Taking DSS's room

[Roomroomroom]

For varying reasons we have a current set up of our toddler (3) in one room and DSS has the other and me and DH sleep downstairs on a pullout bed. It's not ideal obviously but we felt at the time it was best for the kids to have their own rooms for the time being.

Anyway, DSS is now 18 and barely comes anymore other than for tea and to stay the very rare night and is going to uni soon too.

I've said to DH I'm not willing to do this anymore whilst a bedroom lies empty 85% of the time upstairs and we need to move into DSS's room (or swap toddler into it and have toddlers room -both doubles).

DH doesn't want to as feels it's like saying his son can't ever come back if he wants to.

But realistically how long can we be expected to sleep downstairs so there can be a room there ready if he potentially wants to come home every now and then?

I get it but we don't have the space to be just leaving empty rooms lying there. If he wants to come and stay one random night we can put a pull out bed in toddlers room for those nights.

I've told DH I'm going to do it whether he agrees or not as I can't stand it anymore. It's making me resentful knowing there's an empty room upstairs whilst I'm lay on a sofa bed.

As @Ducksurprise says forget the Step part - many families will rearrange bedrooms when a child leaves for university and will no longer be living there. My parents redecorated both mine and my sisters room - we could still sleep there on holidays etc but it was less ours and more a bedroom in our family house. We actually were consulted on colours etc to make sure we didn’t hate it but my parents wanted them to be guest rooms for their friends etc and neither of us were offended!

I'm surprised DSS hasn't said anything himself!

We were lucky growing up we had a room each. I'm oldest so had biggest children room. My room was kept for when I was home (worked abroad) but lay empty for about 10/11 months of the year.

After a year I told my parents I was surprised they hadn't shifted my siblings up a room and moved me to the box. It was madness for my siblings not to have the bigger rooms when I wasn't living there FT.

My younger siblings was then moved up when both me and middle had moved out and box kept as spare room for visits.

i appreciate a bedroom reshuffle is quite acceptable in together families, when a child leaves home or goes to uni etc, but common sense rarely prevails in step families and you often hear of an expectation to preserve a bedroom/shrine to a step child well into their adult life. Its just Dad Guilt talking, and it’s totally ridiculous

I agree with the posters saying not to get side tracked by the "step" element. When I went to uni my parents started using my bedroom as a study. It's normal to re-shuffle the rooms when someone reaches adulthood.

Had the exact same convo a year ago when I took DSS's bedroom to use as my office. He was 20 at the time, at uni and had stayed at ours a max of 3 times that year.

Of course you need the space for yourself.

This.

Absolutely bonkers.

What a twat you are with.