Grrrrrr / AIBU

[brownbearss]

So i have a daughter, 8, boyfriend has a son 12.
I know this is new for everyone (as in blending families etc, not relationship wise, we've been together 2 yrs) but things are really starting to grate on me!!

Bf is always so quick to blame my lo, for example, few weeks back they were playing and it ended in tears, we both didn't see what happened so i took the approach of well you're both to blame and don't do it again. He took the approach of ds told him my dd hurt him. ?! Like how, you didn't see what happened. Even if she did (not saying thats ok btw) but its more a case of, we didn't see so how could we possibly take sides, and we shouldn't even be taking sides in my eyes!

Anyway this morn we were upstairs, they were down there and we heard them playing both laughing etc, then all of a sudden him saying "stop it now its annoying"

So my bf said oh here we go again, then proceeded to say how it was my lo's fault for annoying him.

For context, she was asleep by 9pm, which is later than usual but we let her as were watching a film. He was up until 4am (which i know as i went loo) gaming! Then the playing in morn was at 9am.

So i replied with, oh it couldn't possibly be that he is grumpy due to no sleep from gaming all night then?! Because i was just so sick of him always blaming her.

AIBU?

I tooootally get that its natural to side with your child, which is why i always take the approach of unless we saw what happened theres no 1 sided blame. As im very aware of feelings, and i dont want either child to feel they are being unfairly treated.

Also as a side note, we are buying a house, dd will be with us 100% of the time (dad not involved) and my bfs son every other weekend. She will be getting the bigger room as it makes sense, but he is def doing the guilt trip thing of "he will kick off" and "hes going to moan as hes older" etc. Its just irritating me!!!!

Would I move in with someone who comes with an undisciplined child who is about to hit teenage years? Not a chance. Do not do this, to you or your daughter.

I may be projecting here. But this is how the abuse of me and my DCs started.
I was always meticulous about treating the DCs equally. It took me a long time to see his one-sided fault finding with my DCs, and the sweeping under the carpet when any of his were at fault.
When we first moved in together 2 of mine had to share and his 2 had to share. He went on and on and on that his DCs had to have the bigger room even though they were there far less (my DCs' DF was abroad and so only saw them during holidays). When we moved a 2nd time the only DCs who had to share were mine, and he insisted his DD had to have the biggest room (she was 12, my oldest DD was 15 and was there all the time - to be fair his DD was very embarrassed and wanted mine to have the bigger room).

But it was the constant finding fault with my DCs that was awful.

Get rid. Two years is nothing.

Your daughter comes first.