What is it with the clothes thing?

[pleaseletmesleep]

Ok, so am a bit of a lurker but I have noticed a bit of a running theme on the step parenting boards that I though only applied to us. What is it with dscs mums sending them in innapropriate clothing??!! It seems to be such a common theme. We used to get a bag packed by dsd's mum with stuff for the weekend and it constantly contained clothes that were dirty, too small, innapropriate for the season etc. We would always buy new clothes for dsd but they were usually unpicked at the seams and taken back to the shop by dsds mum who would then tell us that they didn't fit, despite us buying them the week before. We now have a wardrobe for dsd here but it seems such a shame that we can't send her clothes back with her as we can't trust her dm to send them back. What is it with this control via clothing - does anyone have an answer apart from having two seperate wardrobes?

DH and I regularly buy the 2 youngest DSC new clothes. This is primarily because they were coming to us once a month with one change of clothes each for the whole weekend or clothes that didn't fit them anymore, no change of underwear or socks, no toothbrushes etc.

We took them to Florida for 2 weeks last year and because we were paying for the entire holiday their mother said (without being asked) that she would buy them some new clothes. When they came to us, they had one Asda carrier bag between the two of them full of stuff that didn't even fit them anymore. The DSC didn't even want to take them with them and left them at ours. We ended up getting to Florida and spending nearly £200 on new clothes for them for the entire holiday. Now I dont mind this and I dont begrudge the children anything at all, but we haven't seen the majority of those clothes since!

DSC mother is quick enough to email DH quite regularly and tell him he has to buy new clothes, school uniforms, shoes etc. for the kids as she cant afford it, but I resent her doing this if we never see the clothes again. That is, in my opinion, wrong!

it has to be about control and nothing else. we just about have it sorted now after 10 years but sometimes i have to call and get some stuff sent back as we 'export' clothes (they arrive on a friday in school uni and go back in normal stuff). We have stuff at both houses and buy special stuff for occasions and sometimes i get fed up about getting a special outfuit that i only get to see them in once! it goes with the territory tho
but what about the scent marking animal stuff? i hate the smell of my 2 dsc when they come back after say a weeks holiday with their mum. takes ages to get them smelling right - i never realised how primordial it all was - we clearly still scent mark everything!tho with the teenager now it'd be amazing to smell her and not the multiple perfumes she od's on

Us too....if we were lucky enough to get a bag packed for them at all for their 10 days with us in the in the summer holidays it seriously would consist of wooly jumpers, odd socks, dirty, old, ripped, stained, too small tops/bottoms & 6 swimming costumes all age 5 for a 9yo girl..Oh and NO knickers at all!

I don't like my DH's ex's taste in clothes -I admit that - but as long as they are clean and tidy (& fit or thereabouts) I completely accept that we have VERY different tastes and it is how it is - I would never buy replacements because I don't like her choices! Her kids, her choice.

Only reason we buy clothes is because otherwise on a scorching sunny day, DSD's will be in too small jeans that don't do up, no knickers and a wooly jumper.

Opposite in the winter by the way, the coats and jumpers disappear off the face of the planet and we have shorts/crops/vests and ballet pumps (all too small/stained/ripped etc)in the rain/wind/snow!!

Oh, NEVER see what we have bought again either - the only times we have it has been a short while later and the item is stained/button missing/ripped...

*MistressMiggins - that is just really rude frankly! Even if your ex doesn't have time to wash and dry everything - and it can be difficult if you just have the weekend and don't have a tumble dryer but we used to sometimes send back 2 bags - one of washed and dried stuff and one of washed but still damp stuff that just needed to be hung to finish off drying.

Oh well, it really does seem it is not just us then? I confess I don't share dsds mums taste in clothes but mainly because I don't think the word 'Gorgeous' has any place scrawled in glittery hot pink writing across a 4 year olds bottom!

Well I guess the 2 seperate wardrobes thing will have to continue - it does work for us, just as I saidit seems a shame for dsd that she has clothes here she has chosen and really likes that she only gets to wear 3 days a fortnight. It must be very annoying to think - I have a top that will go really well with those trousers but never the two shall meet

My dc's have seperate clothes bought by and kept at their fathers house which to be honest saves me the hassle of having to pack a bag for them. They do however, have to get changed back into whatever I have sent them in, just before being brought home. I find this rather bizarre but I obviously can't be trusted to wash these clothes and return them next time dc's go there, so I just let them carry on and get on with it.

I wonder though if DC's will find this acceptable when they are teenagers?

my step kids are teenagers and deal with it fine.. but their mum demands that 'her' clothes are returned... so if the kids go bsck in something else then 'her' clothes need to be returned in a bag...

Forget the step parent part. My X recently bought DS a jacket for summer. But she always made him take it off when she dropped him off here or if I picked him up. So fair enough I bought some new jackets too (I mean he needed some given our wonderful weather). Once he started to wear those a few times, then suddenly the other jacket managed to find itself not coming off if it came here. Doesn't bother me - these things don't last a year in the size department! (And summer even less).

you know, i thought we were the only ones with this problem - DSD (11) came in awful clothes for years. we bought her new stuff, which was never seen again, until one day it ALL arrived back with us in 2 big black bin liners and instructions that she is not allowed to ever bring back any clothes from us ever again. we're talking normal clothes here, nothing inappropriate or too grown up

i mean WTF? she now almost has a meltdown at the thought of going home in a pair of socks or even knickers she wasn't wearing when she arrived

i personally think it's all part of a grander scheme to alienate her from us bit by bit. i presume once she hits her teenage years she'll make her own rules a bit more - until then i just laugh about it and call it border patrol when she goes back home...

Sorry but La Senza underwear is not comparable to playboy pyjamas.

I too would bin playboy pyjamas because I would be horrified that my lovely DD was wearing an emblem of a porn empire - disgusting. La Senza underwear is just underwear. Playboy represents porn. Yuk. It's not just a question of not liking it, I'd be very angry that my DD was being dressed in it. Livid in fact.

LOL at border patrol...

We call it supermarket sweep in our house....

we used to get this a fair bit. to be to his ex I don't think she meant it maliciously, just think she couldn't get herself sorted.

The girls always come in clean clothes, nice and fresh however what does bug me is that she never seems to send coats with them, if its nice one day its not going to be nice the next, especially in this weather.

to be honest its not worth sweating about infuriating sometimes though it is, it is a power struggle although to me it would be a pride thing.

dp ex told me once that she tries to send them in nice clothes so he can see she is doing alright (although she split with him in the first place)I must admit this is how I feel. My kids go to thier dads in nice stuff, I did lapse once and forgot to send a pair of socks and I also sent a pair of pj's with a couple of buttons missing. ex and his gf sat at his mums house (where he had access) and proceeded to slag me off, call me a shit mum and said I couldn't look after the dc properly all over a pair of pyjamas!

dp now keeps stuff at his house which to be honest I feel a bit offended about or I did, almost as if I can't be trusted to clothe my kids properly as the clothes aren't good enough.

But then we keep pj's at our house for the girls which dp ex admitted made things easier for her.

still with me? lol