Division of chores

[MrsS247]

AIBU ??
DD 15 DS 20 and autistic
DD does the dishwasher gets £50 pcm pocket money.
DS does the bins, pick up dog poo (4 dogs) and now the lawn. Pays £150 pcm board. Doesn't work. Is at college but gets some PIP.
DD complains if any day/ lunchtime dishes are left when she gets home from school.
DS said she has it easy and the division of chores is weighted against him so he refuses to put any of his dishes in. There's also an atmosphere. DS's autism has kicked in, so he wants it resolving. DD said why should she wait on us. DH agrees with DD. I agree with DS.
DH brings his dishes home from lunch, they're done without fuss.
I don't think DD should do any more chores, but I do think she should do any dishes that are needing doing. I try to do daytime dishes if I'm free, but it's not always possible and there are never that many. Not that it should matter but we're a blended family. DS is mine biologically. DD is my DH's. So sorry for the long post but it's causing upset between us now. Please advise. Thank you

Agree

People should put dishes in washing machine after cooking and eating.

@timeisnotaline

Doing the dishwasher is almost nothing for a 15 year old! She does all the dishes and you dock £5 for whining or for not doing any dishes and if that doesn’t work she can cook her own meals. Ds is harder but he should also be doing more. Many 20 year olds live in their own and have to cook clean and do laundry every night, plus pay their rent, so they are both very spoilt.

Jeeze, you sound just like my mother.

I don't get it, what is DD actually doing to the dishwasher if she's not putting the dishes in? Just literally switching it on and emptying it?

I do think everyone should be putting their own dishes in the dishwasher as they go tbh (assuming DD is emptying it each morning so this is possible), but would also say that her doing minimal work with the dishwasher doesn't really equal all that your DS is doing.

DS empties the household bins daily or 2 days. He mows the lawn twice per week, he put all bin bags out for the bin men twice per week.

There's only 4 people in your house, how are you generating that much rubbish to be emptying daily or every 2 days. It's a once a week job in my house, with the same amount of occupants.

The kitchen bin is emptied more, but not the rest.

Twice a week on the lawn? Seriously. What kind of super fast growing grass do you have. I don't know anyone else who mows the lawn that often. He might as well get a gardening job.

In our house everyone is expected to clean up any mess they create in the kitchen, regardless of who empties the dishwasher (or doesn't) at any particular time. That's just courtesy for others

We do not tie allowances to chores or tasks; they are tied to age. Every is expected to clear their place at the table when they get up from a meal We each rinse and put our dishes and utensils in the dishwasher after every meal. I very much dislike dirty dishes being visible in the kitchen. I put away leftovers and load the pots and pans after each meal.

We have a cleaning service and do not expect the kids to do anything but keep their spaces presentable place their clothes hampers for their laundry to be done, and make up their beds each morning. Much like dirty dishes, I do not like unmade bed

There only chores as such are the expectation that they perform well in school, participate in extra curricular activities, practice with their sports and instruments and walk and clean up after the dog.

As long as they continue to do those things, we think that they are doing as much as it is reasonable to expect of kids of their ages

.We remind them regularly that being a good and involved student is their " job." and it is a" job" that must be done well.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice. I have read it all, taken it on board, agreed with some and not others ( in particular judgements about when my bins should be taken out of the house, how often the lawn should be mowed and what myself and my OH do!) and have made some changes.
DS firstly will no longer pay any board. We've discussed money and he has asked I help him shop for things. He really may never be ready to leave home. I think I need to get on a support forum for autism! He wants to continue his jobs and has agreed that it's rude not to put his dishes in the dishwasher and that he doesn't want to be horrible - his words. I love him dearly!!
DD has said she doesn't mind helping out with other bits around the house. So positives from both.