....it is v hard for mid length not to look mumsy!

[NotAnotherPackedLunch]

After years of ok followed by hardcore mumsy haircuts I have come to the conclusion that I get the best cuts from women my age or older who are not going to be seen dead aging gracefully. Younger hairdressers see me as middle aged and give me what they think is an appropriate (and shit) haircut.
I now actively seek out middle aged hairdressers who dress in young clothes and am usually pleased with the results.

[JumpHerWho]

I have similar hair to you I think - fine mousy and frizzy. I have it highlighted a v light blonde and ghD the shit out of it. Looks ace, swishy and lovely if I leave it to dry naturally or even just blow dry without straightening, it looks puffy wavy and crap. But do consider highlights.

Also coconut oil, it seems to make my hair feel thicker when I use it as a conditioner.

[carlywurly]

Oh, me too. I feel your pain. I need to learn to say no to hairdressers. Layers don't work for me due to my inability to be arsed to blow dry my hair every morning. Consequently my hair just looks thin and sticks out at weird angles. Straighteners seem to frazzle it and make the issue worse.

Last time I took a very clear picture of Fearne Cotton with her long bob into the hairdresser. I still ended up with the Rachel. I have had the Rachel for most of my adult life. Sob.

[Chottie]

Loads of sympathy from me too. I am not good with my hair either. I have an older middle age mum style....... It looks ok at the hairdressers, but it looks awful when I try to style it.

[Spookey80]

I seem to have the same thing, every time I en up getting layers put into my md length hair, them jut te t up because it looks crap.
I have now decided that the thing for me is to have good condition hair cut very simply, so minimal layers and good condition regular cut. I will then use my clothes and makeup to try and make me look up to date! ...that's the plan anyway?!

[JudithOfThePeace]

Have big-haired it. We are definitely in 'Rachel' territory. My teenage self is actually quite pleased. My adult self, not so much. I thought it was worth a shot.

Will have a look for the Elnett stuff, thanks.

But where do I look for styles that I might like?! How do I learn what suits me? Silly questions, I know, but when I google, I get loads of pics of 'hairdresser' shots where the models are styled in such a way you can't tell what the hair really looks like.

Thanks again for all replies.

[MechanicalTheatre]

I hear you. My hairdresser gave me a Jennifer Anisto circa 1995 last time too. AND blow dried it all flicky out. I scowled. Hard.

It looks fine when I straighten it and stuff. But I just can't be arsed 9 times out of 10.

[CareerGirl01]

For now Buy some straightners and some Elnett smooth heat styling spray. And let it grow. Keep a look out for styles you like.

[JudithOfThePeace]

Thanks all.

I do look at pictures but I don't honestly know of the cuts I choose suit my face or hair. I find it very difficult.

Today it looks very flat - funnily enough, I do own the Babyliss Big Hair and I do quite like it, although I haven't mastered it sufficiently to do it very quickly. However, I have a strong suspicion that the best I could hope for with this cut is Jennifer Anniston c.1995.

I have no idea how to work out what does suit me, though!

Oh, and it's nice to hear I'm not alone. I mean, I'm sorry you don't like your hair but you know what I mean!

[niceupthedance]

I have the same problem. Long hair looks shit. Short hair looks shit. My hairdresser (who is about 20) keeps trying to give me what I think is a middle-aged mum cut - then I realise, I am a middle-aged mum.