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Step-parenting

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Original poster

To have said be needs to keep distance from younger sibling?

52 replies

GloriaBoil · 10/12/2021 14:58

My step son (8) is staying home from school as their best friend in class has tested positive and DH and their Mum wanted to get him tested before sending him back to school. His lateral flow was negative but waiting on the PCR result because he said his head hurt, which he did this morning.

This has resulted in him staying with me all day as I'm at home with our young DD (2) and they are working.

I said to DH last night that I'd really prefer it if he could speak to DSS and just explain that whilst we wait for the result to come back I'd really prefer him not to be playing closely with DD, picking her up etc which he normally does and could DH just have a chat with him before he leaves for work.

DH thinks I'm being really unfair and unwelcoming and I can't segregate DSS in the house.

I've not suggested separating anyone, it's not like I'm saying he needs to stay shut in his room obviously! Just that he keeps a relative distance from DD, not in her face, playing with all her toys, hugging/picking her up etc.

AIBU!?

OP posts:
StormyTeacups · 10/12/2021 18:22

We said the same to my daughter and her full siblings. We didn't segregate her but asked her not to get up in her siblings' faces. Common sense I'd have thought

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/12/2021 18:26

If he’s expecting you to do the childcare it’s got to be on your terms. You’re in charge, you get to make these decisions in the interests of your very young child and if he won’t back you up you don’t look after him on your own again. See how he likes that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/12/2021 18:28

He already says things about me being "more bothered about DD" and I imagine this would just have added fuel to that.

He’s a dick. You need to knock that shit on the head immediately. You have one child. She’s always going to be your priority. He’s a fucking idiot if he doesn’t see that and I’d stop doing him anymore fucking favours.

TheVanguardSix · 10/12/2021 18:29

I mean, YANBU at all, but it's a virus. It's going to be all over the house if you're not isolating him, so it's a bit of a moot point, avoiding playing wither her, hugging her, and kissing her. He'll be using the same loo, opening the fridge, sharing space on the sofa. I think the horse has bolted, tbh. Still, your caution IS sensible and I'd feel the same way (I'd actually be isolating him as much as possible until the results are back).
But on a positive note, it is true that one person in the family can have Covid and the rest won't get it. Hopefully, he's in the clear! That would be the best news!
We've had lots of headcolds and sore throats/sore heads the past couple of weeks. Half of DS's class and his teacher had Covid. He didn't. It's weird. But we got lucky.
Sending you healthy vibes. Flowers
I know it's for another thread, but I just wanted to give you a sympathy hug. I came into a marriage with my own DS and went on to have two more children. It's not easy dealing with stepchild politics. I feel for you. I hope you and your DH don't clash too much over step-parenting issues. It can be so draining, I know.

Greenmarmalade · 10/12/2021 18:31

Won’t make a bit of difference if they’re in the same house all day breathing the same air.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 10/12/2021 19:22

He doesn't actually seem to care about DD so it's good job she has you looking out for her.

Ps. Stop being his childcare

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 10/12/2021 19:23

Tell DSS yourself. You're allowed to protect your own child

candlelightsatdawn · 10/12/2021 20:04

@Greenmarmalade

Won’t make a bit of difference if they’re in the same house all day breathing the same air.
How can you say it so it make a difference ? Have you got statics to say one situation is x percentage likely and if you just let them bundle together it's y ?

This is about managing risk and Op hasn't gone mad on either end of the scale.

You doing fine, your DH sounds like 🛎 end though xxx

mummytotwoboys0600 · 10/12/2021 21:32

Personally I believe this boy should have been at home with his mum whilst awaiting results. The idea is you don't mix houses.
My other half's children had covid and we didn't let them anywhere near our house whilst they were waiting pcr results and were isolating. It's sensible to keep a distance.
I certainly wouldn't be childminding this child whilst waiting for the results.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 10/12/2021 21:35

Of my 5 dc here only 3 got covid. Dd stayed in her room. Positive dd packed off to another positive family member. Ds both stayed in their rooms. Youngest never got it and was told to keep a distance from all of them!! Can be done if careful. Yanbu but always comes across as being spiteful from a sm!!

harryclr · 10/12/2021 22:19

YANBU at all

My SD had a horrid cough/cold (she had a PCR test too so we had a day of waiting) and I told her to stay clear of my 18 month old and myself as I was due to give birth any day and there is no way I wanted us getting sick at that point. i would say the same if she was my daughter too as its common sense to stay clear of others (esp little children) when sick but especially if its potentially covid.

harryclr · 10/12/2021 22:20

@AnneLovesGilbert

He already says things about me being "more bothered about DD" and I imagine this would just have added fuel to that.

He’s a dick. You need to knock that shit on the head immediately. You have one child. She’s always going to be your priority. He’s a fucking idiot if he doesn’t see that and I’d stop doing him anymore fucking favours.

Agreed
Just10moreminutesplease · 10/12/2021 22:24

As long as your not asking to segregate your stepson and he it’s explained kindly, I honestly can’t see a problem with this.

I think lots of people would make the same call with full siblings too (usually a good indication if something is fair!).

RedWingBoots · 10/12/2021 22:31

Your "D"H is an a-hole.

His son is being a normal 8 year old so doesn't know consequences unless they are made clear to each other but would actually be horrified if he made his sister sick.

Luckily with most young children they are completely fine if they catch Covid they tend to be off colour for a bit and have what seems to be a bad cold.

The problem is your 2 year old is more likely to spread it to other people as toddlers touch everyone and everything and are not exactly hygienic. So they can pass it to people who will be much sicker including your "D"H

Oh and stop being a doormat - but you know that already.

Ozanj · 10/12/2021 22:40

Children aren’t expected to isolate from their parents or siblings. To expect him to do so IS cruel.

SoupDragon · 10/12/2021 23:08

@Ozanj

Children aren’t expected to isolate from their parents or siblings. To expect him to do so IS cruel.
No one is expecting him to isolate.
Tattler2 · 10/12/2021 23:08

OP, next time check with your pedestrian or local health department regarding the precautions that you should be taking. Your husband is far less likely to argue or disagree with recommendations from a health care provider than he is to disagree with just your opinions on the subject.

It is unfortunate that you are not given adult in charge status when dealing with a child that you are expected to keep. I would never consider asking permission to say anything to a child regarding a actions and behaviors when I am left to be the person in charge. If the parent did not trust my judgement, my position would then be one of do not leave your child in my care.

Thegreencup · 10/12/2021 23:12

@frazzledasarock

If he is positive he will have been contagious a week ago.

I got told by NHS test trace I would have been contagious two weeks prior to showing symptoms!

I think it’s sensible to encourage them to not kiss and hug but at this point if he has covid he will have spread it already.

Totally agree. If someone in the house has a highly infectious illness/virus then it's more than likely everyone else in the house has it already.
KylieKoKo · 11/12/2021 01:14

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's not like you're banishing to his bedroom for 2 weeks like some of the people on the coronaviris boards!

Magda72 · 11/12/2021 08:49

@GloriaBoil to be honest if dss is carrying covid the damage was done the minute he stepped into the house & mingled with you all irregardless of kissing & hugging.

Anomelettefortheroad · 11/12/2021 08:53

If he's in your house the damage is done so i think him staying away from dd is a bit late - but it's not an unreasonable request to ask dss to not pick up or kiss dd while you're waiting for the results and yet here we are, your dp is being a twat about it.
Your dp should be more appreciative of you looking after his child for him, for free. How he's concluded that you care more about your own dd than his kid when you're looking after both of them god only knows!

MrsBobDylan · 11/12/2021 09:01

Why are you and your dh unable to reach an agreement?

You have married a man who has already experienced a relationship breakdown where there is a young child involved. He has pretty quickly married again and had another child.

Now you can't get him to be supportive over a simple request and the two of you have fallen out.

Good luck sticking in this relationship long term - you will need it.

HeddaGarbled · 11/12/2021 09:03

If they’re in the same room, breathing the same air, I don’t think the measures you’re talking about will make any difference.

candlelightsatdawn · 11/12/2021 09:28

@MrsBobDylan He has pretty quickly married again and had another child.

I have missed something where on earth does it say how fast or slow OP got remarried and had another kid ? 😵‍💫 weird assumption right there.

That said I think DH is being a arse. Esp since OP is defacto childcare

frazzledasarock · 11/12/2021 09:36

@HeddaGarbled

If they’re in the same room, breathing the same air, I don’t think the measures you’re talking about will make any difference.
Social distancing does work unless he’s coughing a lot.