Has anyone ever taken DSC away on holiday themselves without parents?

[Elevenstranger]

I'm a teacher and like to make the most of the summer holidays. My family are also from another country in Europe. Most now live here in the UK but some are still over there, as well as many of my friends as I lived there a number of years so I like to visit often. Obviously with covid the last couple of summers haven't been the same so this is the first one I feel like I can really take advantage of.

I have 2 SSs who live with us full time. I also have a child with my DH. DSSs can be hard work at times in the way many children can be but are generally pretty lovely kids and we have a good relationship. DH works long hours and starts really early so it's typically me getting them up and ready for school every day. I also collect them and do dinner, homework, etc until DH comes home then he will get them to bed most nights (although sometimes they'll ask for me so I will). I don't begrudge this but it limits what I can do hence why I really want to make the most of my holidays when I get them. The boys are likely going to spend half the holidays with their mum and half with us so my plan for this summer had been to go camping in a particular place in the UK I've always wanted to go with my own child while they are with their mum and then all of us as a family go to my family town for the rest of the time. My DSSs have never been but always say how much they want to go and I know that they would love it there.

The last few weeks DH has been stalling whenever I mentioned summer plans and I knew he was going to tell me he might not be able to go on holiday due to work as I could see it heading that way with things that were happening at his job. Tonight he finally told me he needs to work all summer.

Thing is because I'm a teacher and won't be working I know that the expectation is going to be on me to look after them. I've already decided that I'm not doing this. I spend all year doing the lion's share of the care (which I know people will comment on in itself but it is what it is, my partner can't change his hours- he did try- he's currently doing training to get work which will be better hours to change this) but I'm not giving up my summer holiday to stay at home and look after them.

What I'm debating in my head though is if I should suggest to DH that they still come away with me to my family hometown. As I said, they would love it and I also have my friends and family there as support and who can help out (in fact I'd have more support there than I do where we currently live). Has anyone ever taken their DSC on holiday without their parent? If so how did it go? Any issues at the airport? DH and I don't share the same surname which could make it more difficult but I'm sure there are ways around that.

@Vsirbdo if the mother has parental responsibility then she must sign to agree unless there is paperwork to the contrary. Passport control have strict rules due to child trafficking and depending on which airport and which officer you see they can and probably should stop you entering the country. I fell fell foul of this while travelling through Europe a few years ago, we were detained quite a while, a signed letter would not be enough.

That is also the case if one parent is travelling abroad with the children, where the name is different. I’ve seen mothers calling their DP back in the U.K. stuck at passport control with their own child.

I take a properly completed, signed and witnessed form. I take copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates and I even take a photocopy of one of the parents passport. I pass through no bother now but I have seen plenty people refused.

Some of the reply's just show that so many people can't see past a nuclear family. It takes more than biology to be a parent, the op is clearly a parent to these children, no matter how she came into their lives.

I'm sure the children will do just fine going away with a loving step mum who has taken on a parental role, allowing the dad to continue his training for the benefit of the whole family.

Those children are damn lucky to have you @Elevenstranger.

You sound like a lovely step mum

👏👏👏👏👏

I think it sounds like an amazing plan and you're a great stepmum.

Some of the reply's just show that so many people can't see past a nuclear family. It takes more than biology to be a parent, the op is clearly a parent to these children, no matter how she came into their lives

All well and good. The OP will still need to ensure she has the correct paperwork in place - get mum's permission - or she may run into problems. She may well be a great parent but there is much more at stake here if it goes wrong.

I wasn't commenting on the paperwork, I was commenting on the fact that some people thought the children could just go to the mums, when it's been clear from the beginning that this wouldn't be appropriate.

Just make sure that you have a letter of permission from both parents and a copy of each parent's passport so the border guards can check the signatures.

I use this website when I take my DC away (divorced from their dad): www.lawdepot.co.uk/contracts/child-travel-consent/

Sorry, have been busy all day so just catching up with this thread now.

Thank you so much for the positive messages.

Just to respond to some of the other points and questions:

The suggestion of DH taking time to come over for a long weekend is a great one and may actually be possible so I'll suggest it!

The holiday clubs idea would be a good one for most children and could be a possibility in the future but I know they wouldn't cope with that right now.

And thank you for the advice on the documentation.

I had another idea - I was thinking about what DH would do if they couldn't come and I know that it would end up being his mum who would watch them but that she would need to take time off from work to do so (and she has said in the past that she would love to do that sometime). So then I thought, if she is taking time off work anyway, we could invite her with us. I know it wouldn't change the need for a letter from their mum or the documentation but it would be good for them to have her there as well and good for me to have her around plus we all get to spend time together. It would also hopefully make it become and feel a place for them to be with their family and not just mine. And maybe their mum would be more amenable to agreeing for their gran to take them away than just me.
I've suggested it to DH and he thinks it's a great idea so he's going to speak to his mum about it first then we can take it from there. Fingers crossed!

Just a note to say that you sound lovely and that is a great idea - more hands the better !

Op, you sound like a very kind and involved stepmum. I hope your DH appreciates that you doing the vast majority of all childcare is not the default for most blended families.

Thanks @candlesandpitchforks and @DefiniteTortoise and everyone else previously for the kind comments. It's genuinely really appreciated because it's bloody hard being a step-parent sometimes, in all honesty I think it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done (and I've not had the easiest life). My DH is always really appreciative but I'm an overthinker so I'm always questioning if I'm doing right by DSSs and by our DD so it's nice to get some reassurance from others too.

You are a great stepmum @Elevenstranger, your DH landed on his feet with you! Not only do you do the bulk of the day to day care, you are also offering to take his DC on holiday, AND his DM! I hope he is suitably grateful for how much you do to support him.

You sound like a wonderful stepmom who goes above and beyond. Your DH is very lucky to have you.

I know however from experience that unless you have a 'Lives With' Child Arrangement Court Order you need written consent from both parents.

I have done and it’s fine, so unless their Ma would particularly want them, crack on.

Make sure that partner of yours isn’t taking you for a ride though, you do appear to be a bit of an unpaid housekeeper / nanny.

I took DS1 (technically DSS) away several times, and my DH took my two DDs away as well.

we always just carried a letter from the other and our marriage cert just to show the link. It’s also easy enough when the kids are old enough to be able to say “She’s my step-mum” if asked.

This.

It's a lovely idea OP. I hope their mother agrees.