CSA assessments and the 2nd family

[kittykat77]

This is my first time posting in this section, but we are at a bit of a loss on what to do now.

Brief history - DH has 1 child with ex, separated 7 yrs ago (before we got together!). Since then DH has always paid his way, and paid way over the top when they got divorced to keep ex happy, so she could keep the house ect.

We have had 2 kids of our own since, and have been paying £200 for the last couple of years. SHe has now gone to CSA, and looking at their website, payments could be as much as £275 per month, based on DH's earnings. We have high living costs,high costs when he does see his son(which is not often due to big problems with access) and also debts which were due to his ex when they split up.

Basically we can only just survive at the moment,and if the CSA demand more money it could mean that we will lose our home. Does anybody have any experience of how sympathetic the CSA are to the 2nd family in cases like these and whether they are likely to take into account our full financial situation, and also the needs of our 2 new children?

[kittykat77]

Paulie & juas, sorry to hear about your problems with CSA.

Yes their system is completely crap. I have to admit that when our MP got involved they did seem to look at our case a bit more, but in the end the outcome was still that 'that is what the system says so tough'.

We have 2 other children in our family, but basically it seems that the whole system does not even care if they are out on the streets as we can't pay our mortgage, just so long as DH's ex gets her money, which in my opinion is way more than what she needs to keep DSS anyway. THe fact that we have just learnt that they are all going on a very expensive long foreign holiday next year just makes my blood boil!!

So unfortunately can't report that we got very far, but think something definately needs to change in this ridiculous system that is the CSA.

[dadaz]

Maybe not JUST "Other Mothers" shouldn't that have been parents?

Guilty of generalisation much?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Another old thread in step parwnting resurrected by dadaz.

[Petal02]

To: ihatethecsa

Just wanted to say that I applaud you, because the CSA don?t always get it right. Our situation is slightly different to yours, but the principle is the same.

When I met my husband, he paid £450 per month to his ex, for two children (one child is now at uni, so he now only pays for one, and the payments have reduced). We could afford this amount, and were happy to pay it. We also buy extra things for SS, as his mother clearly doesn?t spend the maintenance payments on him, ie she has a pedigree dog, but he?s never got enough school shirts or decent shoes.

However - the background to this is interesting. DH is a builder, he works for himself, employs a couple of guys, and makes a decent living. The CSA wanted a fixed percentage of his income (can?t remember what it was) which would have meant he was paying an insane amount per month to his ex, far in excess of what you?d expect to pay towards two children.

Obviously DH wanted to do the best by his kids, but realised (a) the CSA amount was crazy; and (b) his ex was unlikely to spend it on the children, and time has proved him correct.

So his accountant did something creative with the books, and produced figures which resulted in a CSA calculation of £450 per month. The ex was apparently going purple with rage because she knew he?d cooked the books, but couldn?t prove it (of course builders never do cash jobs ha ha ha ?? ) and in the end she didn?t go through the CSA, they agreed via solicitors on £450 per month, simply because on the figures the accountant produced, the CSA couldn?t generate a larger claim.

But you hear of ridiculous stories where the second families are penalised as per the OP ? and I agree completely that the CSA don?t always get it right.

[lovemyalfa]

wow some of you must be so proud of how you've conned the ex out of maintenance for their children! My XH must have been reading the thread because he 'cooked the books' to get an assessment of £5 per week for our DS and doesn't even bother to pay that. It's not as if he's ever paid anything and I went to the CSA in desperation hoping they would help but he just lies and lies.
His 2nd family is not penalised at all, they live in a big house and have nice holidays whilst they think it's OK to lie so they don't have to contribute to DS welfare. Nice folk!
My DS has no contact with his father even though he lives 5 miles away, partly because he realises how little his welfare means to his so-called father. If you genuinely care about your child you will suck it up and help to pay for them, not play the system.

[Abip]

Hi OP.

I really feel for you. My partner has to pay his exw substantial amount for their 16 year old.

She left and took one son with her. She left the other son with my dp. She swore she would not go to the csa. As soon as the dss living with us turned 18 she went to csa and refused to answer our calls.

Her dp earns over 100k per year as a doctor.

My exh now does not pay for our children. He chose to get married then stopped paying as their wedding cost so much. He has now become a house husband and she works calculating the children NOTHING.


My advice. How about dp becoming a house husband and you work full - time?

The system is so wrong. Dp and I struggle financially to the point where we have considered splitting up. His exw has done this purely out of spite.

She left him as she didnt want him. But it appears women can have the attitude that they dont want them and no one else can have them. They also want to take the ex's to the cleaners??? She does not even need the f*G money!!! Their having their third holiday this year to the caribbean.

Great system CSA

[Petal02]

MJ, I hadn't noticed this was an old thread - well spotted.

Regarding your earlier post, you're right - I don't think any of us would wish to see our husbands/partners shirk their financial responsibilities to their children. My husband was happy to pay, he paid a generous amount, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I am slightly wary of the CSA, simply because their methods of calculation can be very strange, and you hear of many cases where the second family is almost on the breadline because of the amount due to the first family.

[BlueCollie]

KK - we are in a similar situation as you and my DH can not afford to see his daughter as often as he likes because we don't have £300 spare a month to do so. Unfortunately with the £400 that goes out for CSA and the cow's car repayments we have nothing left and before anyone starts banging on about how important it is for fathers to see thier kids I KNOW however, my son needs a roof over his head, our electricity and gas need to be paid. Our house and council tax isn't paid for by the state like her's is and so she never needs to worry about not meeting a mortgage payment!!! I get really sick and tired of people going on and looking at me like I am harsh for saying we can't afford for DH to visit his daughter more. We are over £15000 in debt due to solicitors fees and court costs fighting for the piddly bit of access we have and faced with a very obstructive nasty woman who is not at all willing to do anything to ensure contact is facilitated between parent and child.
And for those that say they would rather go without so that a parent sees their child we do go without already and my son goes without. I do not drive my car unless absolutely necessary, I don't get my haircut, I don't buy clothes, I don't go out, I don't have any goodies in the house ....oh no I bought some cadbury's cream eggs as they were on special at £1.50!! My son's clothes mainly come from other people and he didn't get any christmas presents from us. I turn down every invite to go places with friends with kids because we don't have any money. All this while that woman has her eyes lasered, goes out, buys new clothes and her child is taken to the theatre, cinema, play centres, art classes so on and so on. So unfortunately yes my DH won't be seeing his daughter more than once this year but unfortunately unless we all stop eating food there isn't any money left for him to visit his daughter. My son goes without and unfortunately so must his daughter.

[BlueCollie]

Sorry just realised that it is old thread...oops!!!

[Petal02]

Bluecollie - it seems wrong that your DP has to pay £400 to his ex for one child, when such a payment leaves you almost unable to live.

[BlueCollie]

I know tell me about it. He pays £281 in CSA and the rest is a loan taken out to pay for her car that she insisted he did when they split. She played the blackmail card and because he is a kind, caring father he bought a car so his daughter wasn't without transport (don't ask!) the ex refuses to drive to airports in it though to drop daughter off or pick up. Says she can't afford it but drives around all over the place other times and also jets off down to Southern Ireland when she feels like it too.