Ah, crap.

[penguinwithasuitcase]

We live outside the UK, and kids get grades at the end of every term.

DSS (15) just got his back for this last term and he's failed almost every subject (and the three classes he passed were just scraping by - the lowest mark you can get before it becomes a fail). He's never been a great student academically but this is really bad.

Historically I've stayed well out of this conversation between the two of them –DP handles all 'parenting' of DSS –but we're both feeling a bit stupid now after getting him an electric scooter for Christmas (not a small expense) so he can get to and from his martial arts training and school independently.

DP's leaning toward keeping the scooter back (without telling DSS about it so it's not a punishment, but he's also not getting 'rewarded', even indirectly), whereas I'm leaning toward giving it to him to save him travel time to and from school and activities and maximise the time available to him to study...

We're both open to being convinced in the other direction –it's just such a bummer.

What would you do in this situation?

You sound like a lovely step mum.

If he has other presents I’d be tempted to possibly hold this one back if it’s more about responsibility than anything else.

I am in a very similar situation except it’s my DC and my partner DSC.

Same age -15, not completely failing but not acheiving the grades needed or what should be being achieved.

It’s through laziness here too, even the teachers say DC is capable but not putting the effort in. Same as you have done plans, sat helping etc, starts well but then it lapses.

DC is currently in the process of having certain things removed to prevent them wasting time doing this instead of studying. They have missed out on some extra curricular sessions too because if disorganisation/effort. And they’ve been given plenty of help to do it. They are unfortunately just used to things being sorted for them and life being easy that they are currently having a bit of a culture shock and reality check on life with some tough lessons!

So I hear you.

As alone posters have said, I wouldn't link Christmas into academic success.

As an aside, I wouldn't give a 15 year old an electric scooter. Last week I saw the very unpleasant sight of a child of that age slam into metal railings.

Another vote for separating academic performance from gifts. Kids, particularly teens, have to learn to take responsibility for their education & live with the consequences. He made a choice and that resulted in the grades - ultimately he has to live with that. His future choices will influence what happens next, not whether he gets a scooter or not.

It's a case of you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Sometimes a bit of 'failure' can help focus the mind, hard a lesson as that is.

If the scooter wasn't bought in relation to school grades then I would give it to him. It's a Christmas gift, nothing to do with how well he's done at school! Completely separate things and it will just make him confused and angry if you try and make one dependent on the other.