I recently started seeing a single dad, he's wonderful with his children which is great.
We've both got 3 kids, so 6 in total.
It's not at the stage yet where this topic has really come up, but it is something I'm obviously thinking about because if the relationship goes well and progresses then we'd both be step parents to each other's kids.
At the moment we've met the kids, but we don't touch each other in any way or give any indication anything other than friendship is going on while the kids are around. Just while we're in the early doors.
So my question is more, what is it like being a step parent? My kids are 2, 4, 6 and his are 3, 5, 7. So all very similar ages, and all very young still.
I had a stepmum as a child but she was really abusive so I don't have a positive experience of my own to draw from, but I know being able to love someone else's kids won't be a problem for me.
I've got a different stepmum now but she came into my life as an adult, so it's not the same dynamic at all and I'd say it feels more on par with having another auntie.
What are some positives and some difficulties you've experienced as a step parent? What are some things to keep in mind?
I know we aren't at this stage yet, but I like to go into things at least a little prepared and I think it's important to consider it now.
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.
Step-parenting
Looking for other people's experiences with being a step parent.
Lafoosa · 17/04/2024 09:57
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
Astariel · 17/04/2024 12:57
The fact she has 3 children herself is possibly an even bigger reason for her to rule out men with children and especially many children.
These things aren’t about ‘fairness’. The ‘well I have kids so I must accept adding more to the mix’ argument is possibly well intentioned but ultimately problematic.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 13:01
And how many childless men are willing to date a woman with 3 kids? Most men will be ruling her out for that also.
Astariel · 17/04/2024 12:57
The fact she has 3 children herself is possibly an even bigger reason for her to rule out men with children and especially many children.
These things aren’t about ‘fairness’. The ‘well I have kids so I must accept adding more to the mix’ argument is possibly well intentioned but ultimately problematic.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
Lafoosa · 17/04/2024 12:56
I can't imagine myself hating being a stepmum at all, I absolutely love kids and I've looked after my sisters 2 kids for long periods so I know looking after another 3 isn't going to be an issue. I have a huge family myself, and am very used to lots of little people.
Both mine and his ex are a bit shit to be honest, he's got majority custody of his and I've got full custody of mine with the odd visit with dad (but he's unreliable).
His kids get very similar discipline to mine, and we both went into this knowing we've both got 3 kids, so if it was an issue why would we have even started dating?
His kids are also lovely, and he's a good dad.
Yes exs make things hard when they're unreliable, but that just comes with being a parent and dating unfortunately. It's not something that makes things not worth doing imo.
In answer to some other questions
He had his kids 5 days a week,
Their mum is a bit of a b, and can be a bit unreliable with cancelling her time with them. My ex is the same, although he doesn't even have mine once a month.
He doesn't bent to his exs whim.
I'm actually quite surprised how many people hate it.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 13:01
And how many childless men are willing to date a woman with 3 kids? Most men will be ruling her out for that also.
Astariel · 17/04/2024 12:57
The fact she has 3 children herself is possibly an even bigger reason for her to rule out men with children and especially many children.
These things aren’t about ‘fairness’. The ‘well I have kids so I must accept adding more to the mix’ argument is possibly well intentioned but ultimately problematic.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
Illpickthatup · 17/04/2024 13:20
In the nicest possible way, you are very naive. Do you think the stepmums who hate it got into it thinking they were going to hate it? No. They thought, I love kids, this will be a walk in the park. But it never is. I enjoy being a stepmum but it is far from a walk in the park. Things have come up that I never even imagined.
Lafoosa · 17/04/2024 12:56
I can't imagine myself hating being a stepmum at all, I absolutely love kids and I've looked after my sisters 2 kids for long periods so I know looking after another 3 isn't going to be an issue. I have a huge family myself, and am very used to lots of little people.
Both mine and his ex are a bit shit to be honest, he's got majority custody of his and I've got full custody of mine with the odd visit with dad (but he's unreliable).
His kids get very similar discipline to mine, and we both went into this knowing we've both got 3 kids, so if it was an issue why would we have even started dating?
His kids are also lovely, and he's a good dad.
Yes exs make things hard when they're unreliable, but that just comes with being a parent and dating unfortunately. It's not something that makes things not worth doing imo.
In answer to some other questions
He had his kids 5 days a week,
Their mum is a bit of a b, and can be a bit unreliable with cancelling her time with them. My ex is the same, although he doesn't even have mine once a month.
He doesn't bent to his exs whim.
I'm actually quite surprised how many people hate it.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
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Floofydawg · 17/04/2024 13:33
3+3=6 plus three kids who aren't yours are an entirely different board game to your own kids. I do love how non step parents like to come on here to give advice.
By all means keep seeing him but if it were me I would maintain separate houses and keep your relationship away from the kids.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 13:38
What advice did I give? I asked a question and the 3 kids won’t be the single man’s children either yet you are advising he takes them on?…
Floofydawg · 17/04/2024 13:33
3+3=6 plus three kids who aren't yours are an entirely different board game to your own kids. I do love how non step parents like to come on here to give advice.
By all means keep seeing him but if it were me I would maintain separate houses and keep your relationship away from the kids.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
Floofydawg · 17/04/2024 14:13
Eh?! Am advising they live in separate houses and no one takes on anyone's children. I just don't get why people even comment on step-parenting posts when they have no experience. Just like I'm not pregnant (and haven't been for a long time) so I wouldn't dream of commenting on pregnancy posts.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 13:38
What advice did I give? I asked a question and the 3 kids won’t be the single man’s children either yet you are advising he takes them on?…
Floofydawg · 17/04/2024 13:33
3+3=6 plus three kids who aren't yours are an entirely different board game to your own kids. I do love how non step parents like to come on here to give advice.
By all means keep seeing him but if it were me I would maintain separate houses and keep your relationship away from the kids.
FlowersInAFlowerBed · 17/04/2024 12:43
These comments are interesting and people saying don't do it? But she has 3 herself? So should she only aim to find a man with no children? I imagine that would be quite challenging with 3 small children or are people advising she remains alone?
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