Frustrated.

[lovelyjubbly12]

Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve from this, I just wanted to write it down and tell someone.

I am so frustrated and not 100% sure what I should actually do anymore.

I'm in a relationship with my partner. We are fully committed to each other, we have a mortgage together and joint finances etc.

My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship and she is five. I've been with him for two years now. We are expecting our first child together, I am 28 weeks pregnant.

I do a lot for his little girl. School runs (when school was open) medical appointments, I do the home schooling now and look after her while he is still working as we have her 50/50 with her mum. I cook for her and make her lunches. I take her out for girly days and generally try and treat her like I'd treat my own. And I am more than okay with doing this, I love her.

So a few weeks ago we decided to get a puppy so that our children would have a pet to grow up with. We got the puppy on Monday and my partners been working all week so I've had the puppy and his daughter. It's been fine actually and we've settled well.

But my partner comes home from work and he goes into a separate room (we keep doors closed so we can keep an eye on pup) with his daughter and claims he needs "one on one" time with her as he doesn't want her to feel left out with the puppy.
Today is Saturday. He's doing it again today pretty much all day, leaving me alone with the puppy so he can play with her.

I'm a big girl. I can deal with the fact I'm left alone. Although it sucks big time I haven't actually spent any time with him at all this week. But what I'm worried about is when my baby comes. Will he still take her into another room and leave me alone with the baby and dog? Will he leave my baby out?

He's so focused on his daughter not being left out that he's almost blinded by the fact he's leaving me and the dog out but more importantly I'm worried he will leave me to just be with the baby.

I get he wants to spend time with his daughter, I totally understand that. But surely we could all spend time together? And the more I speak to him about it the less he seems to get it. I'm at wits end.

I just don't know if bringing our child into this household will be the best thing for her if she's going to always be second best. I'd be absolutely heartbroken for her.

I suspect this is more about your partner and his need for 1:1 time with his daughter.

Ex H displayed similar behaviour and I realised that he was triggered by my closeness with the children, so rather than have family time he needed 1:1 time, being the best dad ever to compensate. It was jealousy, guilt and rivalry of my time with the children..it was often worse after he had been away.

Most children want family time (some 1:1) as that is a happy balance and they notice if another family member excluded. Your step daughter will think its strange that you are excluded.

Why did he split up with his daughters mum?

I completely get him wanting time with just his DD when the baby comes but I’m a bit confused about wanting time with her away from the dog.
My experience has actually been that in the early months with a baby it’s better to show step children that they can still have lots of attention when the baby is there (as in when the baby is in the room) and during normal life. It’s a mistake to make it him and his DD and you and the baby separately. Young babies are very portable and we continued to do the same things with DSD (apart from the cinema) as our baby DD could just be involved with that; it was only when DD got more mobile that we had to start thinking creatively or do some things separately. Also we found that it was actually mine and DSDs relationship that needed more attention when DD was born as I was more distracted with looking after the baby etc and she missed my sole attention.

Do you think he got the puppy to be the ‘fun’ parent?

I'd be telling him that rehoming the pup might be best, as it's too much on you
I agree. Getting a dog in this situation was wrong and sadly, they'll be the one not getting the attention it deserves.

Give it to family that can give it plenty of attention.