Picky Eating

[Missmatchedgirl]

My SD (10y) is a very picky eater, my OH has cooked her one of the same two meals every night for about 5 years. I personally think there might be more to it with an eating disorder but he thinks it’s just a ‘phase’.

everything I’ve read on picky eating is that you shouldn’t give them their own special meal, you still include foods they like but with new items on the plate and no pressure to try. If they don’t want to they essentially go hungry. I want to start this approach, but after years of getting every meal she wants, is this unfair?

my partner sees no issue cooking it for her every night, but I’m a SAHM to my 2 year old and want to start doing family meals (he currently eats earlier than us) which makes sense if I start cooking, but ideally one meal for everyone. I don’t think she should get special treatment, and to be honest I’m worried it will influence my child to be picky when he currently eats really well. (I’m under no illusion he won’t go through a picky eating phase though!)

Am I being unreasonable? Should I keep to cooking for my son earlier and my OH cooks for us all separately later in the evening while I’m doing bedtime? Which to be honest saddens me! I want my son to be involved in family meals. Am I going to start a war that isn’t technically my problem and one her mum and dad need to address?

SD is with us 50% of the time, if that makes a difference to how you think I should handle it!

If your DH isn’t on board then you’re going to be fighting a losing battle; if you start doing things differently to her mums house that’s fine but this sound like something you need to leave to them.

This. Your dsd has two parents who have both decided that it is a phase and she will grow out of it. At your house, your dh cooks for her, so it does not require effort from you. It's not your call.

If you try to interfere, your dsd will say 'but daddy cooks for me' 'you're not my mum', or she may simply choose not to visit you any more, causing disagreement with your dh.

I actually think it’s quite neglectful for your DH and his ex to allow their child to eat such a dreadful diet on a daily basis, and yes of course it will affect your DS when he reaches his picky stage. He’s not going to eat his meat and 2 veg when he can have chips and chocolate is he?

Well the idea is that I would take over the cooking, and I ideally don’t want to always cook a separate meal for her so it won’t always be my partner doing it. I also don’t want my son to ask why she gets her own special menu when he won’t be!

I think I will just cook for us and my partner can still cook for her and it might mean he sees how inconvenient it is and does something about it!

If my son starts to kick back and want the same I guess I will push for something to be done then. Fingers crossed he will want the better food options!

OP you said she eats 11 foods. Can you list them and how many are super specific like the nuggets being one brand?

If you got some nicer goujons for yourself, your DH and the toddler, could her and her Dad "make dinner for everyone" (with maybe a nice salad which she's under no pressure to eat)? If she has oven chips you could get some sweet potato ones which could share the same oven tray.

It would involve everyone eating "nuggets and chips" but it would also be a family meal and a first step to get her "cooking" with her Dad.

Dont worry about your DS. My DC have spent 13 years in each orgers company and they are different.

I disagree that you shouldn't worry about your DS. If he is vastly different and loves food like lots of the children mentioned here then sure, there may not be an issue, but I think it's a no brainier that this will exacerbate any predisposition to be fussy. Someone else getting away with it around him and getting exactly what they want... of course he'll push for the same.

I have a fairly picky 5yo but not THAT picky.Sounds like she needs to be under a dietitian if she is still eating such a limited diet at that age.I think putting a wider range of foods in front of her with no pressure wouldn't be a bad thing....forcing her to just access particular foods INSTEAD of the familiar ones straight away not a good idea as this could be very anxiety inducing for her....it won't help her try new things if she is feeling stressed.

She definitely shouldn't be going hungry because she won't try new things or eat something unfamiliar, that isn't fair, but gradual exposure may work.Unsure at that age though....think she really needs some medical help really.