Does anyone here believe CMS should take into account a step parents earnings and if so, why?

[PutItInYourPocket2]

Just curious as to people's opinions. I know the majority, or so it seems, believe they shouldn't take into account SPs earnings when calculating CMS or that SPs should be responsible if the bio parent cannot pay for whatever reason.

However it seems from reading another thread that there are those who believe they should.

If you do, what are your reasons?

[quote Mumbo1234]@LucieStar you sound lovely too!

I think some RP do see it as a control/power thing...not all, but some.[/quote]

It was just about putting my DD and her experience at the centre of it all. It broke my heart when she would come home from her dad's saying "we did nothing this weekend as daddy can't afford it". Meanwhile last month's maintenance payment was still sitting in my account as I barely noticed it. It was just nonsensical.

@funinthesun19

But I don't think you can have it both ways.

You see countless threads where people expect the NRP to provide bedrooms for their non resident children. Like you say, you can’t have it both ways. You either forgo the maintenance and the NRP provides a bedroom or you take the maintenance and the NRP doesn’t provide the bedroom. If both can be done then great it must mean the NRP is on good money, but for the average person it often means one or the other.

We did both and had a young child at home also. It was very very hard at points!

In fact we paid for all "extras" because ex was a "poor single mum" and we had two incomes and "you can afford to live on X street so you must be rich"

Yeah lol. We bought a house that was a total shit hole in need of a full renovation cheaply.

I wish we were as well off as she thinks we are, I really do.

[quote BungleandGeorge]@Funfairballoon well if you’re paying those costs I can understand why you’re miffed. My experience is that NRP pay for maintenance and costs incurred at their house on top only. All items are taken with the kids when staying over, which is for a minimal amount like eow so rooms only need basics and might be shared. If it’s a more even split then minimal if any maintenance would be due. Perhaps you see why I think maintenance is a low amount if virtually all essentials are provided by RP. Personally I think you’re unusual to be paying maintenance and all those other costs on top.[/quote]
That wasn't the case for us, (not as bad now because dss doesn't stay as he stays with his gf a lot)

But we paid maintenance, had a house with a dedicated bedroom (still do), had full sets of clothes, provided all uniform, had TV, games consoles. You name it we provided it.

It was expected. Dss came to ours straight from school so didn't carry clothes and whatever else with him, ever.

My experience is that NRP pay for maintenance and costs incurred at their house on top only. All items are taken with the kids when staying over, which is for a minimal amount like eow so rooms only need basics and might be shared. If it’s a more even split then minimal if any maintenance would be due. Perhaps you see why I think maintenance is a low amount if virtually all essentials are provided by RP. Personally I think you’re unusual to be paying maintenance and all those other costs on top

I've seen it tonnes of times on here when NRP pays maintenance and is expected to also cover half of all other costs because maintenance is just for housing costs (as if the NRP doesn't have a house as well).

I'm not suggesting the NRP shouldn't cover half of other expenses by the way, just saying that your experience that maintenance is supposed to cover all of that is certainly not what I think the majority believe.

In fact we paid for all "extras" because ex was a "poor single mum" and we had two incomes and "you can afford to live on X street so you must be rich"

DP's ex once told him "you must be able to afford more maintenance as I've seen the car Lucie drives". 😳 Erm. Entitled, much?! That's my bloody car paid for with my own hard earned cash and nothing to do with DP, thanks!

And obviously rightly so imo when maintenance is very low, it obviously doesn't stretch to covering half of everything.

Yeah exactly this. I mean I'm not a millionaire 😂 but I earn more than him and I'm very aware that my DD has a different lifestyle in each home as a result. My DD doesn't need his money at this house as I'm more than able to provide for her on my salary. She needs it more when she goes to see him, so she can spend quality time with him and have a more equal experience in both homes. It's just common sense.

Exactly it just makes more sense. I’d do exactly the same as you in that position.

It's my experience on here that many think the ideal is paying maintenance to RP and also having everything needed for the child in the NRPs home too so a bedroom, own clothes etc... So the child feels at home there and not visiting. In fact I think it's quite frowned upon for the NRP not to have those things at their home as well.

@LucieStar

In fact we paid for all "extras" because ex was a "poor single mum" and we had two incomes and "you can afford to live on X street so you must be rich"

DP's ex once told him "you must be able to afford more maintenance as I've seen the car Lucie drives". 😳 Erm. Entitled, much?! That's my bloody car paid for with my own hard earned cash and nothing to do with DP, thanks!

I had that too! Wouldn't mind but it's not even an expensive car!!

Every holiday we've booked "you're not paying me enough if you can afford to do that"

In fact we paid for all "extras" because ex was a "poor single mum" and we had two incomes and "you can afford to live on X street so you must be rich"
Haha! The “two incomes” thing. I bet if she had a partner and your dh started saying he should pay less because she now has two incomes coming in, she would have told him to get lost! Why is it ok to mention the partner’s income when it’s the other way around?

Every holiday we've booked "you're not paying me enough if you can afford to do that"

Do our DPs have the same ex? 🤔😂

@funinthesun19

In fact we paid for all "extras" because ex was a "poor single mum" and we had two incomes and "you can afford to live on X street so you must be rich" Haha! The “two incomes” thing. I bet if she had a partner and your dh started saying he should pay less because she now has two incomes coming in, she would have told him to get lost! Why is it ok to mention the partner’s income when it’s the other way around?

Yeah I can't imagine she would have taken kindly to that somehow!

@LucieStar

Every holiday we've booked "you're not paying me enough if you can afford to do that"

Do our DPs have the same ex? 🤔😂

Sounds like it

We've had all sorts over the years honestly.

@LucieStar

In fact we paid for all "extras" because ex was a "poor single mum" and we had two incomes and "you can afford to live on X street so you must be rich"

DP's ex once told him "you must be able to afford more maintenance as I've seen the car Lucie drives". 😳 Erm. Entitled, much?! That's my bloody car paid for with my own hard earned cash and nothing to do with DP, thanks!

Eek! I'd be tempted to tell her to get a better job then she can afford a nice car too.

Don’t know what you’re all on about - everyone knows that an NRPs house is free to run.

But you are better off with two incomes usually?
Single parents are at a disadvantage...
Paying for stepkids clothes at your house isn't extras it's what you should do anyway.
We have always paid for my stepchilds clothing.
They aren't off for a sleepover to their friends house they are at their Dads

Eek! I'd be tempted to tell her to get a better job then she can afford a nice car too.

Getting any job would be a good start for her. She's always refused to work, despite offers of free childcare from family. It was the same when she and DP were together - she got them into huge debts then refused to get any work to help pay it off so he bailed her out multiple times. It's part of the reason he left her (amongst many other things she did). SCs are teens now and don't need childcare - she still won't work. So she won't ever get a job. Instead she chooses to focus on what myself and DP have, that we've both worked hard for, and tell him "we" should be giving her more.

@User5747384

But you are better off with two incomes usually? Single parents are at a disadvantage... Paying for stepkids clothes at your house isn't extras it's what you should do anyway. We have always paid for my stepchilds clothing. They aren't off for a sleepover to their friends house they are at their Dads

Not in reality, we had two incomes, no benefits, minus maintenance and two kids to provide for one ft and one 3 days a week Ish.

She had one income, plus benefits and maintenance, oh and a mortgage not even half the size of ours because dp walked away with nothing so she could stay there with the kids.

She ain't the poor baby she makes herself out to be, shes just shit with money.

I wasn't bothered about buying clothes for our house, it was the fact we paid for everything else. School trips, uniform, pocket money , clubs, activities, bus pass for school. She never paid any of that.

@LucieStar

Eek! I'd be tempted to tell her to get a better job then she can afford a nice car too.

Getting any job would be a good start for her. She's always refused to work, despite offers of free childcare from family. It was the same when she and DP were together - she got them into huge debts then refused to get any work to help pay it off so he bailed her out multiple times. It's part of the reason he left her (amongst many other things she did). SCs are teens now and don't need childcare - she still won't work. So she won't ever get a job. Instead she chooses to focus on what myself and DP have, that we've both worked hard for, and tell him "we" should be giving her more.

Hence why I have strong views about NRP's partner's income having remotely anything to do with CM! Because in my situation this is just a complete and utter pisstake.

User5747384 my children have no clothes at their dad’s. They just take them back and forth.
I don’t always agree that children always need two lots of clothes anyway, regardless of how often they see the NRP. There seems to be a negative view of children taking their clothes back and forth but I’ve never really seen the issue with it to be honest.
When I was with my children’s father and I was a stepmum, we had a whole set of clothes for his child and I sometimes thought “why?”
But then again I can understand parents wanting to pick their own for their children. I really do get that and therefore I can understand why a child would have 2 sets of clothes. Only, my ex didn’t pick them and pay for them. I did all of that.

I don’t think the partner’s income should be taken into account but if the NRP gives up or reduces their hours/income and doing so is funded by that partner then the CMS should come out of the family pot. The CM service (or whatever it is called) should be able to make that order.

It’s not right that a NRP should make a decision about their life/job/income which only benefits the household they live in, whilst having a negative impact on the children of the previous r/ship

@Funfairballoon I disagree in reality yes single parents are at a disadvantage.
I was a single mother on benefits for a short period when my children were little and I can tell you now I had nothing.
People on benefits aren't coining it in that's why they receive them.
She sounds in a better position than I was with a house she owns but I think that's very rare for a man to leave the house to the mother.
I would be happy to pay more for DSS if his mum became a single Mum because it really is very different and you need support.

My life couldn't be more different now owning my own house and cars but I would never want to go back to benefits it was a horrible.

[quote User5747384]@Funfairballoon I disagree in reality yes single parents are at a disadvantage.
I was a single mother on benefits for a short period when my children were little and I can tell you now I had nothing.
People on benefits aren't coining it in that's why they receive them.
She sounds in a better position than I was with a house she owns but I think that's very rare for a man to leave the house to the mother.
I would be happy to pay more for DSS if his mum became a single Mum because it really is very different and you need support.

My life couldn't be more different now owning my own house and cars but I would never want to go back to benefits it was a horrible.[/quote]
But my income is irrelevant. I am not her child's parent.

I'm sure it is rare, but he did it, and subsequently we were in a worse position than we would have been and she was in a much better one.

She worked as well, she wasn't just on benefits. And this was in he time of tax credits not universal credit so she didn't do too badly.

I'm glad you'd be happy to support poor choices made by someone else but I don't feel it's my place.

"I'm glad you'd be happy to support poor choices made by someone else but I don't feel it's my place"

What poor choices do I support? Sorry you lost me there?

@User5747384

"I'm glad you'd be happy to support poor choices made by someone else but I don't feel it's my place"

What poor choices do I support? Sorry you lost me there?

She's not as well off as me because she made poor choices like having three children, not working for many years and not being sensible with money.

Dp supports his children, I don't see why I should contribute just because she is single. She chose to have them kids. I did not.