Forgive me if this isn't the right board, as it's not strictly directly about the skids, but more about their impossible mother.
When she & DP split up, she moved back to her home town - 140 miles from their dad. She could have stayed here had she thought maintaining relationship between skids & their dad important enough, money wasn't an issue then, and she had a very well paid job, but, wanted to go back where there was "more support" (dismissing DP of course). At the time, she promised that the distance wouldn't be too much of an issue as she would continue to facilitate contact etc. by meeting DP halfway ... and this is how it was, largely, though in retrospect, DP often drove all the way up there to see kids anyway ... on premise of mummy & daddy staying friends for the kids' sake and spending a "normal" weekend together (nothing of course to do with saving her any effort or him paying for the weekend's entertainment ...)
Anyhow, as I've explained recently, BM went ballistic - totally doolally & evil - when DP met me 2.5 yrs after their split. Ever since then, amongst other problems, she has messed about with communication and contact, culminating so that in the last 2.5 yrs (we've been together 4) she's refused to meet DP at all for contact handovers. He has had a catalogue of stupid, ridiculous and contemptuous excuses ranging from the obvious "I don't want to" to "I'm doing my hoovering" or "I'm tired". The car has also been blamed, yet she will be driving it elsewhere the same weekend, likewise, she has cited inaffordability as a reason, yet refuses petrol money ( we couldn't afford to offer this regularly but DP tried to call her bluff) .... so, the only genuine reasons are spite, laziness, power, control, awkwardness and selfishness.
To put this into perspective, BM works locally 16 hrs a week, finishing at 1. DP leaves at 6.30am every morning, gets home just before 8 every evening so is shattered by the time he has to get his kids on a Fri evening. The return journey is anywhere between 4.5 to 5.5 hours depending on traffic, so means that kids get back here and into bed about midnight. When this has been pointed out to BM - i.e. the adverse effect on skids of getting in so late and the fact they're being driven by a tired driver, her reply is "get them on Saturday then". This option of course, effectively cuts down DP's contact time with them, doesn't make him any less tired as he'd get up very early Sat, nor does it address the moral issue of him having to make all the effort and bear all the expense despite her moving.
Strictly speaking as she moved, I feel she should bl**dy well drive the skids to their dad's and collect them, but DP being more resaonably minded is prepared to meet halfway. That'd mean, on average, a 2.5 hour drive for each of them. Alternatively, given she is free in the afternoon, she could drive them down, and he would drive them back. BM refuses to consider this period. DP estimates that the cost of doing the extra driving amounts to about £60 amonth, plus wear and tear .... he does 12000 miles a year just to see his kids before any other mileage anywhere else at all. Hence his car is depreceating far more quickly than it should to boot.
My heart is in my mouth when he sets off to get/return the skids as he's so often "unfit" to drive. Every fortnight DP goes through this charade where he asks BM if she's meeting him ..... he knows what the answer is going to be, but refuses not to ask, because that would indicate that he is accepting of, or condoning her actions. Well, I shouldn't be surprised but this weekend has taken the biscuit and shown her up for what a completely callous bitch she really is .....
.... DP had already fetched skid2 but prior to taking her home yesterday texted ('cos BM won't answer her phone to him) to say that would she please meet him as he felt extremely tired and was worried about a long motorway trip. DP, though he is always tired due to his huge long commute, has never stressed this quite as much before as he did yesterday. Her reply ? ..... "you should have thought of that before taking skid2" !!!!!! ..... WTF ??? .... DP repeated (still by text) he was very worried. BM said "you shouldn't have taken her then". Eventually DP did by some miracle actually speak to her and she still refused to meet halfway, quarter way or indeed 100 yards down the road, she told DP to bring her back "later", or this morning. When DP said he couldn't do that as he had to go to work, BM said "not my problem" .... DP asked her "so, you're happy for me to drive our daughter in this state then ?" and BM hung up.
So - DP had, as usual, no choice .... yet on this particular occasion, BM had been forewarned he was dreading the drive, and still chose not to help, i.e. preferring to place her daughter at risk, rather than "do DP a favour" (as she'd see it). I AM LIVID - beyond livid with this vile woman .... how can any self appointed "wonderful mother" (she thinks she's Saint Mummy) happily sit back and see one of her children in a potentially dangerous position. DP was in an awful quandry about what to do, but, couldn't take today off at short notice, nor could he have had skid2 back in time for school today unless he'd left at 4 in the blinking morning .... great idea for someone tired.
Excuse my french, but what an absolute f**king bitch !
Am I wrong to feel so mad about this ? More to the point has anyone else been through, or is going through something similar ? What can we do ? All attempts to speak reasonably to her fall on deaf ears - she is an expert door slammer and phone hanger-upper. She will not be swayed by any argument that late bedtimes aren't right for children so young, nor does she care if the skid's contact with their dad is affected/cut short because of long journeys. As for the time & effort DP expends, she revels in that .... "tough, you want to see them, you get them" is her attitude.
It is all so totally wrong .. certainly morally, & especially given the background to the distance concerned. I also wonder if it's legally wrong too ? .... I was under the impression that it's the responsibility of a "parent with care" to facilitate - i.e. do nothing to obstruct - contact with the absent parent & the kids ? .... though obviously, I'm well aware that "possession" being "9/10 of the law" makes it easy for bitches like her to wreak havoc should they wish.
I am sick of us having to pay - literally and emotionally - for her selfish decisions. She may be happy to be totally selfish and place her children, through her non co-operation, in a undesirable/dangerous situation, but I am not at all happy at the thought of DP having an accident through being forced to make a long drive in all weathers, and our baby being left fatherless.
Yesterday just said it all .... whatever DP said, whatever worries he expressed, the evil B just blanked him.
Does anyone have any suggestions ? .... bearing in mind that letters and conversation is not going to work. Does anyone know if a parent with care can be ordered to meet the absent parent in the circumstances I've described ? Could this form part of a contact order for example ? I do appreciate that contact orders can be hard to enforce, but I think legal recognition of what she's doing as being totally wrong would be a good start.
Thanks for reading .... will be interested to hear anyone else's thoughts and/or suggestions.