I’m simply here to vent to anyone that can sympathise as I have no one in real life that has any experience with my situation.
DH’s exgf and mother to my SDs is a whole mess. On social media she looks like she’s living the high life… she’s pretty, has cosmetic work done, designer clothes, lavish holidays, always out etc. You’d be convinced she had her sh*t together and was doing well in life.
The reality is that she is incredibly lazy and lives a hedonistic lifestyle where she puts her own wants and love life above the stability of her daughters.
She flits between not working (through choice, she’s able bodied and capable) or working part time, never more than 2.5 days a week in her entire adult life. She dates men willing to lavish cash on her and support her lazy lifestyle, not choosing men who are good partners or actually care about her or the kids.
In the 8.5 years I’ve been with DH, she has had at least 4 boyfriends that she’s introduced to the kids or cohabited with that we know of. It’s a revolving door of new “stepdads” and we have tried our best to not interfere as the kids don’t appear to have been in any danger, but obviously it’s an unstable home life.
SDs are now 19 & 15 so there’s very little DH can do about it in terms of custody as one is an adult and we’ve been advised that kids over around 11/12 years old generally get to decide which parent they want to reside with and unfortunately they both idolise their mum.
Their mum’s most recent bf seemed pretty nice… good job, had a nice daughter of his own, my SDs like him, he treated them well. So when my SDs said they were all moving in together into a new house we were so RELIEVED.
Their mum has a history of lying, it’s bizarre and almost like she presents what she wishes would happen as factual. This has ranged from SDs being told they’re getting a puppy more than 5 times (and obviously it never happens), to declaring they’re going on a lavish holiday to Dubai for a month, to telling them she’s been offered a job paying £100k per year, and the latest lie she told the kids is that the house they were moving in to with the new bf was equally and jointly purchased by her.
Immediately I knew this was a lie, her house was rented previously and she would never have saved the £40k+ for her to be put jointly on the mortgage whilst being unemployed or working for NMW part-time.
She’s a complete fantasist but the kids adore her and despite her wild promises never materialising, they always appear to trust and believe in what she’s telling them.
Getting to the most recent sh*t show, they did end up moving into this lovely big new house. The kids were proudly telling everyone about their new home, how pretty it is, how lovely their new big bedrooms are etc.
We could not have been happier for them! Like I said, we were relieved things seemed stable and nice.
Until last night. SD15 came over for dinner and when DH was dropping her home she told him to drop her at their old house, not the new one. He was obviously confused and SD burst into tears and told him mum’s bf had kicked them and their mum out.
Mum and SD19 had behaved so appallingly and entitled towards the new bf that they lasted less than 2 months all living together.
SD15 is humiliated and embarrassed that her mum lied to them about co-owning the house, that she excitedly told all of her friends and family about their new home, and their mum has yet another failed relationship under her belt.
So now they’re back in their old rented house… which begs the question of why hadn’t their mum given up her tenancy (they knew they were moving for over 6 months) or any of her furniture? Did she expect this to happen? If so, why did she put SD15 through it knowing it was as likely to go pear shaped?
We asked SD15 if she wanted to stay with us for a while, she said no but we have her this weekend anyway and intend to spoil her with love and attention.
I just feel so bad for her.