If your kids' times is split 50:50, do you pay CMS?

[COVIDcausesCHAOS]

I am curious as to how it works with other families.

I am childless. My partner has a son (age 9). My partner and his ex share joint custody and have since they split many years ago. My partner has always paid maintenance towards his ex as she was unemployed when they first split. The mother gets the child benefit too.

Even though the arrangement is 50:50, my partner usually has his son around 60% of the time. Pre-COVID, this was because of his ex's job (which involved travel). She is currently working from home, but my partner still has his son more than 50% of the time as he will take him when he's asked to.

Anyway, after a disagreement about a year ago, my partner's ex decided to go through the CMS for maintenance. She lied about how much time dss spent with my partner. My partner challenged it, and she then corrected herself. However, as they both agreed to the CMS that the split was 50:50, the CMS are still saying that my partner has to pay?!?

We think that this is unfair given that my partner is doing far more childcare and so forth.

Is this the case for others?

When DSS was younger, he was with us EOW plus one night in the week, so obviously DH paid maintenance. But the issue of maintaining the same standard of living across two household is impossible.

DH and I were both working full time, and there are no other children in our household, so we were quite comfortable. However DH’s ex decided to have two more children with a new partner, she wasn’t working, and we knew money was tight for her. We always did nice stuff with DSS and bought him new trainers and extras etc, and that was fine, But there was no way we would have been contributing to boost the ex’s lifestyle.

Of course not.

@LouJ85 to stop the shit they see some parents do e.g. claim that their ex is hiding money as he can afford an expensive new car and loads of holidays.

OP if your DP thinks he is paying too much maintenance he needs to ensure the CMS has the correct information and his child's mother hasn't lied about the number of overnights he has his son per year.

@LouJ85 to stop the shit they see some parents do e.g. claim that their ex is hiding money as he can afford an expensive new car and loads of holidays.

Yeah good point, some mothers do this I'm sure. But surely the CMS could just tell mum they're satisfied Dad is paying what he should and he isn't hiding anything etc ... do they really need to print that figure in black and white? I'm not convinced they do. Not that it bothers me personally, just thinking out loud ...

@LouJ85 some parents still aren't satisfied and would take (or try to take) the other to Court if no figure was printed still thinking and demanding that they were a high earner clogging up the Court system. In rl and on forums I've come across parents doing this.

In short some parents of both sexes are shit and money obsessed with little regard to their child(ren).

but at what point does the person who earns £1 (or chooses not to work) start taking responsibility for their child on their time financially?

Choice? Long term illness, disability, accidents, long-covid, redundancy are all a choice? Having a child who needs a parent available because they are not coping with school - doing half days, or needing someone to administer therapy or medication? Los of people can’t work and it has not been a choice.

50/50 rarely means costs are equal. There would be screams of LTB if a together couple where one earned significantly more than the other demanded a 50/50 split of bills, housing and child-related costs. Costs should not over-whelm a lower earner. I have spent years paying for childcare on my ex’s time, for example, because there is no flexibility in my job and when he disappears for a few days at no notice saying ‘you’re around, why would I need childcare?’ impacts massively on my ability to provide. Completely unfair and unreasonable. 50/50 needs parents to be able to work together and share costs fairly.

My son stays with his dad every other weekend. I receive £100 a month through CMS and pay for everything my son requires..clubs, school, clothes etc, he doesn’t have clothing at his dads so I pack a weekend bag for when he visits. My ex tried to claim he had my son every weekend (we have a court order for one weekend a fortnight) and CMS were very quick to send me a letter stating payments would be reduced. Based on my own experience of CMS, I would think your partner shouldn’t have to pay much or anything at all!

@Isthatitnow

but at what point does the person who earns £1 (or chooses not to work) start taking responsibility for their child on their time financially?

Choice? Long term illness, disability, accidents, long-covid, redundancy are all a choice? Having a child who needs a parent available because they are not coping with school - doing half days, or needing someone to administer therapy or medication? Los of people can’t work and it has not been a choice.

50/50 rarely means costs are equal. There would be screams of LTB if a together couple where one earned significantly more than the other demanded a 50/50 split of bills, housing and child-related costs. Costs should not over-whelm a lower earner. I have spent years paying for childcare on my ex’s time, for example, because there is no flexibility in my job and when he disappears for a few days at no notice saying ‘you’re around, why would I need childcare?’ impacts massively on my ability to provide. Completely unfair and unreasonable. 50/50 needs parents to be able to work together and share costs fairly.

Irrelevant saying "a couple who were together" they're not together so why on earth would they act like they are?

Just because your ex behaves like an arsehole doesnt mean 50/50 isn't fair. Clearly doesn't work for you but it works for a lot of people.

Irrelevant saying "a couple who were together" they're not together so why on earth would they act like they are?

This!

I find it very unfair that my husband's ex knows his salary, yet he doesn't know hers. As people on this thread have highlighted, the higher-earner should be the one to pay. For all we know, my husband's ex may be earning more than him, but, other than asking her directly or going through the CMS, we can't know as it's confidential information.

(I'm talking about our specific circumstances where my husband has his son far more than his ex does btw. This isn't a comment on the CMS situation generally.)

My husband is ringing them today. I'll let you know what they say.

we have a similar situation.

My partners ex claims CMS and gets child benefit, although she works full time and earns more than my husband.

she does not provide clothing for him, but does make sure she is in charge of prescriptions.

It is not done simply by time, it is also done by parental responsibility, so if both parents attend parents evenings, Dr's appointments, general admin etc.

She applied for his passport and paid for one afterschool club once so feels that because she is the mother she should be considered the primary parent.

unfortunately the system is set up that way and it is VERY difficult for fathers to appeal or change things.

We are still waiting to hear back from CMS for our claim but it has been a long a drawn out process.

(she has recently bought a nice new car and a £100 hot chocolate machine, and has enough money to buy him an xbox for christmas, so at least the money is going to good use...)