Step daughter lying

[Loulou2208]

Hi,

I am having problems with my step children. My partner has 3 children from his marriage and I love them like my own. Recently his oldest daughter (10) won't eat her dinner, constantly rolls her eyes and slams doors. Am really struggling to deal with it all.

Now tonight his 6 year old daughter said she wanted to go home becuase she missed her mum. She hugged me and gave me a kiss before she left. My partner took her back as there was no point making her stay if she missed her mum. When she got home she told her mum she didn't want to come because last weekend I hit her dad with a shoe and we argued. This is lies and his other two children have agreed this didn't happen.

I am now getting called everything under the sun and this isnt the first time she has told lies about me. I am struggling to deal with it all.

The house is mine and I have worked hard to ensure they had their own rooms and everything here.

Me and my partner now have a 3 month old and we have moved rooms so he gets the biggest room as this is his house.

I feel like I am constantly slagged off by their mum and can't do anything right. On top of the lies I am struggling to cope with everything

The 6 year old has now admitted to her mum it was a lie. I am now scared to be on my own with her in case she tells more lies and there is no one to back up the truth. Her mum obviously believes her child everytime which I can understand but I am struggling to forget everything that has been said.

I guess I just don't know what to do

Sorry but he sounds awful. My DH is crap at disciplining Dsd - she has a really crappy life with her mum and he feels a lot of guilt about that so overcompensates - but he had absolutely zero tolerance when she tried to lie about me and that made a very big difference. Ive also been very firm that he is responsible for his own kids, I'm responsible for mine and we share jobs to do with the baby. So when the stepkids are here, he can deal with snacks, tidy up after them, arrange activities. I cook but if they don't want what I'm making (dsd only eats crap) then he makes an alternative. I will do fun stuff with them but if they start misbehaving thats for him to deal with. Same as with my older DD - I didn't expect him to deal with the months of homeschool, or help her with her dance routines etc etc. I would leave your dh to do absolutely everything for his kids and just focus on your baby. When theyre not here and hes off work, pass him the baby and go do your own thing. He will get it eventually

Well you picked a real prince,didn't you? Surely you knew his absent parenting style prior to your pregnancy?,Do you want to be miserable,tied to this shit show or do you want to be happy?

Hi OP.

I sympathise with the lying because I go through it with my 7 year old SD but you really have to not take it personally.

Lies recently have been that she’s been late for school, I’ve been ill and working from home when I was fine (which resulted in an inquisitive phone call asking if I had Covid) and that she slept in a tent on her nans garden

Every one of them untrue but causes trouble. I don’t have dealings with her mum but each time things like this are question our tactic is just to ignore it.

Kids lie. Have you asked yourself why you think this is happening? In our case it is because she is scared of her mum, so will never admit that she stays at mine and makes up all sorts of stories even though we have lived together for time.

As for the ten year old, your partner should be dealing with the heavy stuff, it’s much easier to take a step back and disconnect from the situation when they are misbehaving.

Hi op,
Try not to let it get you down (easier said then done) I’ve had this from dsd and my own dd, it’s as others have said to please the other parent

Hi OP. How long have you known the children as in spending time with them?

Their not your kids and it’s clear at this stage it isn’t working so it’s your partners responsibility and his ex’s to sort it out.

You have your hands full with your own child. It’s too much for the kids it was heartbreaking to read about the 6 year old misses her mum and kissed you goodbye. Honestly OP your BF sounds rubbish for putting you in this situation.

Maybe the kids can come for the day but not stay over night it sounds too much too soon.

Sadly your P attitude around doing his share and parenting is very revealing as to why he ended up divorcing and why his ex has such a low opinion of you both.

You are right to make him step up.

Keep your boundaries strong and do not be a doormat and tolerate his lack of parenting or doing his share around the house.

The lying isn't nice but a typical 6 year old reaction to nose being pushed out of joint with a new baby on the scene and a way to get loads of attention from her Mum.

A really good and practical book to read that helps you deal with this kind of thing are
"How to talk so kids will listen, and listen to kids will talk"
And then
"Siblings without rivalry" by the same authors.

I hope your P sorts his attitude out but don't be afraid to end the relationship if he doesn't have your back and continues to refuse to parent his DC.

I wouldn't be alone with his kids anymore and hearing how poor if a parent he is, I would rather be a single parent.