Apparently I look 10 years older than I am...

[tenyearsolder]

Tonight at work I was mistaken for being 50, I am just short of 40. To say I am gutted is a major understatement. I am aware that I look very tired and have not looked after myself particularly well over the years but 50? Come on...

By way of an excuse, I have suffered a major bereavement, prolonged stress, health problems (including lupus which has hammered my skin)and live an outdoorsy lifestyle. I know I can't expect to be Lily Cole after all of the above but I was once reasonably attractive and am so sad to think that people think I'm so much older than I actually am.

Any tips on how to regain some of my youthful glow very kindly recieved.

P.S. I'm not averse to more serious interventions if you think they'd help...

OP I agree with all the above. I'm 40 and left an abusive relationship last year and my stress levels have plummeted. People I haven't seen for a year or so often literally do a double take when they see me now. Nothing radically different - hair cut and dyed properly but not that much of a change and I spend a grand total of five minutes on my make-up every day.

Stress makes you look like shit and it sounds like you've had loads going on. So the things like diet, make-up, clothes and haircut all work, partly/largely because you are spending time on and valuing yourself.

havingkittens really useful advice, thank you. I shall see about getting a make-up consultation booked. My main block is that those women on the counters all seem a bit scary and they can also only recommend their own brands. I'm in Bristol, where would you recommend - there's a big John Lewis near me?

Also what's an illuminating moisturiser?

There is a MAC in Debenhams in Bristol, why not try there? Although they can only recommend their own products you don't have to buy everything they use. You can just spend the redeemable amount or thereabouts and just get some ideas from the session. Other brands will do their own equivalents of colours they have shown you. Their Naked Lunch eyeshadow is a perfect example of the peach I mentioned. It's very neutral and can be used with lots of other shades. As someone else mentioned, purples and plums look fabulous on green eyes and really make the colour pop. You could try something like Haux (another MAC eyeshadow) with it just in and above the socket with a soft brush. They will show you in the shop how to do it. If you don't have time for a full session go in when it's quiet - monday's are generally good - and just ask for some advice. Don't be scared of them. They have to wear full on make up as part of their job but it doesn't mean they will try to do the same to you. They are trained to assess the needs of individual customers.

My friend swears blind by a few microdermabrasion sessions for badly scarred skin through acne etc. Her daughter had it after severe acne sacarring and it worked a treat. Expensive but permanent. Are you able to do that with the history of lupus?

As others have said, I would try not to take the comment of one individual too much to heart... easier said than done though, I am sure.

People generally assume that I am mid to late 20s... I am actually 34 . So I was thinking about why this might be...

I am petite - 5ft and a size 8-10. I think maintaining a healthy weight does hold back the years.

I have a simple short bob hair cut. Easy to maintain, looks healthy and again gives an air of youth.

I try to wear clothes that flatter me rather than what is in fashion. I stick to classic items - well cut jeans, white shirt, jumpers, jersey dresses. Have a look at Boden, White Stuff, Gap, Warehouse etc... for ideas

I used to spend a lot of money on Clinique skin care but I have had to tighten my belt. I now use the Simple anti wrinkle / age resist range - foaming face wash, toner and day / night cream. I also use an exfoliator scrub twice weekly.

I keep my nails short and clean and use a clear varnish. Day time make up is minimal - clinique face powder with a little blush and lip gloss.

I recently joined a gym and swim 3 times a week. I try to drink plenty of water. I am by no means a health freak but I don't smoke, drink rarely and try to eat at least 2 pieces of fruit daily with 3 other healthy meals.

Don't let the comment of one knock you - good luck

Thank you all for your suggestions ladies, I have read them all and am taking notes and action too!

I have booked myself in for a cut and colour next week (I've not been for almost 12 months). I have also bought a whole load of Liz Earl stuff off QVC(I did it after drowning my sorrows on Friday whilst posting on here).

I have previously has laser treatment for my facial scarring on the NHS but didn't follow it up as I found the aftermath and bruising hard to deal with but I have vowed to ring tomorrow and see if I can be seen again. I know the results will be worth it if I can just cope with a few weeks of looking like I've been in an RTA! I did also have a few sessions of crystal clear years ago but I'm not sure if that would be good now if I have the laser again.

You have made me think hard about just how little time I spend on my appearance. I often leave the house without looking in a mirror and would not wear any make up from month to month.

I have two jobs, one with horses who don't care what I look like and I love them all the more for that and my other job requires me to wear theatre scrubs, cap, gown and zero make up so daily I would just need to be taking really good care without putting anything other than moisturiser etc on but I really need to revamp my makup bag as I have things in there older than my children (the youngest is 10. My beauty regime is currently a packet of pound shop facial wipes and some random moisturiser that was in the sale bucket at the chemist for a pound so I really can't expect the radiant complexion of a teenager can I?!

My teeth are probably one of my better features at the moment as they are in good shape and when I had a veneer put on the dentist commented on how white they were.

I think what really got to me re. the commnet is that the woman who made it is 50 herself so I couldn't even pretend to myself that she was a daft teenager who didn't have a clue. Perhaps she's done me a favour though? This might just be the kick up the arse I need to start takng better care of myself.

Thanks again and sorry for the ramble.

watsthestory, I would love to have someone like you to give me skin care tips so keep your eyes peeled, I might need to track you down onece I've seen my dermatologist again to discuss what I can/can't do/use.

"I think what really got to me re. the commnet is that the woman who made it is 50 herself so I couldn't even pretend to myself that she was a daft teenager who didn't have a clue" - in that case perhaps she was deliberately being catty. Some people do this!

Hi there, as well as Mac, look at Bobbi Brown. And a really good tinted/illuminating moisturiser is ByTerry. You can get that in Space NK or Sephora. Bobbi Brown is in John Lewis.

And I agree about the teeth whitening, and a very good haircut/colour.

hmc is right. Women can be so nasty to other women. Often is it about their own insecurities and jealousy.

Yep, recently a school mum 'friend' (in my group of friends - she is okay, but not entirely my cup of Earl Grey) expressed extreme almost theatrical suprise that she is the same age as me, apparently she thought I was older.

Now I am no Kylie ( albeit similar age) but an objective survey would conclude that if anyone looks the younger of the two of us, it is most certainly me (no grey, few lines, even skin tone...)

I have taken to saying I am ten yrs older than I am just to see the look of shock/jealousy

Yes, ggirl, that's a good one - I do that sometimes. I'm 53! Yes! Really! and so on.

Lol - might do the same!

tenyearsolder the work clue helps. I'm guessing you're a nurse/doctor/physiologist. I work for the NHS and have worked in hospitals for much of my time. They are really unhealthy places to work plus have really unflattering strip lighting!

One of the biggest problems for me was how hot they are as most people are in their jimjams. It's really dehydrating and if you're on the shop floor, you are rarely allowed a drink on hand because of infection control. I also used to get really hungry as you tend to be on your feet a lot and do lots of walking down hospital corridors. I always had a range of snacks in my drawer and bag, especially nuts and energy bars.

I always carried a litre bottle with me and drank on average three litres of water a day plus tea. However, you do have the perfect excuse to always wear comfortable shoes. Facial oil might also help, I'm sure others here can advise but I'm currently using this works facial oil. It costs £35 but I got it for £8 on eBay.

I am about to switch back to hospital-based work (including in theatres) so will watch for hints!

havingkittens thanks for that, I work opposite Debenhams so will nip in and make an appointment

Just posting so I can nab some of the tips on here. I like the sound of the Dior lip balm. I tried a Vie at Home one that is supposed to react with your skin's PH, but it was far too bright and unnatural looking on me.

I love their tinted moisturiser though as I find foundation to heavy and ageing for my skin. I am nearly 52 BTW.

Oh, I posted in a hurry just before I rushed out the door so forgot to answer the question about illuminating moisturiser. It's basically a moisturiser with light reflecting particles in it so it gives the skin a bit of a pick me up glow which is great if you are looking flat or tired. Of course, these make up tips are all quick fixes. I do second the comments about improving your skincare firstly.

Microdermabrasion is great for skin brightening and evening out of pigment etc, as well as making what other skincare you use much more efficient as it's not all sucked up by dead skin cells. If you do have this, or any laser resurfacing treatments then you absolutely MUST use a high SPF cream as this will make your skin very photosensitive and prone to more damage. The Clarins one is supposed to be good, I am currently using Clinique Super City Block SPF40 which is not too oily. Also Biotherm do a nice one which is not too heavy.

You should also exfoliate daily, but very gently. Not those harsh gritty scrubs which can actually damage skin quite badly. Dermalogica's Daily Microfoliant is really nice. It's quite pricey but a little goes a very long way.

Sweaty exercise, loads of fresh vegetables, good hairdresser, laughing, being confident and having a positive mental attitude works for me!!

I've been using oil of Ulay, then Oilay spf15 for years, literally, about 17 years. But I wonder if it has adequate UVA protection. I only discovered recently that sometimes they claim to be spf15 but that is only from UVB rays. That's no good at all. If you were in danger of burning you'd have been wearing proper sun screen. I thought I was being clever all these years wearing spf, but .......... it mgiht not even have had uvA

argh

I swear by Clinique City Block SPF 40 or 25. Used it for over 15 years every day and recently someone thought I was at least 10 yrs younger than I am. (I am 55 and am often taken for early 40s.)

sweating helps, somehow. It`s a detox really of your body!

I go to sauna twice a week after exercise. When I just get out of it, I look awful and flushed, but the rest of the day have a rosy glow.

A friend asked if I had a new brand of make-up and wanted to know what it was. I wasn`t wearing any, it is all down to regular exercise, drinking enough liquid, eating normal healthy food (ie not just salads, but meat and 2 veg type meals)and for me I think Sauna or steam room twice a week is GREAT for skin, if you are lucky enough to have a cheapo one nearby that is (I have to travel 20 mins to get to mine, but worth it).

I think lifestyle is more important for looks than lotions and potions.

I agree that lifstyle is more important- good skin comes from within mostly.

usual advice:

keep out of sun and use sunblock 365 days year
don't smoke
limit alocohol- really dries out skin
limit caffeine
don't eat too much sugar
get your 5 a day at least
exercise so you sweat every day if possible
keep your weight down- plumpness/obesity is possibly the most ageing thing there is.

After this, get a decent haircut which is fashionable though not super trendy, don't dress "old" and wear subtle, natural make up.

If sweating makes you youthful I shouldn't be in this state at all! I sweat my nuts off for 2 or 3 hours mucking out stables and being hauled around by unruly horses 5 days a week!

Hair cut tomorrow and going to GP on Friday to get referral back to the laser clinic. Wheels in motion...