Break up involving step children

[Dontknownow86]

My partner of 5 years and I have just broken up and we are going to need to tell his daughters soon. I'm really stumped on what to do for the best.

He wants me to keep in contact with them and for us to tell them together but I can't see how that would work long term, particularly as I relocated to be with him and am considering if I should move back home or not. I also don't think I'd cope very well seeing him with someone new. I also really dont want the responsibility of telling them it's over as it wasn't my decision.

I'm also feeling quite resentful as he had essentially told me that he kept the relationship going and pretended the was happy so he didn't upset his kids so I feel massively used and this is maybe colouring my view of the situation.

Have any of you done this before? I'm really struggling with what I should be doing.

I’m sorry OP, it sounds like a rubbish situation to be in .

From my prospective as a stepchild, I would have missed my stepmum like mad if she and my dad had split up. If you have a good relationship with them but don’t want to physically see them, could you write to them or something?

They aren’t your responsibility. But if you feel able to continue contact, I would do so.

Could you slowly stop contact rather than do it abruptly? My DSD has been really effected by her mums partner moving out and just never bothering with her again whereas I think if he’d done it more slowly then it wouldn’t have hurt her so much. My DSD was younger when DH split up with his ex but they did it where she saw DSD a handful of times and sent presents on her birthday and contact just then wilted away.

I disagree that you shouldn't tell them. I think you should be part of that so they know from you that it isn't anything they have done.

When my ex and I split we told all 3 kids together, his older 2 and our dd. I am still involved with my dsc even 3.5 years down the line. Contact with me has naturally become less as they are older teens and spend more time with their friends. Dss is now at uni but still texts and rings (usually when he wants to know how to cook something) every so often.

They are young, they will get over it but please consider a gradual reduction of involvement rather than cutting them dead. It's not like you have only been involved a few months, you are their family and have been for a number of years. You need to handle this carefully for their sake not his

I've often wondered whether I'd stay in touch with step-kids in the case of a split and concluded that I for sure would but just obviously wouldn't have them overnight as that would take time away from parents. I have a lovely relationship with them though and they are my daughters siblings. I guess it depends what your relationship is like with them, and what you want? What do you think they'd want?

You're the best judge of why your DP wants you to stay in touch with them/tell them together x

OP, do what feels best for you. His childresw13en are young, and they will adapt. He has dictated your time together. He has chosen the moment and circumstances surrounding your breakup. It is now time for you to take control and determine how or even if you wish to say good bye to his children. He can spin whatever yarn he wishes to with his kids , clearly he is practiced at that. In this moment, as selfish as it may seem, you need to think of yourself first.

His kids have 2 parents who will be there for them. It is you who in the short run may be without support.