Telling off SC

[KoalaOok]

When I first met SC I was convinced the right thing for me to do was leave all telling off to my DH. I am not their parent after all. Unless they were going to hurt each other or it affected me I just left it.

I have since had my own DC and there have been a couple of occasions where I have told them off where my DC is being affected. Breaking toys, trying to feed her food we don't want her to have. Is this the wrong thing to do? They look at me so surprised and I can almost feel the oldest one about to tell me I'm not her mother any moment! I'm not sure what to do, it seems a bit much to call their dad from the other room to tell him to tell them off! I think I'm overthinking it but would like to know what you think. I'm too worried about being the evil stepmum but I am protective of my own child.

You are a parent to them too. Maybe have a discussion with them about it to cut the "you're not my mother" comment off at the pass.

I'm a step mum and a step daughter. Just parent them when they are with you.

Think about this if a strange child off the street started feeding your child food would you tell them off? Or expect someone else to do it? Likewise with breaking toys, personally I would tell them off therfore I would tell stepchildren off under those circumstances because those circumstances directly affect your child and your allowed to defend your child

Adults need to step in when the parent isn’t there.

Boundaries are good for children, if they know an adult will stick to certain boundaries/rules they feel safer around that adult.

The not my mother comment would be returned with but this is my house.. Bill payers = givers of rules...
Or surely you just become the hired help?

Thanks everyone for your help!

It's fine to tell them off. They should be used to teachers or adults at play dates telling them off if they need it.

I think if they are in your care, and they misbehave, then there’s nothing wrong in telling them off. I don’t know how old the children are, but it’s probably best to establish your rules and boundaries before they become teenagers. There’s been too many threads on mn whereby the discipline have been left up to ineffectual dh (not saying your dh is ineffectual), and the teen step-dc have rung rings around the step-parent.

To use a cliche, your house, your rules

There is something seriously wrong with the world if you're genuinely asking if it's ok to tell them not to do things you don't want to your child. Of course it is.

When Iet my dh (now exh) we had dd's of 1, 2 and 3. His was the middle dc.. It would have been very odd to have told my dc off and not his!
House rules surely apply to everyone? The dsc aren't guests - it is their other home. We did get some grief off his ex but she came around and eventually stfu complaining!