Step daughter is jealous

[Potag]

Not sure how to handle this, but while on holiday last week, after some poor behaviour, DSD (13) came out and admitted that she is jealous of her half brother (2).

She sees her dad most weekends, but (I've never said this to her), he is a typical Disney dad. He pays no interest in her during the week, pays no maintenance as he doesn't work, but come birthday's and christmas, no expense is spared.

Basically, DSD is jealous of the relationship I have with my DS. Her dad left when she was a few months old, so she never had the experiences that her brother is having at such a young age.

I do everything I can for her, but ultimately I'm not her dad, and I'm not trying to be.

It seems that the only thing that would make her feel better, is if I had less of a relationship with DS, which is not going to happen.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I do everything I can for her, but ultimately I'm not her dad, and I'm not trying to be.

It seems that the only thing that would make her feel better, is if I had less of a relationship with DS, which is not going to happen.

She's just realising how shit her own father is. * From 11 on wards kids started realising how well their parents are parenting them as they are able to start making comparisons. *

It's none of your faults and as PP said it's worth mentioning to her mum. I wouldn't go out of your way to act differently to what you do for her as her dad is still around and she still sees him. (I know some kids who refused to see their father at that age because their fathers showed they weren't interested in actually spending time with them when they went round.)

One good thing is that she knows what a husband and father is suppose to do, so hopefully in future she will avoid partners who act like her father and go for ones that act more like you.

I suppose let her continue to express her feelings, help her understand them better, possibly that she's might not be entirely jealous of her DB, just angry about her own father, some rationalisation that young children need more time and help but without appearing to dismiss her feelings. That sometimes it's better to see relationships with new children as 'and' rather than 'or' and she may welcome a healthy relationship with her brother when they're adults but not easy for any of you. She might be feeling the same about the new-ish arrival if they were full sibs. Good luck.

The OP is this girl's stepfather, not her mum.

Does her mum spend some 1:1 time with her? It's important they still get quality time together.

I was around her age when i started to realise the comparisons between my messed up family and that of my friends.

Neither of my parents made the effort they should have, going between homes meant something was often forgotten.

I was a really unkempt child, and this was the time I really noticed friends who had everything they needed, and were really nurtured in a way I wasn't.

Your DSD may be seeing similar differences between you and her dad.

I think it says a lot about your relationship that she came out and said this to you. She feels safe enough in your home to express this. In you she sees what a proper parent looks like when she sees you and your DS. Then she compares that to her relationship with her dad and rightly thinks, Oi hang on what gives? I’m getting screwed over here. Her feelings are totally legitimate and not of the jealous of the baby nature. Your DH needs to address this, not make her feel bad for feeling it. If anything he owes her an apology. But we’ll done you creating an environment where she felt able and safe to express her view