Mother of DSC won't let her come to us during lockdown

[NELmumof2]

The mother of my DSC isn't allowing her to visit us during the lockdown. DSC is 5 years old and we have her sister, my child, living here with us who she has already not seen for nearly a month as we only have DSC every two weeks. The mother of DSC has said her rationale is that she is terrified of DSC dying. She has no underlying her concerns and we are both following the government guidelines in isolating and social distancing. The mother and my H had a very heated argument about her decision and i have also tried to reason with her but she is convinced DSC is at risk and cannot travel. Can anyone please help with a way of convincing her? We are so upset at the thought of DSC not seeing her sister and us, given we don't know how long this will go on for and the Mother won't give us an idea of when she may change her mind.

i think you should just leave it.
you have your own baby, and your husband has enough to occupy himself with that.
he can keep in touch by phone etc with his older daughter.
dont put extra stress on the child's mother.
it probably is best for her to remain in one location. it reduces the risk.
this is an unprecedented situation. do what;s best for the child. dont stand on your/ husband's rights. give the child and her mother some peace.

She’s doing the right thing.

We are in a similar situation here. Their mum will accept OH visiting the kids at her home but won't let him bring them to ours?! None of us have been to work/school in more than 2 weeks.

The responses on here are actually unbelievable, although I can't say I'm surprised.

you have your own baby, and your husband has enough to occupy himself with that.
he can keep in touch by phone etc with his older daughter.

I would love to have seen what people would have said if OP had posted something like that.

Most fathers are just as concerned about their children's welfare as most mothers are. They won't be taking risks.

I appreciate it's a scary time and that it's reassuring to have your kids in front of your eyes right now, but that doesn't mean mothers can just decide that fathers can't see their children for the duration of this, which could be months.

She's putting her DC first.
Would you 'allow' your DH to visit their home with your DD to see his DD?
Just wondering...

Shes being sensible. Its hard for you but deal with it.

Children have died now. Anything that reduces risk is sensible. Direct contact is not essential. You can video call or even go and wave through a window in person. This is temporary. Do whats best.

Leave it. She is doing the right thing. We are not allowing our kids to travel between households at this time.

I'm not allowing my Dd age 5 to visit her dad either. We as a family have been self isolating since schools shut I only pop to the shops when I have to prob twice a week.

Dd dad lives alone but has been having his teenage son come and go as he pleases, the teenage son lives with his mum and siblings and by the looks of things is out and about regularly

I will not put my Dd in any increased risk, if we all just stick to self isolation this will be over quicker and we can go back to our normal lives

Totally disagree with the majority here. Both houses are following the rules, the child can be transported safely in a car. How would the people here like it if the child had happened to be at the other parents and they said tough, she's staying with us for possibly up the three months. In face there was a thread like that and people were saying call the police on the father who wanted to keep their child. It's so important to maintain parental relations.

It's so important to maintain parental relations.

Nope. People really need to see the bigger picture. My husband will have no contact with his sons for 12 weeks. He is high risk. And they would rather have their dad alive because let's face it there would be no 'parental relations' if he wasn't around to see them.

Some people need to suck it up and accept that these are not normal times.

Yeah the big difference there Chocolate is that your DH is high risk... So completely different situation.

@LittleMcJiggle I was going to say very similar.

If you're a step mum. No matter what you say or do it is wrong and you should accept that you have no say in anyone's life, including your own (oh, and you were probably OW?)....

If you are mum then you can basically do what you like and it's the right thing. Even if it isn't....

Erm how about when you're both?! 🤔

I'm not really sure what you're talking about Chocolate. As far as we know from OP, no one in either household is high risk. There doesn't seem to be any reason why they can't go between homes in this situation.

Your situation is completely different as you have someone high risk either household...

@AnneJeanne are you actually serious?? “Stop putting pressure on her to see HER child!” Words fail me, is she not her Fathers child also? Many ex’s will be using this as a way to further alienate the non residential parent. You’re an idiot.

Given he only sees his other child every two weeks he’s not actually missing out that much in time is he? He should be doing everything he can to ensure his ex is not anxious given she’s the practically full time carer.

Her half sibling won’t know any difference given the age.

I wonder how many mums would be happy with their ex's refusing to give them access to their children.

Fucking typical responses here