Feel like my SD hates me at times

[Jenni3057]

My SD is 13. At times she’s an angel and I feel we’re really bonding. At other times I feel like she hates me. I feel I do go above and beyond and in honesty and do more than my DH expects. For example making her lunch and dinner, doing her bedding tidying her room etc. However when it comes to her dad it’s almost like she’s extremely over protective of him. She will do things like stare if her dad dare gives me a cuddle or kisses me on the cheek. We went to an event where they asked all couples to dance. I was dancing with my DH and she was staring the whole time. I felt bad and told her to join us and then left her to just dance with her dad. Half way through the next song she then comes up to me and said ‘you can have him back now’ I just laughed this off but with the recent daggers wonder if there was more to the comment. Has anyone else had this issue and if so how did you resolve it? She has younger brothers who are amazing with me so not too sure if it’s the hormonal stage she’s going through right now. I love my DH dearly and I really care about my step children but finding this stage quite hard.

Wait, what? You met her for the first time in February and now live with her dad and call him your husband when he’s not?!

My DC met my partner for the first time in January this year. I think he’s stayed over four times when they’ve been here since. He definitely wouldn’t call them his step-DC yet.

You’re moving way too fast for her.

She's a teenager who's just had a practical stranger move in, she's going to find it tough going. There's been no priority placed on the children's needs here. Her dad needs to go back to doing all the things he did before, you certainly need to stay out of her bedroom.

Oh the Op won’t be back

i just hope the children in this scenario don’t have too much of a disrupted childhood because a father t that introduces them to a girlfriend and then within 5months they’re living with that girlfriend - is not exactly father of the year

She’s scared you’re going to take him away from her. You need to let her have time alone with her dad every day.

I can’t believe you can’t see this yourself. And yes, this has moved too fast. Poor girl. More selfish adults not putting the children first.

She’s 13. All teens hate their parents at times. This is a teen thing not a DSD thing.

Like others have said, this doesn't seem to have been handled with the children's needs in mind. She doesn't know you, it's all been too much, too fast and that's really hard for a child of any age.

My ex moved his girlfriend in 3 months after DD met her step Mum aged 3. They went from nothing to ''we are a family'' in a blink of an eye lid. It's been a rough ride and never recovered unfortunately beyond around age 5-7 where step mum bought her every Barbie on the planet. She's now a teenager and these are the things that really bother her...

• Insisting they must do everything as a family ( over the last 10 plus years she has never spent time with her Dad alone)
• Anything remotely perceived as ''parenting''
• Kissing, cuddling, hugging etc with her Father
• ''treating her like a baby'' - i.e. making her bed
• touching / moving anything in her room
• Talking to her about anything 'private' - like puberty, periods etc
• Any comment whatsoever about her clothes, style, body shape, weight
• Any perceived or actual ''invasion of privacy''

Teenagers are unreasonable by nature so it's fair to say she looks for issues in addition to the above. My advice is step back, way back and insist he looks after his children. Try and understand this girls world just got turned upside down at a time where she's already trying to deal with lots of change simply because of her age.

My exdh introduced his new gf to my DC on the Saturday, she stayed the night which the teenagers said was weird and awkward, they spend the Sunday morning together, after lunch she went off for a few hours and came back with a lorry with all her belongings. My exdh tried to force her on them so quickly they never got on, the time they spent with him became hell for them as she "doesn't do kids" after they were together 10 months, he had moved from his 4 bed to a 1 bed in a different town and gave up our 50/50 custody and only sees some of the children about 12 hours a month now because of her. I get that you want to be the best step mum possible and have a good relationship with her but seriously slow down before it completely back fires. My DC are aged between 9 and 17 and they hate their dads gf and who he's become. Follow her lead. Don't pressure her. It's still very much early days so not all hope is lost.

Even though it's happened fast I don't think you have intentionally tried to be mum. Maybe what you did you normally do for anyone child and thought maybe if you didn't you seem wrong.

She is 13 and as messed up as it sounds I am only one who should hug , kiss my dad and even dance with him. I am his only girl no one is coming between that. Feeling threatened is natural to feel my SD.

But I wonder if you take a step back this might make her wonder why and maybe ruin this bonding even if it's new. I hope this doesn't affect you and Dp too.

It's still such a new situation for you. So it will be hard can't say it will be easy. I don't know if your planning on having a baby but don't rush that too.