Reposted because I didn't realise there was a step parenting thread.
I really need some support with no judgment am I really at rock bottom.
My daughter is 13 years old and she is mine from a previous relationship.
The relationship between DD and DH is strained. DD attitude, mood swings, door slamming not keeping room tidy, answering back are becoming more and more frequent due to age.
My idea of discipline and DH idea are two different things. He shouts a lot. Not just at DD but at me too if we have a disagreement even though I have told him I do not like the way it makes me feel (nervous, anxious etc)
He claims it’s because he was brought up that way and keeps harping on about when we was growing up, if we behaved the way she does, we would have got smacked.
There have been a few incidents between them both and it came to a head were she was being a stroppy teenager after we took her and her friend out resulting in my husband shouting in the middle of a seaside town we are finished me and you to my daughter, you are nothing but a spoiled brat. He then continued onto say to me I think her Christmas spends should be limited and also went so far as stating she might not be able to come on the family holiday next year. It went too far and the end result is me having a conversation with him stating she's my daughter and I do not like the way you discipline her, I have asked him to back off and let me do it if she misbehaves.
This has all come to a head and he is basically saying it's wrong that in his own home he isn't allowed to discipline her. He states its wrong in his own home he isn't allowed to say anything.
My point being though, she had her friends round, her room ended up being messy, instead of addressing this when her friends had gone, he went into her room when her teenage friends were there saying tidy your room its a mess etc etc instead of asking her when her friends had gone, he doesn't ask he shouts. I pulled him up on this, I have been a teenage girl and would have been that embarrassed if my Dad had done that in front of my friends.
He states that if he asks her once she should do it straightaway. My view is that kids are kids and sometimes they don't jump on demand at the first asking. You do sometimes have to ask a couple of times.
Furthermore, the finance situation we have. We used to split the bills 50/50 which resulted in me being significantly worse off each month as I worked part time and had my daughter to pay for. His response was well its not my fault I earn more than you.
When I did end up getting some maintenance off my DD's dad (few and far between) he used to ask for half. He stated because he also pays to put a roof over her head and food in the fridge. So not only did he have more left each month than me, when I did get some maintenance he used to ask for half the amount.
We ended up getting a joint account were both incomes went in and bills came out.
I have become very conscious of what I spend on me and DD as he goes on the app asking me whats this you've spent (it was cleaning products for the house) he states he is like this because he had nothing growing up. But he never used to be like this.
He bought me an expensive winter jacket this It isn't enjoyable wearing it as it was expensive he has told me to look after it and not hang it on the coat hooks downstairs and to put it on a coat hanger in the wardrobe.
He bought my DD some Nike leggings she wanted and when she misbehaved he was stating look I've bought her them leggings and took her friend out and this is how she behaves.
Sorry for the long post I am just really struggling to see whats normal and whats not anymore. I struggle with anxiety disorder anyway (having treatment for a few years) I'm at an all time low.