Is this unusual?

[TheBeastAwakens]

My partner moved in with me late last year - he has a seven year old daughter he sees almost every day with a number of overnights a month and I have a 12 year old son.

Everything has been going really well - we're all getting on fine except for one issue. My partners' daughter is very demonstratively affectionate with me - she's called me Mommy a number of times, she hugs me and sits on my lap a lot and I don't think my son likes it. He got quite upset recently when she called me Mommy and he stormed off. My partner talked to her and I've told her that I'm not her Mommy and she stopped. She's now taken to sitting on my lap and cuddling me when my son is around. She used to try to cuddle my son a lot too which he didn't particularly like and my partner had to talk to her about that as well. I feel bad that she's had to be pulled up so much.

On the one hand, I know she's probably feeling insecure and I want her to be happy here. On the other, I don't want my son to feel pushed out
or his personal space invaded. He's very good with her - he'll play with her and makes her laugh a lot. I've gotten to the stage where I'm quite stand-offish with her when he's not here as I don't want to encourage her - I also want her and her dad to have time alone together.

I spend time with my son alone and I've talked to him, told him that the little girl is a bit confused, that I also find the situation a bit confusing and we need to be patient but is there anything else I can do? Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced it?

@nellythenarwhal - yes, they're both only children and their other parents aren't in relationships at all.

I had a chat with my son this morning and we've agreed a kind of code between us so he can let me know when he's finding her a bit much and we'll go and do something by ourselves. I also explained to him about her maybe being over-excited to feel she's in a family with two parents because she hasn't had that before. He says he understands and that he thinks a lot of her annoying habits are because she's seven.

I do have to put in some boundaries with her. Her mum said that she didn't want me to take any kind of parental role and I don't want to but she needs to know when to step back. I can't rely on my partner to always rein her in.

I think that's the best way to deal with things. You are sympathizing with him but also sparing the 7 year old's feeling for acting 7.

You’re right that your partner should be dealing with this for his DD’s sake, for your sake and your son’s. If he doesn’t then ask him to step up,

Love the idea of your code.

If she’s staying with you, then you do need to be a parent. Not make the major decesions such as schooling etc, but set boundaries and rules in your own house.

@JKScot4

she sounds an unpleasant child

Do you think that’s maybe a bit of a hasty judgement?

He’s only 12, I do think it’s a big ask for him not to be annoyed.

I would imagine the little girl is feeling a bit insecure.

My boyfriend has recently moved in and my four year old is all over him, he has occasionally called him Daddy. When he does it my boyfriend normally says something like “who am I really?” and encourages him to use his name.

He is very affectionate and will happily spend the whole day sat on me, he’s like this with my boyfriend so we have handled it by giving him specific times where can do this or have a cuddle etc with him. We have found if my boyfriend initiates the cuddle my son is craving them less. Obviously I understand this is easier for us as there is only one child.

It is okay for you to set boundaries as well, my boyfriend does and my son knows if he says don’t do x or says no that I’ll agree and back him up.

I really like the 'who am I really?' approach - way better than 'I'M NOT YOUR MUMMY, YOU KNOW THIS'

Have you seen the “One Day More” family. There is a 12 year old boy and an 8 year old girl there to give you an idea of normal sibling rivalry.