STEP PARENTS - Mother's day cafe

[jellyfishbubbles]

How are you? You doing OK today?

My stepkids just completely ignored it was mothers day this morning and have now gone to see their mum. I didn't even get a good morning or goodbye. No idea what's up with that. My LO made me a nice card.

[NewNameNigel]

I'm on my way to see my mum at the moment. DSCs were still in bed when I left but are meant to be doing something with their mum today. Hopefully DH will get them out of bed, although they are definitely old enough to have set an alarm!

[ErinAoife]

It is fair that they went to see their mother for mother day. It will be nice if they acknowledge you but you are not their mother

[SoupDragon]

I don't understand this. On this board posters constantly say how the step"mother" doesn't have to do any parenting because they aren't the parent. If that is the case, why should a step child mention Mother's Day?

[Illpickthatup]

This year mother's day has fallen on mum's weekend so I won't see my DSD6 until 6pm. My DSS17 who lives here full time is still in bed but he's not even bought a card for his mum yet so I very much doubt will get anything from him which is fine. He'll probably wish me a Happy Mother's though.

DH made me breakfast in bed this morning then did some housework while in chilled in bed. It's been a good day so far. I'll go see my mum this afternoon.

Hope you have a lovely day with your LO.

[Illpickthatup]

@ErinAoife

It is fair that they went to see their mother for mother day. It will be nice if they acknowledge you but you are not their mother

Common courtesy to say good morning or acknowledge her existence though isn't it?

[Illpickthatup]

@SoupDragon

I don't understand this. On this board posters constantly say how the step"mother" doesn't have to do any parenting because they aren't the parent. If that is the case, why should a step child mention Mother's Day?

Everyone's situation is different.

I'm sure the intention of OPs post was to check in with stepmum on what can be an awkward or difficult day, not to have people pick apart the ins and outs of step-parenthood.

[NewNameNigel]

@ErinAoife

It is fair that they went to see their mother for mother day. It will be nice if they acknowledge you but you are not their mother

I think the op was expecting them to say hello when they saw her and goodbye when they left rather than a mother's day card....

[jellyfishbubbles]

@ErinAoife

It is fair that they went to see their mother for mother day. It will be nice if they acknowledge you but you are not their mother

Why are you talking to me as if I don't know that?
I know it's fair. I haven't said it isn't. I've just had a minor rant that I didn't even get a good morning or a good bye today and wondering whats up in their world.

[jellyfishbubbles]

@NewNameNigel

I think the op was expecting them to say hello when they saw her and goodbye when they left rather than a mother's day card....

Thank you

[jellyfishbubbles]

@SoupDragon

I don't understand this. On this board posters constantly say how the step"mother" doesn't have to do any parenting because they aren't the parent. If that is the case, why should a step child mention Mother's Day?

My little one was there with a card and DH was making me breakfast etc. I'd have thought it would have been polite to say SOMETHING. I said hope you have a nice day with your mum and just got blanked.

[Blendedfamilystruggle]

@SoupDragon

I don't understand this. On this board posters constantly say how the step"mother" doesn't have to do any parenting because they aren't the parent. If that is the case, why should a step child mention Mother's Day?

That's the things, step-mums don't have to but often do and it feels really shit when it's not acknowledged.

I have my SKs full time, they see their mum one evening a week and eow. I am not their mum but I do the worst of the mum stuff- I take them to school, I get them to do their homework and help them with it when they need it, I wash their clothes, make their dinner, take them to clubs, get them to brush their teeth and get to bed on time. Their mum does none of this, they don't need to bathe or brush teeth, they can live on junk food for the weekend and don't even need to leave the house. When she was asked earlier this week if she could watch her own children for a week because we need to go abroad for something family related and don't want SKs to miss school she said she could watch them but won't take them to school because it's a 20minute bus ride for her (we have offered her money for the bus so it's not down to that). Yet today I will get no acknowledgement of my role or any of the things that I do and she will. I have zero grudge towards my SKs for that, i can't imagine how it must feel for them to have a mum who cares so little so if they need to tell themselves that they have a great mum and celebrate her on mother's day then I get that. It does feel a bit shit to not feel recognised though and I think this is a good place for stepmums to be able to come to vent about that.

[jellyfishbubbles]

@Illpickthatup

This year mother's day has fallen on mum's weekend so I won't see my DSD6 until 6pm. My DSS17 who lives here full time is still in bed but he's not even bought a card for his mum yet so I very much doubt will get anything from him which is fine. He'll probably wish me a Happy Mother's though.

DH made me breakfast in bed this morning then did some housework while in chilled in bed. It's been a good day so far. I'll go see my mum this afternoon.

Hope you have a lovely day with your LO.

We're having a lovely day watching a film and having snuggles. Thank you

[BarrelOfOtters]

I used to get passed off about this, not helped by my mum passing away when I was relatively young so couldn’t go and see her.

I’m over myself now…but some acknowledgement would have been nice.

[Ibouncetothebeat]

Husband issue. Wouldn’t let my DC leave the house without saying goodbye to anyone. Manners are free. I also would have explained that Mother’s Day is about our mums but we can also appreciate someone as a mother to their sibling or someone who plays that role in our life such as a step mother.

[Foxesandsquirrels]

@Blendedfamilystruggle

That's the things, step-mums don't have to but often do and it feels really shit when it's not acknowledged.

I have my SKs full time, they see their mum one evening a week and eow. I am not their mum but I do the worst of the mum stuff- I take them to school, I get them to do their homework and help them with it when they need it, I wash their clothes, make their dinner, take them to clubs, get them to brush their teeth and get to bed on time. Their mum does none of this, they don't need to bathe or brush teeth, they can live on junk food for the weekend and don't even need to leave the house. When she was asked earlier this week if she could watch her own children for a week because we need to go abroad for something family related and don't want SKs to miss school she said she could watch them but won't take them to school because it's a 20minute bus ride for her (we have offered her money for the bus so it's not down to that). Yet today I will get no acknowledgement of my role or any of the things that I do and she will. I have zero grudge towards my SKs for that, i can't imagine how it must feel for them to have a mum who cares so little so if they need to tell themselves that they have a great mum and celebrate her on mother's day then I get that. It does feel a bit shit to not feel recognised though and I think this is a good place for stepmums to be able to come to vent about that.

I know it may not feel like it now, but they will be grateful when they grow up.

[Mummame222]

@ErinAoife

It is fair that they went to see their mother for mother day. It will be nice if they acknowledge you but you are not their mother

I just msg’d my kids who are at their Dads to make sure they acknowledge and thank their Step Mum today. The good ones that treat children how she treats mine are amazing and deserve so much acknowledgment today!

[jellyfishbubbles]

Its not even about them wishing me a happy mother's day. Just they clearly know what day it is. Like with a birthday just a "have a nice day" would have been nice.

Oh well.

[TwoWithCurls]

But you aren't their mother? I think the best way to be anything like a parent to them is to start by being completely unselfish. They're children. They have a mother, let them celebrate her.

[FTstepmum]

I'm full-time step mum to four children. Their mother left them 8 years ago with my DH when the youngest was 6 months old. They have been very hurt by the rejection.

I've been looking after them equally with DH for 5 years. I love them and I know they love me (they all call me "mum")

Today though, I've had nothing given or even said to me and I feel quite forgotten.

I've just had the worst 12 months of my life and it feels especially painful.

I'll get over it, I'm sure.

Anyone else a full-time step mum?

[Mummame222]

@SoupDragon

I don't understand this. On this board posters constantly say how the step"mother" doesn't have to do any parenting because they aren't the parent. If that is the case, why should a step child mention Mother's Day?

Two different types of Step Parents imo. One deserve acknowledgment, one should probably got with a man with no kids. But that’s a whole different thread…

[jellyfishbubbles]

@TwoWithCurls

But you aren't their mother? I think the best way to be anything like a parent to them is to start by being completely unselfish. They're children. They have a mother, let them celebrate her.

oh god.

I feel my feelings are too subtle and nuanced for a thread on mumsnet I wish I'd never started it now

[jellyfishbubbles]

@FTstepmum

I'm full-time step mum to four children. Their mother left them 8 years ago with my DH when the youngest was 6 months old. They have been very hurt by the rejection.

I've been looking after them equally with DH for 5 years. I love them and I know they love me (they all call me "mum")

Today though, I've had nothing given or even said to me and I feel quite forgotten.

I've just had the worst 12 months of my life and it feels especially painful.

I'll get over it, I'm sure.

Anyone else a full-time step mum?

Oh that's harsh. I'm sorry

[GKD]

@FTstepmum

I'm full-time step mum to four children. Their mother left them 8 years ago with my DH when the youngest was 6 months old. They have been very hurt by the rejection.

I've been looking after them equally with DH for 5 years. I love them and I know they love me (they all call me "mum")

Today though, I've had nothing given or even said to me and I feel quite forgotten.

I've just had the worst 12 months of my life and it feels especially painful.

I'll get over it, I'm sure.

Anyone else a full-time step mum?

DH didn’t sort anything? Or ask them too?

Although they may feel conflicted today if their mother walked out on them, not in terms of you but a friend in a similar position finds Mother’s Day difficult.

[Foxesandsquirrels]

@jellyfishbubbles

Its not even about them wishing me a happy mother's day. Just they clearly know what day it is. Like with a birthday just a "have a nice day" would have been nice.

Oh well.

They sound like they lack basic manners and your DH needs to address this.

[Foxesandsquirrels]

@TwoWithCurls

But you aren't their mother? I think the best way to be anything like a parent to them is to start by being completely unselfish. They're children. They have a mother, let them celebrate her.

They also need basic manners and gratitude.....