Step parents and birthdays

[Sdfgg123]

My 13yo DSC lives is with us FT. I've been in their life for around 5 year, living with them for more than 2. DH works and I'm a SAHM. I do everything for my step child. I prepare 3 meals a day, clean up after them, do their laundry, check their homework, revise for exams with them. In the past I did more for them including taking them out at my own expense, and planning things for their birthday. But since I had my own child both my time and finances have been limited and I've had to pull back a little.

I've just realised today that they very seldom think of me. They've never gifted me anything (even a card, or thinking back even acknowledged) for my birthday. They leave their dirty washing for me to clean, and dirty plates in the sink, just with the unspoken expectation that I will clean up after them. It's the Xmas holidays now, and they're waking up and coming down close to mid day asking for breakfast (tuna sandwiches, egg), instead of making themselves toast or cereal.

I didn't know what I was walking into before, but I can feel the resentment build up. They're not a bad child. Generally polite and respectful, just not very considerate.

Not sure what I want or am expecting from this post. Please be kind.

I'm a SM for DSC 13 and 16, and I faced similar issues with dishes, laundry, and other chores. It took about a year to help them develop the habit of cleaning their dishes after use, ensuring laundry is in the correct basket, feeding and cleaning after the cat, and a lot of nagging! What eventually worked and solidified the habits was a clear weekly plan that is visible on the fridge. They know who is washing up after dinner, when to change the cat litter, who is bringing and sorting the laundry, who is hanging it, and so on. Sometimes, we have to remind them to look at the rota, but overall, they have developed a sense of responsibility and are proud to complete their tasks for the week and earn a few quid for their work. Good luck, be patient, expect gradual change, and provide plenty of positive reinforcement.

I'm heavily pregnant and do everything at home. Yesterday I was doing the laundry and realised more than half my SS's clothes (which make up around 70% of all our laundry) were actually clean going out clothes. Some he'd worn once, some he'd tried on but not worn. When I went to ask him about how these clothes ended up in the laundry basket, he admitted that he couldn't be bothered tidying them away so he'd stuff them in his laundry basket instead, regardless of whether or not they actually needed cleaning. He's been doing this for 2 years. I have always struggled to keep on top of laundry and have asked him so many times to be more considerate and stop doing this.

Have told him and my husband that I won't be doing his laundry going forward. Neither of them are currently talking to me.

Tell him to do his own laundry the lazy sod!

The laundry thing sounds normal for a 13 year old - now that you know what he was up to you can just teach him the correct way.

Just have low expectations- and start gradually building up what he does.

Maybe the issue is more that you are full time minding a 13 year old and feeling resentful, understandably- but i feel a bit sorry for this 13 year old as his behaviour sounds a bit annoying but very typical of that age.