First midweek sleepover

[E1do]

Hi all,

My 3 year old DSD is sleeping over for the first time tonight midweek! It means I will be doing the nursery run on my way to work.

I'm only 25 and no kids of my own yet so looking for some golden nuggets of advice on how to make the morning run as smooth as possible as I get myself and a 3 year old ready for work all while dealing with an 11 week old puppy too!!!

Gosh so many negative nancies! Well done for offering to help! I hope it goes well this morning. Only advice, make it fun, don't stress xxx

Thank you! Honestly was just looking for some tips on the drop off, not my relationship with my partner or my step daughter!

Thank you for your kind words! It went perfectly I was definitely stressing for no reason xxx

I get that you are dropping her off, makes sense if you offered and is on your way to work. But you don't need to think about any of the morning prep- her dad should be getting up with her and getting her ready etc abd making sure she's ready to leave when you are.

I was like you once. Ended up used as free childcare and maid.

Hope all went well this morning! Snacks, pre prep of clothes and was going to mention if you have Bluetooth in your car then you can play fun nursery rhymes from Spotify. Well done on offering and helping mum have a fab night out and a morning off the nursery run, such a lovely idea, will only build better relationships all round going forward.

Thank you so much for your kind words!

It went really well!

I just offered to help mum out, has nothing to do with "free childcare" or being a "maid"

Thanks for your reply! This isn't a case of "it's your daughter your problem" we are a team in the house and always have been, so we tackle things together. He did get her ready for the day.

Glad it went well, but just need to correct your terminology.

You are not "helping the mum out", you are doing a favour for your DP, the child's father.

He should be doing 50% of all parenting duties if he's a decent man.

He should know exactly what's involved with taking his own DC to nursery, because he should be doing it regularly.

The fact that he isn't involved enough with his child to know how to do a nursery drop off, and when he needs to step up (for one solitary time 🙄) he gets his girlfriend to do it is a massive red flag.

Double up on your contraception, because this man is not a good father.

Actually op to has clearly explained.

She is helping mum out since it's mums night and morning to do drop off.

This is how contact work. My mums night and dads nights and if someone takes on my night with the kid they are doing me a favour.

Some bat shittery this post has stirred up honestly 🙄

OP asking about it shows her boyfriend does not parent his kid during the week, see the word ‘first’ in the title. What @Ju1ieAndrews said is valid, it’s important young women do not sleepwalk in to parenting some deadbeats kid for him. Who knows, maybe this boyfriend is resident parent and a high quality father. Who’s never had his kid sleepover midweek before.

Honestly, OP, the whole lot of us are just jaded because there are significant number of threads on here where the man's girlfriend basically ends up doing all the wifework and parenting of the child.

Fun as it seems when it's ad hoc, all we are doing is just trying to keep your eyes open and remind you that, first and foremost, the girl is his responsibility. Yes, you are a team, and yes, it's nice to help one another out. But it's textbook that as soon as something childcare based comes along, the girlfriend is always expected (by the dad) to "help" aka "do it all".

As long as you see him actively helping you with stuff that is your responsibility then fair enough. Don't fall into the trap of being default mum in leiu of a lazy dad.

I think it's nice that you're helping maintain a decent relationship with your partners ex. And I think it helps the children in these situations, if everyone can act like adults and be kind to each other for the benefit of the children. Just make sure Daddy remembers he's the parent. I will echo what others have said, make sure that it really is just a 'one off' and your boyfriend actually parents his own child in future. I would also not refer to her as your step daughter. For your own benefit as well as this little girls. Fathers sometimes forget they have a responsibility for parenting their children, especially when there's a young woman willing to take on a parental role because it seems a bit of a novelty for her and a cop out for him. You've been in her very short life a very short time, you're not married to her father and you're not a parental figure to her. She won't see you as another mummy. You are daddy's girlfriend, there's no shame in being just that for now and you don't need to make more of the relationship with this little girl than is currently there.

OP, no disrespect, but she isn't your step daughter, she's your partners child.

I agree with PP about being careful - it's so easy to fall into the “we’re a team” trap especially in the early days and end up being default back-up childcare by stealth. Nothing wrong with helping out but it’s very easy to find all the “teamwork” goes one-way especially when your own circumstances mean you won’t need to be asking for similar support. Not that relationships need to be totally transactional of course but it’s very easy for the balance to get unfairly skewed against you.