Not being the "favourite" household

[sez1123]

Myself and DH have a 1 year old DD and he has a 7 year old DS from previous relationship. We have recently moved into a much bigger house so DSS stays more often now and is a great big brother. However, no matter what you do it never feels enough and he makes it clear he'd rather be at mummies.
Little things like having a bath, cleaning his teeth and eating his dinner is a chore and he says mummy never washes me or at mummy's we have takeaways, mummy's new boyfriend gives me energy drinks etc.
He's not miserable at ours, doesn't have tantrums and we are easy going and he does love running around the garden and playing but you always feel second best. Is there anyway to not have that feeling or shall I just suck it up that of course he'd rather be at the house that has no rules, full to brim of broken toys and he gets what he wants all the time?

How often does he stay now? How little was he staying before?

he says mummy never washes me

So he comes to your house and goes to school smelling and unclean?

He's trying to pull a fast one on you.

How do we know this? As a teacher I can 100% confirm that there are plenty of biological parents, including Mothers, who don’t feed their kids, don’t wash their kids, and send them to school dirty and with an energy drink for breakfast.

Have you thought of the possibility he's telling the truth?

Give him a break, he's 7! His whole world is a mix of 2 households and having to tolerate a situation put upon him by the adults in his life. His job isn't to make you feel better about what you offer him, it's for him to enjoy the warm welcome and you trying your best. There are plenty of step mothers moaning on here all the time about dsc being around too much so it's refreshing to hear you actually care about him!

@determinedtomakethiswork

Have you thought of the possibility he's telling the truth?

It's possible... and if that were the case I'd expect him to be smelling and unclean, hence my question to the OP.

If that were the case, I'd expect his dad his dad to mention it to DM.

lol
Got to agree - kids tell you anything.
But regardless you sound lovely and caring.
As teens , at some point , Separately both my sc lived with us.
Now all grown up , settled and happy.
They both really appreciate, the love , stability and housing/family home we gave them.

Having had a horrendous time at home as a teenager and no choice but to put up with it I think children with two loving homes are extremely lucky. Any issues at his main home and he has a back up. Many children would love that/
Need that. He may prefer his mums now but what if they fall out in his teenage years? What if his future gf or bf lives down the road from you? What if he gets an apprentiship that's easier to get to from your house?
Also if his mum has spent the most time with him then it's usual he will prefer her but that doesn't mean dad and step mum aren't important too. Just because a person has a best friend doesn't mean they don't want to have other friends as well. Same principal.

If the kid was telling the truth - OP would have said he comes to us smelly, in dirty clothes and hyped to the max by energy drinks. He may get a sip on occasions but that does not equate to actually having one for breakfast.

OP - do what you are doing and take a deep breath - he is secure enough with you to push boundaries and that in itself says he is happy in your house. Thank you for trying to make it a second home for him - that he feels comfortable enough to be in and relax!

We are a blended family, both sharing custody with exes and my child always says she prefers “my” house because it’s where mummy is. The stepchildren admit they prefer to be at their mum’s. They say our house is nicer in terms of space/ having individual rooms but they still see their mum’s house as home.
it’s normal.