Overweight DSD

[Pottedtree]

DSD has been getting steadily pudgier over the last two years but she's now quite overweight. She keeps asking me if I think she's fat to which I reply of course not and tell her how beautiful she is but the not being fat part is a lie. I think she knows I'm lying and hence why she keeps asking. DH has spoken to her mum who says it's just "puppy fat" and has dismissed any concerns.

I have known DSD since she was 3 and have a good relationship with her. I feel like she's trying to talk to me about her weight but I haven't really got a clue how to best support her as it all seems a minefield. At the same time it seems irresponsible to ignore it. Her mum clearly isn't dealing with it at all and is unconcerned. We took a walk today that included a hill. My 80 year old mum made it up fine and DSD has to stop several times because she was out of breath. I have never struggled with my weight and I don't feel particularly equipped to help her in the most constructive way possible......any and all ideas would be welcome.

I would tell her you are going to go on a health spurge after christmas and would she like to help you plan for it. research together healthy recipes you can make together and how much execerise a week people should be doing.

Her mum clearly isn't dealing with it at all and is unconcerned

I think it's a bit harsh to say that as you don't know that's true. Also what about her dad your dh? Is he concerned?

We went shopping today for new jeans because she's outgrown the waist on all her old ones. I thought she might bring it up today but didn't. I'm going to wait for her to bring it up again then try what pp said and let her lead the conversation but ask her what she thinks herself. I'm not sure I'm brave enough to then ask her if she wants to look up what a healthy weight would be. I worry that would be overstepping my role.

DH is very worried. His 11 year old weighs significantly more than most of the grown women in our family. But at the same time he doesn't want to give her body image issues and really wants her to feel unconditionally loved and supported. He doesn't want her to feel judged or shamed. We have them for 10 days over Christmas and then my be our chance to really get her moving and chat.

I don't know what to do about meal times when she feels so hard done by with portions. Her brothers are stick thin and need more food.

I wouldn't give her significantly smaller portions than her brothers, just cook something healthy with slow releasing energy and they will survive with a healthy portion.

The skinny teenage boys in our household often go for late night toast snacks to boost their energy, or eat up any leftovers. Better to let them do that and keep mealtimes healthy for all with no discrimination over portion sizes (unless led by DSD - it's fine to ask her how much she wants)

your DP is an ass. He doesnt want to speak to her as she may end up with abnormal body issues. She already has, as what she sees in the mirror isnt what everyone else sees. An honest frank conversation is required. I have always been upfront with my DC. The two older ones both went through the podgy puberty stage and shot up and are both fit and slim. My 12 yr old DS is going through it now and has a podgy midrift and i tell him so and to keep an eye on rubbish he is eating at school. Our family are upfront and honest. There dad is too heavy and had bad eating habits and i have always ensured i talk to them about healthy eating, eat till full not until you finish the plate, they have all played sport too during primary and secondary

I don’t think it’s healthy to normalise a child who is overweight. And nor would I say to a child (who was overweight) that I don’t think they are fat.

I think the advice from space dinosaur is spot on. This is also the age that children need to start to be educated about food choices/ portion sizes. These are lifestyle choices that if built in from a younger age become easier to fall back on as an adult. It’s parenting.

In your shoes I would start to talk about food, portion control and start prepping food with her. She’s getting to an age where she can chop vegetables and make a healthy stir fry.
Ask her to pick a meal, take her shopping and get her to pick healthy items.
Explain the proportion of carbs/ veg/ protein on a plate. (Buy the actual plates that are given to people who need to realign portion control).

Get her moving. What exercise does she enjoy?

One of my friends children was getting overweight and they joined the gym as a family and train together as a family 2-3 times a week. The weight has gradually come off.

There’s tons of things that can be done. My eldest came to me saying they didn’t like the fact that since starting big school their weight had gone up. So we’ve started to do all of the above and they love it.