Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU? Son's first birthday

37 replies

Wingingiteveryda · 03/03/2020 13:24

I'm in a little bit of a difficult spot. My son's first birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, the hall has been paid for, and we have family coming from Bristol for the party. They've booked their trains and accommodation. Everyone was booked and fine to come, including my step son who was really excited about it. It has now been mentioned by my step sons mother that my dss(8) has another party to go to now, which falls at the same time at our party and can my dh drive my dss between the parties during our sons 1st birthday. We reluctantly agreed to this, as dss's mum stressed how much dss wanted to go and would be angry if he missed out, so both my dh and dss will both miss an hour of our sons first birthday, but dss didn't want to miss out on his friends birthday so that's fine. The friends party is not far at all from our son's party so we'll work around it.
Fast forward a week dss's mum has now been in touch to say dss had another party to go to in the morning but she is too busy to do any of the driving around so dh will need to drive ss to and from these parties while we need to be setting up for our sons first birthday and then again during.
Is this normal? Do friends birthday parties get priority over siblings/step siblings? I have brothers and sisters and growing up my siblings birthdays got priority. I don't want dss to miss out on anything but it's so inconvenient for the day. What would you guys do? I was OK with accommodating 1 party on the day but running around to accommodate two is annoying me but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable
Be kind, this is my first post

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Windyatthebeach · 05/03/2020 13:14

Ime - and told by a judge - exes should not make arrangements for dc in the other parent's contact time. Fact is dc will miss out on certain occasions when they live between 2 homes. Presumably ds's sees these dc at school /clubs? Especially when new siblings come into play-family time is deemed more vital than a party or play date.
You will meet yourself coming back op if you don't agree with dh /ex that this needs to stop.

Annaminna · 06/03/2020 14:39

Mum agreed those two parties, she must do the driving.

Bbang · 06/03/2020 21:14

Siblings take priority, we wouldn’t have even agreed to the first one let alone a second.

fargo123 · 11/03/2020 23:21

Siblings take priority, we wouldn’t have even agreed to the first one let alone a second.

Exactly.

I wouldn't be accommodating the mother's power play in the slightest.

Thinkingaboutsummer2020 · 15/03/2020 06:55

Perfectly reasonable for your OH not to take him to the party before your son’s party. DSS has two parties to go to that’s excitement enough, at 8 he can understand that you will both be busy setting up his brother’s party, can you give him a job to do to make him feel involved in that?

Thinkingaboutsummer2020 · 15/03/2020 06:56

... maybe make up the party bags.

Winifredgoose · 15/03/2020 06:58

It is totally unreasonable her.

Folicky · 15/03/2020 07:03

She's trying to disrupt / spoil the birthday of a child her ex partner had with another woman - simples. Shitty though.

Original poster

Wingingiteveryda · 15/03/2020 07:55

All went ahead, dss went to friends party mid ds's party. Mil took him so was no disruption to us and brought him back to us after for the rest of the day. It was a great day. I think dss regretted his decision but we had a celebration all day long and I held off the cake so he could be involved after he came back from the other party so all worked out great.
Thank you all for the reassurance, I just needed to the assurance that I wasn't being uptight or unreasonable. I imagine dss's mum was trying to ruin the day, wasn't the first time she's tried nor will it be the last. When my son was born it was the same, christmas was the same. We've learnt to prepare for the worst and at least this time round everything worked out OK.
Thanks all

OP posts:

Thinkingaboutsummer2020 · 15/03/2020 08:00

Aw sounds like MIL is on your side then - which is good! Glad it all went well 😀

timelord92 · 15/03/2020 10:06

It sounds like there wasn't much disruption with your DP having to miss the party by driving your DSS round but with your MIL still driving him to the other party it meant that she missed some of the party and you were still playing to the ex's tune. It should have been her doing the running around.

You say she is well known for doing it and she will continue to do so. The only way to stop the behaviour is to not play along with it. She keeps doing it because she is getting away with it.

You say you waited for your DSS to get back before you did the cake but in the future when the baby is older they won't want to wait and they shouldn't have to.

Is this what happens at Christmas too? Does your child have to wait till your DSS arrives before opening any presents?

HillAreas · 16/03/2020 21:27

You say you waited for your DSS to get back before you did the cake but in the future when the baby is older they won't want to wait and they shouldn't have to.

This. It’s not all about DSS anymore. Don’t let your child become the afterthought in the future. It’s not fair on either child to grow up thinking that is normal.

Flip

1 2