CMS question & new baby

[Rosebella215]

Hi all,
This may go down like a lead balloon, as all CMS questions seem to, but we are really after some helpful advice please.
My partner & I had lived together for 3 years and are expecting this October :) He has a DSD (8) who he pays his ex child maintenance for. This was never done officially through CMS, at the beginning of their split they sat down using the CMS calculator, worked out the rough number of nights he would be having DSD, with his salary etc and the payment roughly came to £435 (which he rounded up to £450), and he has been paying this for 4 years now (no issues).
Since we knew we were expecting, he would like to have this taken into account with CMS as it will help massively with costs etc. Based on the previous figures of how much he has DSD, this puts the amount at around £380 a month (he did actually add up an average figure of how much we have DSD over the past 4 years and it does technically trickle into the next bracket, which again would reduce payments further, but we aren't going to rock the boat too much with this, as would mean payments would be around £150 less).
He approached this with his ex, and shared the CMS calculation of £380, and she has kicked off threatening with legal action.
What are the next steps with this please? Can the CMS be reduced? Does my partner go through the official CMS route now?
Thank you!

The way I see it is that if you were a family with no SDC and existing DC, if you chose to have another the pot is spread further. That's the way it works.

As for the exDW, shes just going to have to adjust. If you're of childbearing age this couldn't have come as too much of a surprise. Plus, she has a financial responsibility to her own DC too.

We use the CMS, both for CM that I receive and CM that my partner pays. Not a penny more or less - that way it is what it is and stops toxic negotiation attempts.

Reduce it if you're prepared for the fall out.

As the mum is pretty pissed off, I assume that she wasn’t asked beforehand how she would feel about the whole situation. ffs why on earth should she be consulted about the baby?

Anyway OP. Was there any sort of written agreement about the maintenance? If not then go through CMS.

He could lose his job any day and not be able to pay maintenance. So she needs to get used to it varying. Could be in her favour, could not.

I'd be weary about averaging out the 4 years for overnight contact calculations. Do it based on the current pattern for the year.

The CMS doesn't reduce by half or anything as dramatic as that so I think it's fair enough. As long as he's delaring his true income even if it goes up.

Has his exw gone on to have any more children?

echoing what everyone else has posted about going through CMS.

Just go via CMS, they will also calculate and deduct more based on the nights per year etc.

It is just a proportionate split of the fathers income between his children which is entirely fair.

It's two cheeks of the same arse really - he doesn't get to decide (or even be told) how she spends the money once he sends it, and she doesn't get to decide how he runs his life, even if it affects how much CM he is liable for.
She does not have a legal leg to stand on and it's better to keep things as they are if possible, however the undeniable fact of the matter is that OPs baby is of equal importance and if things need to be adjusted then that's what has to happen, regardless of hurt feelings or tantrums.

It's two cheeks of the same arse really I love this phrase

When you split you gain many things and you lose many thing.

You lose control over what happens in your ex's house, how he spends his money and free time and how many children he decides to have or if he will get remarried.

I know the MN of this world would have you believe all first wives are like this but if my ex and his wife have a baby and needed to reduce maintenance so be it 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I would bring a gift for the baby because I understand this is something I have to control over. But the way people view that type of mentality on here is like admitting your believe in unicorns and are indeed a unicorn.

I'm not a saint I'm just fairly practical. All children need to be provided for equally. First doesn't mean first and most important ect

Go through the CMS, it saves the arguments. Although, when my ex asked CMS to review his payments as they'd had another child, he actually ended up paying MORE as it hadn't been reviewed in such a long time, so it may not actually go in your favour.

They usually review it every year.

And I don't think they're currently going through CMS so I don't think that's a concern in this particular case.

You have every right to reduce cms when you have your child.

Go through CMS and let them do all the leg work.

Ok maybe DM should drop the children at their DFs house . Why is it only the DM who is responsible for the children's expenses ? If a man isn't willing to support his children he can definitely do it to another woman.

Yup fair enough if she wishes to renegotiate the custody so dad has them more she can go ahead.

DM should never really rely on CMS payments if possible, it’s not stable enough and too many variables

So by the same token, the OP really shouldn't be relying on the father of her child to support their child?

Child maintenance should be something that can be relied upon, with the exception of unexpected illness or disability. It should not be the case that we tell women to consider it the case that they have sole responsibility for the financial support of.their children. It really is time we stopped absolving men of their financial obligations when there is another parent. I have a whole host of insurances in place to try and ensure something happening to me will have minimal impact on my children, their home and their activities. Why is the same not expected of my ex?

So by the same token, the OP really shouldn't be relying on the father of her child to support their child? not solely no. I believe there should be a back up plan.

its completely different

No. It's not. Children are a joint commitment. You should be able to rely on the other parent to make a fair, financial contribution. All parents should be doing what they can to minimise the impact of job loss, illness and disability on their children. There should be no discussion or debate. The fact there is shows how poorly so many children are treated in this country.

It was a risk she took when they split up

Some really strange comparisons here suggesting one shouldn't have more children if it will negatively affect (financially) what's available for the first. Unless you have a lot of disposable income then surely this will always be the case?

We've just had our second. This means I'm now buying second hand clothes for my eldest, we're now going on holiday in the uk rather than abroad this year, we've cut down streaming services to just Disney plus and I'm now buying food from Aldi rather than sainsburys (amongst other things)

These are all due to money having to go further. But does this mean the quality of life of my eldest is reduced?

And I'd be interested if the ex has gone on to have more kids and therefore made her money stretch further too.

OP he can reduce it and it sounds like he should look at what cms says in his soon to be new circumstances

No you can still split up and expect your child's parent to make a contribution. I'm actually not bothered about him reducing CMS as that's the law but 2nd marriages also need to have a hard think. If he can swan off and not be bothered about supporting his first set of DC , he could easily do that again to the 2nd set. I would hope no one would want to reproduce with a man like that

I don't think anyone disagrees that you should be able to rely on it. Of course you should but the harsh reality is often you can't.

And nobody is absolving anyone of their responsibility, just saying a man should support all his children, not just the first one.

Sorry, who's swanning off and not paying for his children?

Not the ops husband?