Should a child be cleaning their parents bedroom?

[Lollylucyclark101]

Bit of a weird one… Stepdaughter is 12. Lives with mom and 2 younger brothers. Have a fabulous relationship with mom.
We see Stepdaughter when she wants to, so weekends and 2/3 times in the week as I take her down the horse yard and dad does her dinner.

Was planning on taking her to the horses today (arranged yesterday with her mom), but mom called me at 7:30am this morning saying that daughter wasn’t allowed to go.

anyway….. as mom was ranting about what daughter did, she said that daughter was lazy, clean clothes were all over the floor and her new clothes (brought yesterday) had been dumped on the bedroom floor.

she then went on to say “she’s also horrible, as Sunday was Mother’s Day and I asked her to go and tidy my room, and she refused! And said that it wasn’t her room to tidy…… but I have to go into HER ROOM once in a while and completely reset it”

now, this is not the first time that stepdaughter has said that mom has made her clean her (moms) bedroom and how unfair she feel it is and how demeaning she feels it is.

As an adult, and a parent I would never dream of asking my children to clean my bedroom. For me it’s a private space with private things in and I keep my own bedroom tidy… because I’m an adult!

whats your take on this? Dad’s gone bonkers and said that it’s not stepdaughter’s responsibility to clean anyone’s room but hers, and do a few chores around the house (hoovering, washing up, folding the washing etc) and I agree…. Dad wants to talk to mom about it, but we have very different parenting styles and know that mom will take this as a criticism.

what are your thoughts? Would you have your child “clean your room”?

I don't think anyone should have to clean a bedroom that isn't their own. My DC had jobs cleaning communal areas of the house and I would ask whoever was hoovering the hall to leave the hoover in my room to motivate me to do it. I would never expect them to hoover my room.
I am the oldest girl in my family and I know from experience that it's awfully easy for parents to give girls too much responsibility when there's a lot going on with younger siblings.

I disagree wholeheartedly. So you think after never doing any chores, they are all of a sudden going to have the motivation to do chores when they are about to go to University. All hands need to be on deck everyone should do chores

We have A FABULOUS relationship (me and dad) with mom.

moms relationship with her daughter is turbulent, I cannot comment on the relationship with the younger too.

As a PARENT to a very upset 12 year old, my husband has every right to question moms antics!

think this comment is really rude!

At 12?! She sounds like one of 'those' exes.

YANBU, OP.

Well no, as an adult you can live how you want in your own space, surely?

I wouldn't have had mine doing my room but unless you have a suggestion of abuse, coercion or just general negativity, I don’t think this is for you to get involved in.

don’t see a problem with it if her mom regularly has ro clean her room when she’s 12

I think its unacceptable for a child to clean their parents bedroom but of course they should help to keep the rest of the house clean and tidy in an age appropriate manner. How else do they learn to take care of themselves as adults? They should also be taught to cook.
My sons were expected to clean the kitchen between them after dinner, empty bins and mow the lawn when necessary. Change their bed linen and from 15 onwards do their own washing and ironing. In his first term at university my eldest son cooked Christmas dinner with all of the trimmings for the 26 people in his halls of residence(even I was impressed with that) Last weekend I gave my granddaughter her first cooking lesson, she made Yorkshire puddings and they were wonderful. She was very proud of herself.

“Didn’t ask to be born” is the kind of lame argument teenagers use.

There is nothing wrong with teaching children (whether boy or girl) that we muck in with housework because we all live in the house. Just like we send them to school to learn other skills to prepare them for life, we teach them how to be an effective member of a family.

It’s definitely for my husband, her father to get involved in if HE things there’s an issue.

there was.

she won’t be doing it again .

I don't think it's acceptable for her to be expected to clean her mother's room. Clean her own and communal areas sure.
I also don't think it's acceptable that one parent withholds time with the other as a punishment. I honestly don't think this fair to the child or to the other parent. I also think it's quite a severe punishment for what seems to have happened? Her daughter had a messy bedroom (quite normal and she could have tidied it up when she came home or by a particular deadline) and didn't tidy up her mother's room (and I agree with your phone that she shouldn't be expected to do this)..
Yours were not there when this "misbehaviour" happened so how are you going to judge whether this punishment is appropriate?

I can’t see an issue here, particularly as you only know half the story. My kids have had chores for years now - we all clean the house together every weekend and sometimes it involves something like dusting all the bedrooms or hoovering upstairs - so that involves my room as well as theirs. They wouldn’t be able to tidy up anything as I’m the only one who knows where things go (apparently the only one in a house of 4 people who knows where anything at all belongs), but they clean up in here just as they would anywhere else when it’s their turn for that chore.

No!

Ok - you said bedroom not bathroom but I had to clean my parents' bathroom from about 15-18 yo. What a disgusting thing to do! Cleaning your parents' pee and blood off the toilet as a teenager - yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck!

No way I'm having my kids do that - and would suggest you don't have yours do it either!

I think that whatever happens in BMs house isn't your business. Apparently the majority of parents or stepparents here think children that are under 18 shouldn't be taught any responsibility or chores at all because when they have responsibility we are all horrible parents who aren't allowing kids to be kids.

I do agree with you though, I would never want or ask my SD to clean MY room, only hers. I think what your SDs BM is doing is very wrong. But it's her house, and you can empathize with your SD when she complains to you and your SO about it but nothing you can do, so don't dwell on it.

this doesnt seem right to me

Noone of any age asks to be born. What an odd reason for not teaching basic life skills to a child.

I remember the kids whose parents hadn't taught them how how to clean or take responsibility for themselves at university and early house shares. They were very unpopular .....

To the op, I wouldn't expect a child to he tidying an adults bedroom. But I wouldn't say anything unless you have serious concerns about your SCs safety which it seems that you don't.

I think it's best to accept that the mum has different ideas to you and mind your own business.