AIBU - don't want their old toys

[BaaMoon]

I have a shared DC with DH and he has 2 children from previous relationship. We've done ok so far and I've been able to mostly enjoy the FTM experience. However the DSC keep bringing old toys from their Mum's house for DC and I am getting frustrated as they are really old and a lot of the time broken. I don't know where they have been stored. I do pick up 2nd hand stuff from the charity shop or other people who have kids but it feels like mum is using our house as a dumping ground. DH thinks it's sweet they think of DC but I'm losing my patience with it. AIBU? (Not posted there as frankly they slaughter you there just for being a stepmum).

Bless them, they’re trying to be nice! Just put them away somewhere and get rid of them once they’ve forgotten about them.

Can you find out from dsc if their mum has suggested it. Can't you encourage them to take the toys home? Or just fling them out when they aren't looking.

I don't know if they are though or if its just mum going oooh a pile of crap I'll send it to Baby BaaMoon.

Might have to do that, and then send crap to their mums house.

Sorry but that sounds more like them trying to help, their mum too. Why think negatively, anyway they might be useful later

Ugh, I had this OP, ex trying to assert control was behind it all…. I just smiled and dumped at as soon as they left. I understand why you don’t want it, there’s enough you have to ‘share’ as it is.

When my step children brought over boxes for the baby I thanked them and asked if there was anything they'd want back. Those things went home with them. I kept what wasn't too broken and threw out what couldn't go to charity or be mended etc.

Just thank them and then when they’re not looking get rid. Chances are they’re just trying to be nice. My eldest always brings his old toys from his dads ( and I know hell would freeze over before ex gave my new kids toys) so it’s just him trying to be kind but some of them are crap and we don’t have space.

not quite the same but my SIL was constantly giving me bags and bags of toys and clothes all dirty in terrible condition like she was doing me a favour (not asked for or needed) despite me saying no more thanks so i just got rid after

anyway they might be useful later

1.doubt it

1. If they were things I wanted I can source them myself without having to clean and scrub them becuase they are old and dirty

Bin it or send it back with them. I’ve had literally mouldy things given to me before that are broken or beyond need of a simple clean.I’m grateful of the kind thoughts and that’s what matters. But the stuff is just stuff and sometimes it just has to go.

not quite the same but my SIL was constantly giving me bags and bags of toys and clothes all dirty in terrible condition like she was doing me a favour (not asked for or needed) despite me saying no more thanks so i just got rid after yes! It's very similar to this. And clothes that would have fitted like 6 months ago...

Right OK seems like I might just have to be honest with them. They are both over 10 so think they'd be able to handle it. Something like, you don't want it yourself and its all dirty and broken so either take it back to your mums or dad can take it to the dump for her.

Do you think maybe the kids are attached to their old toys and would rather pass them on and sort of "save" them from the bin? If you think that is possible, don't bin them - your house might be tidier, but your life will be messier if you damage your relationship with SC

But yes, you could tell them, or their mum, not to bring more

Ahh possibly. They do have boxes of old toys their mum has told them to bring here. Thing is their room is much smaller than at their mums so it's fast filling with boxes

My eldest loves passing her things onto the youngest (big age gap), but she had looked after her things so they were in pretty good condition.

could you maybe get the big ones involved ; “ohh it’s so kind of you to bring this for baby, can you help me clean it up for them?” If they have to clean up the toys at yours / check for missing bits etc then they might be more fussy about what they bring in future. It can help them to see that what was fun a few years ago might no longer be suitable for playing with, but all done in a nice way that pitches then as the super-kind helpful big siblings.

If they want to save them, they could easily save them at their mum’s house.

this is the usual logic of ‘mum is doing something that upsets the kids and inconveniences you, but you’d better put up with it so they’re happy’ we see on MN.

passing a conflict with your child on to their NRP’s household is not fair. ‘I don’t want these toys in my house. The kids want to keep them. Giving them to their dad for younger children will displace the problem for me.’

Why don't you just say to them 'oh it's so kind of you to have brought this for ds but it's broken/very dirty and so could be dangerous for him as he's very little'. Then put it out somewhere and throw it in then bin when they leave. This way hopefully they start to understand not to bring dirty/broken things as 'presents'?

passing a conflict with your child on to their NRP’s household is not fair. ‘I don’t want these toys in my house. The kids want to keep them. Giving them to their dad for younger children will displace the problem for me.’ I am thinking there may be an element of this tbh. We have had things like shoes their feet don’t fit in but it will be YEARS until they fit DC but when DH has said something like no we'll have to put them in charity they've got a bit upset and so now they live in the bottom of their cupboard

I've gad a few bits come from dsc when they were little. I simply said that we didn't have the room to store them, took one or two to save offence of the dsc but sent the others back to their house. It soon stopped!

Urgh I would firmly say no to old shoes and clothes that won't fit for years! I'm really not one for secondhand stuff either so it's defo a no from me 😂 I'd send them straight back to their mums house

I don't want to come across as if their stuff isn't good enough for my little one but frankly it isn't good enough for anyone so maybe I should!

We've had this and we don't even have any other DC. DSC have plenty of toys at our house but periodically their DM has a clear out and sends them to us with a massive bag of crappy half broken toys, cheap teddies won at the fair, McDonalds Happy Meal tat, half used colouring books, stuff DSC doesn't even particularly want.

She doesn't drive and I strongly suspect they are just offloaded on us to avoid a trip to the charity shop on the bus! Whenever DH tries to refuse it's all well 'I don't have enough room for all this stuff here and DSC would really love to keep this at your house'. We used to keep it for a few weeks then slowly get rid bit by bit so DSC didn't notice.

It’s also ok to want your own stuff for your child. Not stuff chosen by your husband’s ex.

DSDs mum certainly does this so I just get rid of them or put them in the garage after a few days. It’s very annoying basically being her tip service