newborn, mild PND and teen DSD moving to live with us - help

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I’m a FTM with a 2 month old. I’ve recently been diagnosed with mild PND. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy as such and I’ve bonded with my LO amazingly but I do find I’m struggling a lot some days and find everything extremely overwhelming and often leads to irritability or anger or crying. I am professionally getting the help I need from that end.

Recently it has been decided my teenage DSD will be moving many miles to live with her dad (my DH), me and her sibling. She’s been out of school for a couple of years due to bullying so it’s going to be a huge transition and extremely tough for her too. We really do think this is the best thing for her at the moment rather than continuing to be out of education and are ready to deal with everything it will come with.

I just feel completely lost in myself, my role has one big change and is about to have another and I know you often don’t feel yourself after a baby but I feel like everything has flipped into a new world. Nothing I’m ungrateful for - I’m just having moments are pure panic of how things will be going forward and whether I’ll be good enough for everyone involved. I’m terrified if I’m truly honest.
Just wanted advice or tips for anyone who may have been though anything similar. Or just to help prepare myself for the challenge of a lifetime?

Fall out between friends got nasty, not great group of friends to begin with (all friends families have family issues and social services involved), refused to go. School said will place her in classes with different people in the new year but ended up in a class with one of the main girls she had an issue with. From then refused to go and DM took her out.

OP - you do not need to express it verbally but any atmosphere she will pick up on.
The advice about sitting her down and having a discussion is well placed, so you can explain you are finding her sibling stressful and her helping out would be good. Also you and her Dad understand what she is scared about and work as a unit all 4 of you to everyone adjusting.

Teens pick up on all sorts and being open and honest about your stresses with her has to part of that and careful language.

It sounds to me like a case of EBSNA (emotionally based school non-attendance), and I would put money on the fact that she simply won’t want to go to this new school either.

Where is your DH in all this - literally? Does he have some extended leave from work planned?

Congratulations on your new baby and I hope you continue to feel better 💐

@limetree this is also a big concern and if she does not where do we go from there?

We have our first meetings with the prospective schools next week so won’t have any real idea on start date etc until then. So for now nothing has been put in place but we are not in a financial position with me being on maternity leave for him to take any time off work as it would have to be unpaid.

Thank you!

This is what I was getting out. A new school is not solving this issue.

What hours does he do? Schools are normally quite good at organising things this important around parents. They’re often there 7-7 anyway poor things!

as every one has alluded to all along op, do not take everything on!!

So the plan is for you to take her with a 2 month old baby alongside, rather than her actual father?

I was thinking if she refuses to go to this school it’s going to be you at home dealing with two kids as dad will be working !

Firstly congratulations on your baby OP and I hope you’re doing ok with the PND, it’s tough so be kind to yourself

my situation isn’t the same as yours but I do have a teenage daughter who’s no contact with her dad, and my partner and I had a baby 3 months ago. It absolutely could have been a recipe for disaster but we’re all doing well

one thing I cannot stress enough is communication, we communicate the shit out of everything and everyone has an equal voice. Maybe start on the right foot by asking her over dinner what her expectations are of her new school, how is she feeling etc. reassure her that you’re all in this together and want her to be happy. I don’t think it’ll be all smooth sailing but what household with a new baby is??

good luck and from a mum who’s daughter has an awful step mum, you’ll be great

But don’t forget your ex allowed your DD’s stepmom to be awful. Men get away with so much shit and always automatically blame the woman ! I don’t doubt she isn’t nice, my own dad’s partner is a narcissistic piece of work but I have to tell myself my dad lets her get away with it by being weak.

You will be the one that’s left home educating as well as managing your baby is the usual script.
If that’s not what you want, you need to be crystal clear on that from day one

Is there any Sen op? I do feel for you here

just to confirm it’s not just that my partner isn’t involved or taking a back seat, we just haven’t much information on when and how things will proceed but the will be speaking to work about what is going on.

You sound lovely. Congratulations on your little one. Take care of yourself first here. Hydration, good food, except use getting out in the fresh air, B vitamins.
Then you can focus on welcoming dd, getting her onside, involved snd reassured of stability and communicating. As well as arranging the school side of things are you sorted with her room? Do the basics then let her sit with you and order bits to make it extra cosy online. Stationery, clothes for school same. Let her help you plan menus and shopping lists. Talk to dh and set her up with a regular allowance. Make sure she knows she can invite new friends round. Encourage her to join clubs, things she’s interested in outside of school.

Sounds very very difficult.
You need to mind yourself carefully.
Your husband needs to take time out to help his daughter settle and not leave it to you.
Stay in touch with your GP.