18 year step son - no ambition just want to lay about

[Annrie85]

I am in a real pickle, I have a 18year old step son who is a lay about and has no ambition to get a job or help himself.

his mother is fine with him staying at home sleeping till gone noon and basically never achieving anything in life. But then he gets everything given to him so why should he?

I’ve tried setting up recruitment interviews and even applied for apprenticeships on his behalf but when it comes to him taking the reins and going for the interview he doesn’t turn and then lies that he hasn’t received the email. When I know he has.

I’ve gone out my way for him and he just isn’t bothered. But then when he comes to our house he gets days out and takeaways so is on a free ride!
i try to talk to his dad my husband about it, but he gets all funny with me and doesn’t want to here it, he just keeps telling me to not get involved.

i am at there stage now where I don’t want the step son in my house as I believe we are all enabling his behaviour but not cutting of the treats!

he has just failed his exams for the second time and his mother has jetted him off to turkey on a holiday!

I am so angry but have no one to talk to, should I just not care and let this go as he isn’t mine so isn’t my problem!?

I’ve been in his life since he was 6

Frustrating situation. I guess if he's failed his exams for the second time (for whatever reason) his sense of self-worth, and therefore his drive to push himself harder in life, may be lacking at the moment. Labels like 'lazy' and 'layabout' may not be very helpful in bringing about change.
It sounds as though you're doing what you can, but to focus on one part, maybe don't apply for things on his behalf. This seems a bit overbearing and likely to lead to conflict & annoyance, not to any positive outcome.
Easy to say I know, but could you cut him a bit of slack at the moment, let him be himself (however unsatisfactory that feels) whilst still enforcing the basic boundaries in your own home?

I was thinking the same. With the end of this summer, his formal education is about to end.

However, going forward, I can see it will be frustrating having a layabout in your house. I don’t believe kids miraculously turn into fully functioning adults on the stroke of midnight on their eighteenth birthday, but also you can’t treat them as kids forever.

The only advice is that dh shouldn’t fund this layabout lifestyle. Maybe give him up to Christmas to sort himself out, get a job (Christmas vacancies will be coming out soon), get a college place etc. before the hard talk.

This. His dad has said not to interfere, so it's none of her business.

Why is the OP setting up interviews for him that he hasn't asked for and doesn't want? He's only been out of education for a couple of months at this point.

Why does the OP feel she has the right to comment on something as trivial as his dad buying him a fucking takeaway ffs?

It's great that you care but you can't make his parents care. I agree about switching wifi off and cutting back on takeaways but otherwise just take a giant step back. It sounds like you have done a lot to try to support him.

Presumably your DH doesn't pay maintenance any more - are both parents just giving their son cash?

*His sister never needed any pushing, she just got on with it!

its like it is just accepted cause he is a boy*

Doesn't even make any sense.