TV time

[oneandonly95]

Prepared to get a grilling as most do on the step-parenting topic and I am likely over reacting but am I right in saying to my OH tomorrow that I want to have a chill day in the lounge, watching whatever I want on the tv for however long I want on my day off for once?!

Basically- DSD (5) lives here with us 70% of the time and when she is here its constant TV. It's all she does and OH seems to not care (I have mentioned it before to him but hey ho nothing changes so what can you do) and even when she is playing with her toys (rarely) the TV is on crappy kids tv mainly silent YouTube videos whenever she is here.

DSD isn't going to her mums as her OH has tested positive for Covid. Fine makes sense she stays here but that was my two days of freedom to watch what I want when I please without being moaned at to turn it off.

Am I over reacting? Just feel like when she is here my only option is to sit upstairs.

How much tv is too much? Or isn't there such a thing.

Just. Want. To. Relax.

@TinyLittlePandaSneeze
Regrettably, the 5 year old has no choice of the type or quality of stimulation provided by the adults in the household.

Not trying to derail the thread, OP, but do you enjoy using with OH and his DD? Did he move into your house? Just asking asking as I wonder if needing some TV time is just the tip of the iceberg…

I'm not stating DSD to never watch tv. I'm trying to state that she has stupid amounts of toys she could play with for a few hours instead of just staring into a screen on the weekends and after school.

And of course adults watch tv in the day or in my case an hour or so after work at 4.

@MeridianB I think the issue is we have her here a lot. If it was every other weekend I could deal with it. But when the tv is on from 7am-7pm weekends with us (minus if we go out anywhere
of course) and then after school till 7:30pm bedtime it's a lot.

I encourage her to do other things like play with her toys and sit and do craft with her also but if I don't then it is just TV and at the end of the day it's not my job to entertain all the time.

Again - has her father any interest in her? Any sense of responsibility for her development?

I think between actual tv and YouTube now young children get far far too much tv. I’d set aside two half an hour blocks or something max 🙈 It’s not so much the watching tv thing that’s a problem for them (obviously it is for you because you want to watch it), it’s the fact when we were that age if we had a tv we’d have to just choose from 5 programmes and usually there wasn’t even one kids one on but if there was, great! Day made!

I’m a teacher and we say this all the time at work but children have access to anything they could possibly want at their finger tips now between tv, games and youtube. They don’t have to wait for anything. They don’t have to sit through anything they’re not enjoying, if they get even slightly bored of something they’ll put it off before the end now and switch to something else. Why on earth would they want to sit and listen to the ‘exciting’ powerpoint I’ve prepared if they don’t even manage to watch their own YouTube video? Even as an adult I have found this and it totally wastes my enjoyment of films etc now. Used to be you went to blockbuster, picked a film, couldn’t wait to get home to watch it and you enjoyed it right to the end. Now I’ll go on Netflix, maybe get bored half way through or spend most of it on my phone. It really annoys me 🙈 It just makes us have no resilience or patience anymore and children are being brought up like this now. At uni I studied child development and before 3 years of age any screen time at all can damage a child’s brain. My child is just a baby but I’m adamant that he can be kicking and screaming in a restaurant in a few years time and I will not give him an iPad of phone to sit and mindlessly watch 😂 he can make conversation, read a book, play with toys, do a sticker book or colouring in instead.

I’m not saying a 5 year old should have absolutely no tv time but I would tell them to choose one programme to watch then once it’s finished you get it back again while they do other things.

OP, it might be helpful to realize that electronic devices are now learning tools for kids in much the same way that books were in a different time. Many schools no longer provide hard copy text books. The books and tutorials are all provided electronically. Games and puzzles can be done electronically, instructions for crafts are available electronically, discussions about how to treat friends are available electronically.

Electronics are not just a source of entertainment but also a great and much used learning tool.

@GrazingSheep

Again - has her father any interest in her? Any sense of responsibility for her development?

As much as he is a good person I think he has just become lazy with it all.

Poor kid. I feel very sorry for her

@MyDcAreMarvel

Adults don’t really watch tv n the daytime though unless it’s xmas day or they are sick. Is she up very late op?

What a weird comment. Yes they do.

I encourage her to do other things like play with her toys and sit and do craft with her also but if I don't then it is just TV and at the end of the day it's not my job to entertain all the time. she is so lucky to have you in her life and you are right it's not your job. So I hope your OH is grateful.

@oneandonly95 I was in a similar position to you, and even felt uncomfortable going into the main room (which had the tv in) when DSC was with us as they had become used to having that room as theirs.

DH and I tried to change things so put in (generous) daily screen time limits and tried to change the dynamics. It wasn’t very successful, I suspect because at DSC DM house they didn’t have similar rules.

Whilst I would do things differently if it was my own DC, a tablet might be the best way forward or other TV for them, but you should definitely be able to the room to yourself at times when DSC is with you...

I wouldn't be dictated to by any child, mine or step as to what is on the main tv all day long. They have bedrooms and toys, the lounge is my area to relax. Kids go elsewhere or sit and watch what I want.

I’d stay in bed and watch TV myself, I’d find that more enjoyable because I would be totally uninterrupted!

@123namey

I think between actual tv and YouTube now young children get far far too much tv. I’d set aside two half an hour blocks or something max 🙈 It’s not so much the watching tv thing that’s a problem for them (obviously it is for you because you want to watch it), it’s the fact when we were that age if we had a tv we’d have to just choose from 5 programmes and usually there wasn’t even one kids one on but if there was, great! Day made!

I’m a teacher and we say this all the time at work but children have access to anything they could possibly want at their finger tips now between tv, games and youtube. They don’t have to wait for anything. They don’t have to sit through anything they’re not enjoying, if they get even slightly bored of something they’ll put it off before the end now and switch to something else. Why on earth would they want to sit and listen to the ‘exciting’ powerpoint I’ve prepared if they don’t even manage to watch their own YouTube video? Even as an adult I have found this and it totally wastes my enjoyment of films etc now. Used to be you went to blockbuster, picked a film, couldn’t wait to get home to watch it and you enjoyed it right to the end. Now I’ll go on Netflix, maybe get bored half way through or spend most of it on my phone. It really annoys me 🙈 It just makes us have no resilience or patience anymore and children are being brought up like this now. At uni I studied child development and before 3 years of age any screen time at all can damage a child’s brain. My child is just a baby but I’m adamant that he can be kicking and screaming in a restaurant in a few years time and I will not give him an iPad of phone to sit and mindlessly watch 😂 he can make conversation, read a book, play with toys, do a sticker book or colouring in instead.

I’m not saying a 5 year old should have absolutely no tv time but I would tell them to choose one programme to watch then once it’s finished you get it back again while they do other things.

Totally agree with this and say it a lot. It’s also a regular thing on this board, that people should say ‘how high’ when SC say ‘jump’. And I hate it.

Teaching kids patience, to wait, take turns and not have eveyrhting their way is a life skill!

My own DC get this at our house as do my SC but they don’t get it at their other parents. My own ex jumps to what they want all the time probably due to NRP guilt but I wish he wouldn’t it does them no favours and when they come back they moan cause it’s different here.

OP I think it’s fine for you to want to watch TV we have TVs in most room (most of the DC are older) but the living room TV is ours. The kids watch it occasionally but it’s ours first and if one of us wants to watch something then they go do something else.

I also say to DP if I have some time off work and my own DC are with their dad but we end up with his DC when not expected that I am doing what I want to do. If I’ve booked time off it’s so I can relax and so if he has his DC that’s his responsibility and it’s the same the other way round. I don’t mind doing some stuff with them but I am not becoming default parent because I’m off, my time off is booked for me.

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Urgh. Another lazy dad opting out of parenting. Why does he have her 70% when he doesn’t actually want to parent her?

plenty of parents rely too much on TV, not just dads, should they all give up their kids?

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Urgh. Another lazy dad opting out of parenting. Why does he have her 70% when he doesn’t actually want to parent her?

In my DSSs mums house they watch 2-3 movies a day and have tech time ( games console or tablets) every day during the holidays. They also watch a few episode of TV every day after school. I don't think DSS is lying about this as I have never seen the TV off in that house ( do multiple collections) and have mutual friends who have said the same. like @jsl52 said plenty of parents rely too heavily on TV. Is this grounds for DSS to be removed from his mothers care? For what it's worth I dont blame her for letting her kids watch too much TV however I do restrict it here both with DS and DSS.

That is SOOOO much TV for a child.

He needs to spend way more time with her, playing games, getting outside, etc.

I’d be inclined to have a calm chat with him about how things could change and if that didn’t work, I’d be reconsidering whether I wanted to live together.

@MyDcAreMarvel what an odd comment to make, of course they do.

OP I’m not even sure I’d discuss it with your DP, on a regular basis I’d just say “I’m going to watch my programme now” and change over (essentially sharing it really). We always did this with DSD who loved the tv at ours as she was never allowed to watch her own stuff at her mums and with my own DC they know that they don’t get to choose what we watch all day. As long as it’s not something that she shouldn’t be watching then what’s the issue

I would get her a tablet and headphones.

Or a TV in her own room.

TV blaring in my living room from morning to evening would make me either move out altogether or smash the damn thing. I suspect not being able to choose your own programming is not even your main problem OP. Could you negotiate with your OH to have an entirely TV free January as a sort of New Year's resolution, sort of a digital detox for everybody?

@time2tork

I would get her a tablet and headphones.

Or a TV in her own room.

Only do this if you are happy for them to watch inappropriate content.

While some parents are happy doing this, if you "allow" it as a step-parent you will get blamed when they do and act like shit.

@Kbyodjs I don’t know anyone who isn’t elderly that watches tv in the daytime other than children. If you are sick or it’s Christmas etc but not just aimlessly watching.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@Kbyodjs I don’t know anyone who isn’t elderly that watches tv in the daytime other than children. If you are sick or it’s Christmas etc but not just aimlessly watching.[/quote]
Aimless watching is aimless watching. It doesn't automatically become aimless simply because it happens in the daytime.

Weird how those on this thread who aren't used to adults watching TV in the daytime are trying to tell us all that it is categorically not normal, rather than simply that they don't know m/any people who do it.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@Kbyodjs I don’t know anyone who isn’t elderly that watches tv in the daytime other than children. If you are sick or it’s Christmas etc but not just aimlessly watching.[/quote]
Just because you don't know anyone who does it , doesn't mean it doesn't happen or there's anything wrong with it.