Really struggling today

[loopsaloo]

Good god. If I knew that my life would be like this, I would never had married DH

You have a DH problem

Could I hear more from any of us that have actually left the marriage, and how you managed it?

who owns the house? What percentage do they own?

can you afford to go it alone?

seriously there are so many women like yourself who come on here after being very unhappy for a number of years living with constant battles with step kids and ex wives

It reads like a torturous process - simply just get off the train - it is that easy

If you are on the wrong train - you realise you should step off right away? Some people do and some don’t but the important thing is you can still step off the train today!!!

I struggled on for years because I was afraid of how I would survive financially.

I got tax credits (would be UC now) and worked PT until DC were a few years older and ok to be left. XH had to pay 20% of his net pay as CM. I kept the house and paid the mortgage until youngest went to uni, then sold and I got 75% of equity (in exchange for not touching his pension)

My only regret is not doing it sooner.

I think you need to speak to him. Tell him how you feel and what will happen if things don't change. Maybe this will give him the scare that he needs!!!

I'd be accepting I made a ghastly mistake and getting out of this marriage. You did not sign up for being chief skivvy to some not particularly prepossessing people. (I imagine your husband showed you a different side of his personality till he thought he had you tied down with the house.) Yes, embarrassing but anything would be better than this especially if the pregnant and criminal daughter moves in too. I can't see this ever getting better. Get legal advice right now. Don't delay because there are different rules for marriages of short duration. Once you have worked out your legal and financial position, tell him it's over and move forward with the divorce asap. He might be able to buy you out or you might be able to buy him out or the property might have to be sold. Do you have family you can stay with?

I feel you. I had a thread on here recently about my DSS who is 27 and still lives with us. He does nothing around the house, it's awful. DH says he'll speak to him but never does.

I should mention I have DD, nearly 17.
Polite, well mannered, helps around the house without being asked,
I can't uproot her at the moment, she's just started her dream college course and doesn't cope well with conflict and upset - as does no one.
I think I'll get some legal advice this week.

Morning all,
Hows everyone this monday and most survive the weekends struggles of real life including loopsaloo ???

@loopsaloo the weight of all this really comes through in your posts.

If you really love your DH and see a future with him then I think you need to have a serious talk and also stop all the washing cooking and cleaning. He needs to organise chores for his son and some house rules, esp around noise.

If you think DH is never going to stand up for you or your marriage then I would absolutely be preparing to get out at a time to best support your own DD.

Meanwhile, stop doing their cooking and cleaning and start going out more with DD. You deserve so much better than these awful adults. 🌸

This morning I've woken up feeling like I'm pulling away emotionally from DH.
SS spent all weekend laying down in bed.

Morning loops :-)
Did u get any quality sleep or emtions all mixed up and worry/stress keep u flippin about ??

Does your DH do anything round the house? Does SS pay you any ‘rent’? Spending hours on x-box and staying in their room can be pretty normal but I would expect some chores to be done and some contribution to household finances.

Maybe you need to go on strike, and just look after yourself and DD. Is she joint child @loopsaloo

@crumblingschools yes he pays rent. But only since March this year, he moved into our house in June 2023. I was expected to cover increase in food bill, utilities etc until he was working. DH didn't pay anything towards this.
We have separate finances.
Does no housework or cooking.
Bad mannered. DH earns a very good wage.

As of today, stop cooking for any of them except your dd. Stop doing chores for them.

Make that appointment with a solicitor. This sounds truly awful, and unliveable with

Best to get your relationship sorted as seems its putting u into a big mental strain and thats not good and family will suffer too

DH is your main issue @loopsaloo

Agree with crumblingschools but its loops relationship and believe professional help is truly needed

I agree

She's probably be a lot happier being moved away from this home that isn't working

Oh gosh OP this sounds awful.
I second getting your finances sorted and then having a very honest conversation with your partner where you spell out exactly how you feel and the path you're on. I'd also be open eared as to what he's feeling and thinking.... perhaps if your DD is so good he feels really defensive of his son who isn't the same....

I think this might be abuse. His adult child moves in and you not only have to pay the bills for them but do all the cooking and cleaning??