Co parenting

[Yelloworange1111]

Hello,

Step mummy here. My husband and his ex have been separated (and living apart) for 5 years now.

My step son who is just about to turn 6 has been getting quite emotional at bed time that he misses his mummy and asks to FaceTime her. We try to avoid it but let him in the morning if he still wants to. Today he got upset when his dad picked him up that he was going to miss his mummy (so she gave him a picture).

Not sure what to do in this situation. We have them one week Monday (sleepover) and then Friday - Sunday and the next week just Wednesday (sleepover).

I don't want him to be sad when he comes to our house. He has his own bedroom and all of his own clothes and toothbrush etc here so it should hopefully feel like home. We always make plans for something fun with our time (bike rides, skate park, movie nights, board games etc).

Any suggestions?

Let him be sad and comfort him. Acknowledge that it's hard to be away from mum. It's perfectly natural and normal and you need to get comfortable with allowing him to express it.

I wouldn't be keen to be doing FaceTime AT bedtime either, though. Have a fixed time for it away from bedtime. It's very over-stimulating.

Maybe you can arrange with his mum to send him a good night message. When I have to work late I always try and call just for a couple of minutes, or send a quick text if I can’t call. Not sure if X always shows it to DC, but DC are always in my thoughts even if I am working, as I have told them face to face

I dated a guy with a young child. They spoke every evening to just talk through the day and say good night. Calls were a couple minutes to longer depending. Why not have a set time before the mum goes out? Just for a quick catch up or whatever?

Thank you SO much everyone for your suggestions. It's so useful to have help from so many people 💜

We're going to keep the picture at our house next to the bed and see how that goes. Also going to make sure we reassure him that it's okay to miss mummy (and other people when you're not around them) and that what he feels is totally normal.

He was actually fine last night and hasn't said anything at all today so far 😊 generally he's a very happy boy. He very rarely gets upset and he never gets angry bless him.

Not sure if it makes a difference but he does have a sister (7) / my step daughter that also shares the same routine with time at our house and time at their mums house. She's quite different, she'd be happy to walk out the door without even saying goodbye 😂

Hi there,
sorry I’m not sure if this a comment or it’s own post as I’m not sure how to start a thread.
basically I’m 20 weeks pregnant and despite the abuse and online slandering I’ve received from my ex, I’ve offered him to stay with the baby for the first two weeks at my house (given he can be civil and not create a hostile environment for my three year old) to which he has responded “he doesn’t have a duty of care to her and he will not be looking to appease her” I’ve also said he can see her often and as she gets into a routine he can take her for a while building upto a few hours as she feeds less (I’ll be bf)
I suggested overnight stays begin at 6 months given the baby is okay with taking bottles and I’m able to express, I said I’d be open to discussing this and changing as suitable.
he has said that he doesn’t agree with my suggestion whatsoever, thinks I’m being unreasonable and wants to settle things with a lawyer to have 2 nights and 3 full days a week. Which of course I will not be agreeing to. I have been more than reasonable and have tried to come to an agreement between us but he insists on being spiteful and disagreeable.
he is not a nice person and while I won’t go into details, I knew this would happen the minute we split up he threatened court so I have lots of evidence of him calling my daughter ugly, gaslighting me and slandering me online.
any advice please? I’m fairly confident that I’ve been sound with him a court would probably grant him less than what I’ve offered. Or anyone coparented with a narcissist from birth and can tell me what to expect?
thanks in advance

We found that letting DSD call her mum when upset made it worse (in part because her mum made it worse) but a phone call to say good night an hour or so before bed would help her. We noticed missing mum came in phases and often when there was changes either at mums or ours or school which just generally unsettled her