Instant bad mood whenever DSC here

[Doooolittle]

Does anyone else feel like this? I feel like every week on the days DSC stay my mood instantly plummets and I just can't wait for it to be over.

I don't know quite how to explain it but the house just feels weird like there is a sort of stranger living in it for a few days and like I can't fully relax.

I am always friendly, I don't outwardly show this but I feel like the whole time I'm just counting down the minutes.

[purplediscoblue]

I’m with you!!

there’s absolutely 0 wrong with the child and who he is and that he comes it’s my partner the way he does things and how the set up is.

we are all in living room till bedtime, 4 of us. The requests get weird and tne time goes slow until Sunday comes!

i totally totally get you

[purplediscoblue]

I must add to this, i go and do my own thing a lot with our shared child on my own but I also make sure the four of us get out together.

it becomes too much to be sat in all
day. They once asked me and my toddler to stay in the sons room in a single so they could share the double bed.. honestly I’m here and I understand. I like the calm when he’s gone and to be able
to relax and be me. Get undressed go to bed at a reasonable time with my partner etc etc etc

[MississippiAF]

Mine are older now and don’t stay for scheduled visits, but yanbu, I remember the feeling of dread towards the end of the week on ‘their’ week.

It’s like you’re unwelcome in your own home.

[TheCosySeal]

Iv said many a time that having SC over feels like I have a stranger in my house who I can’t get rid off and I have no choice in.
Thankfully they only come EOW for 2 full days and 1 night so it’s not terrible but I wouldn’t be able to do 50/50 which seems to be a more recent thing then when contact was set up with my SC over 10 years ago!

[NewNameNigel]

I don't dread my DSCs coming over and don't see them as strangers in my house.

However, I have maintained my social life and often see friends on weekends. We also plan fun things to do with SCs rather than sitting in the living room til bedtime.

[TheCosySeal]

@NewNameNigel

I don't dread my DSCs coming over and don't see them as strangers in my house.

However, I have maintained my social life and often see friends on weekends. We also plan fun things to do with SCs rather than sitting in the living room til bedtime.

We don’t stay in all the time either but it’s just different and not in a good way when they are over.

[Bbq1]

@Doooolittle

Does anyone else feel like this? I feel like every week on the days DSC stay my mood instantly plummets and I just can't wait for it to be over.

I don't know quite how to explain it but the house just feels weird like there is a sort of stranger living in it for a few days and like I can't fully relax.

I am always friendly, I don't outwardly show this but I feel like the whole time I'm just counting down the minutes.

It's sad. This is a genuine question:Why start a relationship with a man who already has children if you're not cut out to be a step parent?

[TheCosySeal]

@Bbq1

It's sad. This is a genuine question:Why start a relationship with a man who already has children if you're not cut out to be a step parent?

You don’t know your not fit to be a step parents until you are in too deep.
You don’t start a relationship by straight away blending. It doesn’t happen until months down the line and by then your in love so you put up with it for the times the SK aren’t around.

[SemperIdem]

@Bbq1 most step parents don’t know they aren’t “cut out” to be a step parent, at the starting point. I’d say the very vast majority really do think they’re prepared for it, actually.

Parenting is itself, hard sometimes. Step parenting is a whole other world of challenge.

[sprigatito]

@TheCosySeal

Iv said many a time that having SC over feels like I have a stranger in my house who I can’t get rid off and I have no choice in.
Thankfully they only come EOW for 2 full days and 1 night so it’s not terrible but I wouldn’t be able to do 50/50 which seems to be a more recent thing then when contact was set up with my SC over 10 years ago!

How would you cope if something happened to their mother and their father suddenly had full custody?

EOW isn't equal parenting, I'd struggle to respect a man who was happy with that.

[Aquamarine1029]

I am always friendly, I don't outwardly show this

Come the fuck on. You really think that your stepchildren are so daft that they can't read how you feel? And let me be clear, I in no way find fault for how you feel. They aren't your kids. You simply don't love them, end of.

I just really wonder why so many people, women especially, who put themselves in this position. It's awful for you and it's horrible for the kids. Blended families are so often a miserably failed experiment.

[Bbq1]

@SemperIdem

@Bbq1 most step parents don’t know they aren’t “cut out” to be a step parent, at the starting point. I’d say the very vast majority really do think they’re prepared for it, actually.

Parenting is itself, hard sometimes. Step parenting is a whole other world of challenge.

It just seems so sad to hear that people see the step kids as "strangers" or just "put up with them" . Is their no affection towards the poor children who didn't have any say in their living arrangements? You see this again and again, blended families just not blending and the children suffering as a result.

[Pumpkintopf]

Poor kids. You got together with a father. Presumably you'd want better for your own children should you yourself split up with their dad?

[Pinkiepromise789]

At least OP is being honest. I would hate it also.. I think most people would..
'Blended' to me sounds like a myth that some adults like to say to make them feel better about their choices..
I am yet to meet an adult that came from a happily 'blended' home. It's convenient for adults but I've never seen it work for the 'original / previous' children.. of either parent.

[Chocolatebuttonns]

@Pumpkintopf

Poor kids. You got together with a father. Presumably you'd want better for your own children should you yourself split up with their dad?

Bingo. Didn't take long for "poor kids"

I get it op. I did feel like this once.

For the posters who say "what if they move in!!!!!"

Actually I found that easier when it happened. I had more jurisdiction. I parented and therefore I made the bloody rules. I feel you have less say when it's EOW, or twice a week or whatever.

I think it's because they're there, in your home, but you have no say in what happens. Like bedtime or whatever. It's hard. It didn't mean I didn't like dss I very much do, but at first it was a bit like hmm I have no valid opinion here, even tho dh didn't mean for it to be like that.

When he moved in we had a very clear agreement that if I was expected to parent (which I did have to due to work etc) that I'd do so as I saw fit and in the absence of dh what I said went. Which worked for us to be honest.

[Chocolatebuttonns]

@Pinkiepromise789

At least OP is being honest. I would hate it also.. I think most people would..
'Blended' to me sounds like a myth that some adults like to say to make them feel better about their choices..
I am yet to meet an adult that came from a happily 'blended' home. It's convenient for adults but I've never seen it work for the 'original / previous' children.. of either parent.

Hello! I'm one. Sort of anyway! I've been "blended" with two different step parents. One absolutely shite. The other genuinely bloody wonderful. It can happen, promise.

Also agree it can be utter shit. V dependant on circumstances and all parties involved.

[NeglectfulCatMama]

I wouldn't say bad mood, but anxious as I never know what version I'm going to get? Also having only one tv in the house is tricky- dh tends to let sc monopolise what we watch etc. I try and keeps an open mind but sometimes I just end up upstairs/read/watch my phone.

[Sorenson]

@Bbq1

It's sad. This is a genuine question:Why start a relationship with a man who already has children if you're not cut out to be a step parent?

Its not a genuine question. Its more complicated than that.

[NeglectfulCatMama]

@Bbq1 Parents on here are allowed to talk candidly about things they struggle with. By comparison, Step parents are supposed to instantly know what they are doing and handle all the complicated dynamics that they didn't even cause in a lot of cases because they chose to be with someone with kids, so they 'should've known exactly what to expect.' 🙄by that logic, why would anyone have a baby ever....unless they are going to keep their mouth shut and never admit they are human and go through phases where they find things challenging.

[MardyBigBum]

It works both ways. After DF met DSM, she was always at his house every time I went. From my point of view, there was a stranger in my DF´s house. Unfortunately she never tried hard enough to hide the fact that she resents my existence so I soon understood that I had become the unwelcome stranger in the house.

[NeglectfulCatMama]

@MardyBigBum I'm sorry to hear that, it must have been a hard situation to be in. When I first met DP he always used to say I should try and be around as much as possible when dsc was here and I felt like actually sometimes dsd probably just wanted to be with her dad and since then things have got more relaxed and I come and go.

I think it's so important that step parents give their stepchildren space to just be and spend time with their parents sometimes and definitely not moan and complain or make them feel like you resent them. Really hope my sd does not feel like that.

[TheCosySeal]

@sprigatito

How would you cope if something happened to their mother and their father suddenly had full custody?

EOW isn't equal parenting, I'd struggle to respect a man who was happy with that.

It wouldn’t happen. I won’t go into reasons why but I know for 100%.

I know all the facts in regards to my SC so I have plenty of respect for him.

[harryclr]

I am also with you and shes here almost everyday. I feel so much calmer and relaxed on the days shes not here.

[sprigatito]

@TheCosySeal so....you know with 100% certainty that if your stepchildren lost their mother, their father wouldn't take custody of them? Yeah, I can see why you respect him

[TheCosySeal]

@sprigatito

@TheCosySeal so....you know with 100% certainty that if your stepchildren lost their mother, their father wouldn't take custody of them? Yeah, I can see why you respect him

Like I said... I won’t go into the situation in detail because frankly it’s not relevant to the thread but yes I can say 100% she wouldn’t move in.

and THANK GOD FOR THAT. Worst nightmare.