How is the best way to introduce children to new partner?

[Angeldelight1555]

Me and my Boyfriend have been together for a year now and things are great. I have two children from my marriage before and he has none. We are thinking about in the new year introducing him to the children and I wondered how is the best way to go about it? I thought maybe he could just pop over for a coffee and we could play some games so they are in their own territory however some people advise doing it away from the home. The children do know about him and are excited to meet him. I thought it best to build them up to the idea of him slowly. Any suggestions?

Gotta love a double standard! We definitely moved quickly per MN standards. I met the kids after 4 months and we bought our house after 6. We'd know each other 20 years as we dated in highschool and I think due to COVID we really got to know each other as we had loads of indoor dates and plenty of chatting. We even spoke about getting married after 2 months. We just knew.

DH tried to do everything right. Told the ex about me and that he wanted to tell the kids. Of course she kicked off and said the kids weren't to meet me. I met them anyway as not her call. DH told the kids in advance, they asked questions then he let them decide when they were ready to meet me.

She did a whole Facebook live about DH involving another woman in their kids life's. Apparently she was going to date men but they'd never have any involvement with her kids.

The ex had an affair with a married man and moved him in when his wife found out and chucked him out. She texted DH to tell him. The kids only found out when they went back to their mum's a few days later and he was there.

The ex tried to stop me from going to my DSDs nursery graduation despite the fact I did most of the drop offs on DHs weeks and had been living with her for 2 years. But when her and the boyfriend had been together 4 months he was coming to DSDs parents evenings.

I'm thinking my ex-H and your DH's ex would get along brilliantly 😂 he tried to tell me DC wasn't allowed to meet OH for 5 years 😂 DC was 5 at the time - imagine him meeting OH at 10 and finding out we'd been together for years at that point!🤦🏻‍♀️

That's so cute!

I met DSD when she'd just turned 3. DH said she was really shy around new people so not to be too disheartening if she didn't seem interested. She wasn't shy with me at all and before long was brushing my hair and crawling onto my lap for a cuddle. DH said any time he took her out after that she'd ask if they were going to get me. Whenever I was at DHs house and DH told DSD to go get her shoes she'd bring mine too to make sure I was coming with them.

It's amazing the control they still think they have after a break up.

I do the school run as I WFH so it's easier. DH leaves for work usually before DSD gets up and gets home an hour after she's home form school. They facetime in the car in the morning and when she gets home from school and if he finishes earlier he picks her up. He does bath and bedtime every night and we always do something fun at the weekends. He's a very hands on dad. The ex threatened to take him to court because when they agreed on 50:50 that didn't include his "new bird" being the main carer.

We rarely get babysitters as we just plan things for when we don't have her. DHs sister has had her overnight once when we had a wedding and my mum has come to the house to babysit twice. In 3 years! The ex goes out most weekends and leaves DSD at her dad's or brothers overnight which DSD hates. She also leave her with 16yo SS a lot. But yeah, my DH is an absent father apparently.

Agreed. I don't understand the big deal of someone going into their home.

It's a safe space and some are more guarded about that than others. I don't think think you need to fully understand it but it's helpful to understand some people feel differently about things.

We're talking about a man she's been seeing for a year, not a paedophile.

I just wasn't to be absolutely crystal clear that there was no suggestion of the man's intent when i mentioned it being the kids space. It never even crossed my mind.

Does this rule apply to everyone? Are OPs friends not allowed round for a coffee because it's the kids safe space?

In some cases it actually does, but in others not so. The difference is that OP friends coming round for coffee are coming to see OP with no expectation that they are there to meet the children. The whole reason for this meeting is the opposite.

When I mentioned a day out though it doesn't have to be a big thing. A trip to the park, a cafe, into town - basically anything OP would do with her DC he could tag along, there is no need for it to be a huge deal

Jesus wept that is absolutely insane!!!

I think this is the first post in forever where the OP has not introduced a new partner to their children within the first five minutes of meeting them how refreshing.

Playground/park is best - keep it short then next time maybe lunch out and build up. Good luck!

I think a day out is nice. Find a winter fair or a restaurant or something. You could do 1 or 2 of those before bribing him into the house - I think it’s nice to meet outside of the home. Everyone is a little more engaged and it also creates nice memories.

Then the second or third time at home - with the children’s permission and it can be an activity that everyone can get involved in.

I see why you would want to jump straight to the home but looking back (as someone who has had parents introduce their new partners to me and having to have introduced my DD to someone new) I think we have our guards up when we are at home as children and it can be awkward when any guest comes over - someone is coming into their space. Whereas when everyone is in a new space I feel it’s easier to relax.